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Just a reminder: As with previous mailbags, if you don’t want your question displayed for public scrutiny, say so in your email to me.
Just discovered your site and I find it amazing that you can put in words all the nagging little truths that I seem to see all the time.
However, often I find there can be some shades of gray in life, which serves to blur the truth.
So, I was wondering if you could categorize a couple of my friends and me. We all have completely different experiences with girls, none of them pure alpha or pure beta, so it is hard to determine. We all do some thing alpha and some things beta. Which one of us would benefit from game?
Sorry for such a long post.
I’ll start with me. I think I’m probably a beta, perhaps a latent alpha.
My beta tendencies have to do with picking up girls. I’m very good looking, so I’ll often have girls coming on to me in bars, even good looking girls. However, I miss all the cues unless they come on very strong. At the end of the night, when I’m going home alone, I’ll realize which girls were coming on to me and slap myself in frustration. When I meet the girls again, which happens often because I live in the suburbs, and they start coming on to me again, I miss the cues a second time. If I do pick up the cues, I tend to come on way to strong and blow it by scaring the girl away with desperation.
Another problem is that I can’t seem to get the fatties and hideous ones away from me. They tend to follow me around like puppy dogs and ruin it for me when I try try to talk to other people, even guys. Then at the end of the night, they ask if they can give their number and I always say yes and put it into my phone incorrectly so that I have an excuse for when I meet them again. Sometimes I even makeout with them or use them for relief during a drought.
My alpha tendencies come forward when I’m in a relationship. The girls I’ve dated have all been 6-8s, although there have only been two 8s. I don’t call for days at a time. I forget important events and then tell them to just get over it. I ignore their shit testing completely. I dominate them physically, though not violently. I also do random nice shit like thoughtful gifts, massages, meeting with an artist they like, etc. The girls always love me, they become obsessed with me. When I break up with them (no girl has ever broken up with me) they tend to call and follow me for at least a year. The most egregious example is a girl I broke up with in high school, because she was black (thats the actual reason I gave her), right before prom, that still follows me around and tries to arrange to meet me, 6 years later. This is partly because I’m pretty and partly because they “love” me.
Am I an alpha because I weather shit testing so well or am I a beta because I can’t pick up girls?
I have a buddy that is the opposite of me. He seems like an alpha while we’re out. He is just an average looking guy, yet he can frequently pick girls up, almost every night. He often has same night sex. They are almost always hot girls. However, he then gets into a relationship and becomes obsessed with the girl. He will call dozens of times a week, get her expensive gifts weekly, become a total bitch. The girls always either break up with him or cheat on him. When they cheat on him, he always forgives them and they keep on cheating until they eventually just start dating another guy and drop him. Once the relationship is over, he’ll go out and start banging hot girls again. Is he an alpha for banging girls frequently or a beta for being such a bitch in relationships?
My other buddy is an ugly guy. He used to be fit, he was a college baseball pitcher in his Freshmen, but he has gone to seed and is now fat. While he is still strong and looks it, he lacks any stamina and, more importantly, muscle definition. He goes out and picks up a chick every couple of weeks but they’re generally 3s or 4s. Occasionally he bags a low 5 and brags about how hot she was. He keeps a stable of 3s and 4s that he bring out for beta dates like bowling and movies with groups of friends, but he bangs them at the end of the night because they’re ugly and love it. Is he a beta for getting only ugly girls, or is he an alpha for getting laid frequently and having a stable despite being an ugly, fat guy?
Again, sorry for the long post. Thanks for reading it.
I have to say, DOS, I see a lot of my old self in your description. Some men are born with natural ability to pick up on a woman’s attraction cues, but most men have to learn the hard way, either by missing out on great opportunities or by presuming interest where there is none. The good news is that with enough practice, you can hone your awareness of subtle female cues to the point where it becomes intuitive.
When you are a good looking guy, women will make assumptions about the rest of your quality as a man, which can actually work against you as the alpha bar will be raised. Average looking men with good game will often do much better with women than good looking men with average game, and this is because the women don’t expect as much from the average looking guys. Thus, when they are sent into a labia moistening rush by the average looking guy’s tight game, the pleasant surprise will often lead to stronger attraction than what these women would have felt in bland conversation with a good looking guy. So, as a good looking guy, know this: You will get more auditions with women at the cost of their leniency should they discover you have no game. Women can be harsh judges of men who don’t meet their expectations, and the good looking man who blows his advantage by revealing needy, beta game underneath the shiny surface is the biggest disappointment of all.
