This post is also available in: Deutsch
A girl had emailed me asking if I still wanted an assistant to handle the incoming mail for the summer months when she would be in town. I told her yes, but the job was unpaid except for a beer I might buy her for all her hard work. I didn’t hear back. Do some people think this blog is a legitimate business operation?
Also, for those who have emailed asking for advice or the magnitude of my schlong, I’ll get to you. I have a long list of requests which will take some time to plow through, so be patient.
I’m a fan of your blog, and I was wondering if you could spare some time to answer a few questions for me. Feel free to post any of this if you like (without my name please), since I’d be glad to hear from your readers as well.
I’m a 27 year old PhD candidate at a university in the Midwest, and I teach weekly biology tutorials groups of a few dozen students who are aged 19 to 24. One of these students is an absolutely gorgeous German, and she has been very friendly with me for the whole first semester.
I haven’t pursued her (yet) because the university frowns upon teaching assistants who are caught hitting on or dating their (current) students, so I was going to wait until my classes finish sometime in February. But she wrote me an email a few weeks ago (after our final tutorial for the first semester, and about 10 days before her midterm exam) saying something to the effect of “Hi, I’m studying for the midterm and I’m having trouble with topic X. can you help me out?”. Since I was away at the time, I responded about two days later by saying “Sure. What did you have in mind?”. She never responded to my email, and the midterm is now past. I wrote nothing to her other than that one message.
So my questions are: #1: Did I fuck up? What should I have written? #2: What should I say when I see her in January in my tutorials? Do I make fun of her for being too shy to write back to me (this is my impulse)? Or should I just ignore the whole thing? Something else?
And #3: Could you give some general advice about how I might go about approaching my female students? Bear in mind that (a) many of them are foreign (not sure if this matters), and (b) I will pay a very high cost if any of them go psycho on me and tell the university administrators a story about how I was sexually harassing them (whether true or not).
Biology, eh? Girls love the life sciences. So hands on and humanistic. First off, as a teacher, you are in a position of power of the type that is particularly attractive to nubile students under your thrall. Leverage your power to the maximum and score some fine ass, or you will live to regret your inaction. When you are old, will it be more consoling to you as your life wanes feebly to its inconsequential end that you followed the rules and behaved ethically, or that you made love to beautiful young women that the average man can only dream of doing? In the classroom there is a Pavlovian relationship between the dinner bell of your high status and the salivating of the vaginas squirming in their seats. You may not get these opportunities outside school, so formulate a plan of action that includes both the seduction and a way to cover your tracks.
All right, on to the gist of your question. Usually, if a girl extends herself first, she is definitely interested in the bang. But in your case, the possibility exists she may have flirted to manipulate you for one-on-one tutoring or even grade fudging. Girls are very aware of their power at that age. Why didn’t she respond to your email? She may have gotten cold feet because she really does like you but knows it’s wrong. HA, I kill myself! I can count the number of women I’ve known in my life who gave two shits about ethics when their personal interests were on the line. A boyfriend could have re-entered her life. She might have thought you would read too much into her request and want sex when she didn’t. Or she was so in awe of your power that she felt unworthy of your company; it sounds strange to you, but girls really do react to male power like men react to female beauty — they get dizzy in the head and their self-doubts sabotage any chance at love. The fact that she’s German leads me to believe it was the latter; cultural differences in conjunction with the power dynamics may have caused her to flake. It’s hard to tell exactly what she’s thinking based on the details you gave without observing her body language around you.
I don’t see anything wrong with your email to her considering the circumstances. You kept it short and vague enough that the school couldn’t use it as evidence against you in the worst case scenario that she rats you out or the future affair gets discovered. Normally, asking a question is very beta, but you’ve got to be wary of what you archive in email. Had you had this discussion with her in person and out of earshot you should have given her a time and place to meet.
When you see her again in January it will be too late to make fun of her for not responding. Too much time will have passed. Any reference, however cocky, to some long ago email will strike her as the beta move of a man who remembered something written by an ostensibly lower value girl. I would treat her like any other female student — arrogantly and flirty.
Approaching female students is tricky. Foreign female students could be easier, as many foreign girls are more comfortable accepting male power as sexy and admirable; to them, sleeping with professors is the natural order of things. Throw out feelers asking them if the class has been a challenge. See if they’ll take the bait. You’ll need to run your game in places where there are few prying eyes. Only you know where these are. Mixed faculty/student bars? The Quad? Your office after hours? The bathroom on the floor no one uses? Don’t worry about meeting her in stealth. Girls get off on the thrill of pursuing forbidden flings.
Here is an update from a reader whose email I included in a previous Reader Mailbag.
Hey, you wanted a three-month update, here it is:
-I bought MM, and read more Juggler. I got blown out a ton of times–as I had said earlier, I’m not the most attractive guy–but I did go on a date (spent $1.50 for her coffee) and got laid twice. She was a 5.5, which is good considering my history.
Reading your blog makes me hate public institutions and women. I won’t go postal or anything like that, but I definitely won’t hesitate to discriminate against women and alpha males in the workplace when possible (in the subtlest possible manner). So, let me ask you two questions, if you do choose to answer them in an e-mail or on your blog:
-I’m so naturally beta that I wonder how much I can transform myself. How much will game do? And how would you advise betas to get out of this pathetic mentality (held until one discovers and perfects game) that one is naturally a beta, that one is naturally small and worthless in this utterly realist world, and that one’s advances are “inappropriate” (whereas alpha males’ advances are appropriate or sanctioned). You advised me against negative thinking last time…I’m trying man, I’m trying.