As for the fatties and fuglies, my advice to you is to sack up and refuse their numbers. It’s very beta to mince around number closing girls you’re not interested in because you can’t bring yourself to say the words “I’m not interested.” Trust me, they’ll be hurt but they’ll respect your manliness.
Your relationship game is solid, but only because you are dating girls who don’t really move the world for you. It’s easy to play the aloof and indifferent supreme alpha when you actually feel aloof and indifferent with the girls you are dating. Try dating a girl who makes your heart race and watch how quickly your aloofness evaporates by month six. A true test of a man’s game is how he responds when his lust and love are aflame.
Ranking: You are a greater beta.
Now your first buddy has the opposite problem from you. His game is tight, he gets girls he really wants, and he dates girls that meet his standards, but his game wilts when he lets his emotions pull him under the beta riptide. This is common to men who have emotional magnetism and a flair for drama. Men of the Mediterranean are lovers in this mold. I would guess your buddy is a romantic at heart, and probably gets off on the mess he leaves in his wake. Is it more beta to swoop easy prey and treat them like dirt in relationships or to swoop worthy prizes and lose them to the capricious whims of your lovesick heart? The question answers itself.
Ranking: Your first buddy is a nascent alpha.
Your second buddy at least gets laid. There are a lot of ugly, unfit guys who can’t manage that, even among the dregs of womanhood. So he’s elevated himself above omega status by the sheer act of penetration of subpar girls. But he is in no way an alpha. A lot of old school, traditionally masculine men with beer bellies and the TV constantly tuned to ESPN, who can fight their way out of roadside bars, are the sorts of no-game-having chumps who like to claim alpha status because they have sex regularly with their fat and ugly “old ladies”. “Oh yeeeah, I’m getting me some tonight!” you will often hear them say. Don’t be impressed. Theirs is a pyrrhic victory.
Ranking: Your second buddy is a lesser beta.
I have been following your blog on and off for the past six months. I must admit that I am highly impressed not only by your frank opinions about today’s rapidly evolving mating landscape but also by the searing, incisive wit with which you present them. As much as I admire your blog, you will not find me amongst the umpteen commentators simply because I don’t have the time to do justice to my views and yours by commenting.
So here’s the deal. I’m from another continent and have moved to the US around three months back to study at a reasonably prestigious business school in upstate New York. I did not take the trouble to personally visit the school before I joined, or else I would have immediately recognized the glaring lack of ‘city life’ in this town (I’m from a large city). That, combined with the rigors of a male dominated career (19% of my class is female) has left my poon dreams hopelessly unfulfilled. The three months I have spent here have yielded me less girl face-time than even a few hours worth in my conservatively orthodox country. Time is scarce and girls are few.
Now here’s the real deal. I’m a 25 year old virgin. I’ve been in a serious several-year-long relationship before and still come out a virgin. I’ve had a career, a well paying job, enough money for my age (in my country) and still stayed a virgin. I’m reasonably good looking (6’3”, 180 lbs, used to run 2.5 miles a day and bench 250 lbs – 6 days a week), smart, witty, funny (or so I’m told) and still managed to stay a virgin. Sometimes I feel that it must be a world first that I’m pulling off here.
I’m writing to you because a random google search led me to your ‘what a girl’s job tells you’ which engrossed me for weeks – till I had read through The Game, most of your posts, most of Roosh’s posts and even some of VK. And then some of Style’s and Mystery’s videos. It helped me heal after a traumatic breakup and appreciate the world again. To say that this has changed my life would be an understatement.
Needless to say, I have been heartbroken by my life in America. I am an immigrant with visa restrictions on a tight budget and a murderous schedule. Spare money and time are both hard to come by. After a lot of careful planning and budgeting, I have manage to work out a schedule which allows me to hit the clubs (in a 2nd tier city) at least once every couple of weeks, of which tonight was the first night. A brief description:
Started off at 2300 at a random club filled with early 20s college kids. Couldn’t muster the courage for any approaches, acted like a wallflower till I was buzzed enough to make it to the middle of the dance floor. Decided to move to another place since I felt I had lost the first-mover advantage here. Next club I ended up at was full of random dudes hitting on a shrinking pool of eligible females. Tried dancing with whichever spare girl I could find. A lot of them turned away, one said hi and then started fidgeting with the club photographer’s camera before sticking her tongue down another guy’s throat. Several others turned their backs. I’m stumped by this behavior. I can understand 8s and 9s doing this, but this is the response from every fucking girl. Is this some sort of middle-America racism? Because all these chicks are white, probably several generations born and raised in the same county. I was unsuccessful the last time I tried too. I’ve heard the lamest of!
responses – from “my boyfriend’s waiting outside” to “we’re lesbians” and “will you buy us a drink?”. But tonight I’ve finally decided to seek help because its driving me insane.
(This will sound beta, but then isn’t asking for any help beta after all?) Please look over any structural/grammatical incoherence since this is coming after a mindfucked night and ~10 drinks.
PS: I’m patriotic too but some of your right/libertarian views on immigration and world politics are unagreeable.
This email was sent to me by someone whose name was written in what looked like the Cyrillic alphabet. First, I will say that if you are going through college poon-free you are doing yourself a grave disservice. At no other stage in life will there be as much easy opportunity for fine ass as during the time you are in college. Yes, even in those majors where the ratios are skewed heavily in favor of men. After all, the campus is a big place that swarms with women from other majors.
On the other hand, since you are coming to America from an Eastern European country I understand your disappointment with the local goods. Every American man I’ve spoken to who has spent some time in East Europe has raved about the quality, quantity, femininity and approachability of the Slavic siren. You are in for a rude awakening here, my friend. Our women are the bitchiest conceited cunts in the world, save perhaps British broads. I suggest bringing whatever thug-lite Russian game you have left in your veins to bear on the American co-eds of your worst nightmares.
On to your sordid tale of woe. Sir, I simply can’t believe you made it through a several year relationship without popping your cherry. I’m certain this violates some quantum law of physics, and your extraordinary act of betatude has doomed the cosmos to a massive rip in space/time. Most likely, you were never in a “serious several-year-long relationship” like you think you were. Most likely, your “girlfriend” was never in love with you, never felt like your girlfriend, and probably got some cock on the side, regardless of the perverse arrangement you had with her. I know this sounds harsh, but the first step on the journey to alpha enlightenment requires facing the ugliness of reality head on.
I will also say this: I know it is much MUCH harder for a male immigrant like yourself to make it in this country than it is for a female immigrant. It is simply a law of biomechanics that a young, reasonably attractive immigrant girl will find herself besieged with assistance from American men and from our institutions, and her route to employment, friendship, love, and citizenship much smoother than yours. It is unfair but no one said life was fair.
Point one: Use your accent to your advantage. I used to know a couple Russian guys who were *ashamed* of their accents and this shame prevented them from approaching American women for fear of not being understood or thought uneducated. I tried to tell them that many types of accents are very sexy to American women and they should view their own as a leg up in the field. So to you I say lay that accent on thick, and speak slowly, like a Communist party apparatchik with multiple assassinations on his resume. Feed into people’s positive stereotypes and think of yourself in the way that others think of you if it helps your self-image. You are now a Russian spy with Polonium-210 issues. (If you are not Russian, then change it up to reflect a positive stereotype from wherever you happen to be. For example: African prince, Chinese martial artist, scion of Greek shipping magnate, Italian Lothario, Canadian Canadian… you get the picture.)
Point two: Banish thoughts of your virginity from your head. Indeed, remove the word itself from your vocabulary. Don’t say it, don’t write it, don’t think it. Dwelling on your virginity will only cripple your game in the field. Focus only on your moments with girls that left you with good feelings, like the time that one girl smiled when you cracked a joke.
Point three: Drop the dancefloor game and work on your conversational game. Approach girls waiting at bars for drinks and open them with an observation about one of the dancers or a cocky line about her wanting to meet you because she bumped into your arm. Dancefloor game should be viewed as a supplement to regular game.
Point four: If 5s and 6s are turning their backs on you immediately, then you are giving off a horrible whiff of betaness. You say you are reasonably good looking, so hideous ugliness is not the cause. It’s probably your body language, your fashion sense, and/or the first words out of your mouth. If you are a bad dancer, that could kill your chances right quick on the dance floor. Most bad dancers don’t realize how bad they look until someone tells them or they catch themselves in a wall length mirror.
Point five: Stop drinking so much. Copious amounts of liquor will ruin your game. A couple drinks is fine to loosen up.
In conclusion, all I can tell you, since your problem isn’t one specific issue, is to study game and start applying its teachings in the field one lesson at a time until you stop getting insta-blowouts. There is light at the end of the tunnel, I promise.
PS: I’m patriotic too but some of your right/libertarian views on immigration and world politics are unagreeable.
I welcome you to our magnificent (for now) country, but know this: The Eden which brought you here can rot and disappear under the shadow of its own moral purity. In fact, it is happening right before your eyes. The rains become the flood, the parasites become the host. Closing the door behind you isn’t hypocrisy; it’s an act of ego-transcending clarity.