-Second, what would you advise us to do? I think what you write makes me pick up on so much anti-beta sexism in media/institutions. Is there any constructive advice you could give to all betas on your blog? I say this because I could see many beta males potentially just getting pissed as hell at women in general. And I don’t know if the masculine way of letting out this frustration–violence–is the best immediate way to solve this problem. Even if society needs an angry/violent beta revolution, I don’t think that you want most of your immediate readers to act violently against women.
$1.50 for a 5.5 notch is very good. You deserve to feel pride in your accomplishment. If you can keep up that level of noncommitment and cheapskatery while scoring ass, your confidence as a man will zoom. As for hating public institutions, I think this is inevitable as more and more betas wise up to the fact that the game is rigged against them from the start. Evo psych has buttressed a groundswell of understanding and resentment that will, I predict, rip apart the cooperativeness that has been a hallmark of the rise of the West as a world dominating culture. The flipside of commenter Whiskey’s accurate analysis — that the soft polygamy of the feminized West means less concern by beta males for the misfortunes of women and children — is that those beta males are also less likely to admire the alpha males and follow them into battle. Instead, they will learn from the alphas and adjust their behavior such that they are, in practice, continually usurping alpha power for a shot at all that free flowing pussy.
So go ahead and hate public institutions. After all, they hate you. But don’t let that carry over into hate for women. Do remind yourself that women, like men, are only acting in accordance with their animal desires. They are no more responsible for those evolved instincts than you are for wanting to eat when your stomach growls. Commenter Thursday wrote something along the lines: “Success with women makes you like them more but respect them less.” Refusing to cough up your respect for a woman who hasn’t earned it is not the same as hating her. So don’t let a reasonable and personally advantageous level of cynicism about women morph into hate, or your love life will suffer.
I’m so naturally beta that I wonder how much I can transform myself. How much will game do?
Learning game will transform you. How much is a question of commitment, preexisting suite of alpha traits, and ability to withstand rejection. Some guys see their notch count triple (mine quadrupled). Others see a strengthening of their relationships. Still others see only marginal improvement. If you knew beforehand that spending a year learning game would net you just one girlfriend one point higher than the best girl you ever banged, would you commit yourself? What if all the effort amounted to no more than one extra one night stand? A lot of lesser betas and omegas who are cursed to realize very little improvement from learning game commit themselves to it despite the odds. Because men know there is nothing more hellish than to go your whole life never feeling the sex and love of a woman. Really, what’s the point of living? Love is life’s penultimate pleasure.
And how would you advise betas to get out of this pathetic mentality?
Your negative thinking is strong. It’s written all over your email. My advice is going to sound cheesy, but what I’ve been told works really well, when negative thoughts intrude, is to yell “STOP” out loud. You have to say it, not just think it. For whatever reason, this simple act “resets” your brain. Also, memorize a list of positive, complimentary words like “charming, confident, stylish, etc” and say them out loud to yourself: “I am one charming motherfucker”. Do it with a sly grin. Imagine you are James Bond and literally fool yourself into believing it. You’d be amazed how our thoughts reveal themselves in our body language. Chicks pick up on this shit.
that one is naturally small and worthless in this utterly realist world
Poon Commandment XI: Be irrationally self-confident. “Irrational self-confidence will get you more pussy than rational defeatism.” A balance must be struck: Accepting the ugly truths is necessary for game, but don’t wallow in what those truths have to say about you personally. What’s the point, really? Wallowing is feelgood pity whoring on the cheap. (See: DA) It doesn’t get you any closer to your goal.
Second, what would you advise us to do? I think what you write makes me pick up on so much anti-beta sexism in media/institutions. Is there any constructive advice you could give to all betas on your blog?
My advice to betas who have seen the light: The system is discredited. It is broken. You have only to see to it that your own interests are served. Turn off the TV, shut out the whitenoise of the greater culture yammering less than useless platitudes into your ear, and keep your true friends close. Dispense your loyalty sparingly. Think of yourself as a saboteur leveraging the zeitgeist for your benefit. Get into a fight once in a while; it’s good for your heart.
From a woman:
First off, I just want to compliment you on your blog. Your honesty about women, men and sex is a nice change from all that p.c. baloney about compromise, sex not being that important, etc. You’re also an excellent writer.
Anyway, since you post about alpha, vs. beta vs omega men and women, I thought I’d get your advice on how to handle being hit on by an overly clingy, desperate omega man.
Last night at a singles dinner I saw this clingy omega guy, who I had met a while back, who was on me like static cling.
At our first meeting, the guy, who I’ll refer to a “O,” parked himself over at my table. When I wanted to leave the dinner, O offered to walk me home through Central Park back to the Upper East Side. I declined his offer, but he still insisted on walking me out of the building until I found a cab, which I didn’t want either. I mean, there’s no way I would walk through Central Park at night with some stranger. What kind of idiot would expect a woman he just met to walk with him at night through Central Park?!?!?
Anyway, I saw him again last night. This time he came to my table before dinner was served, quickly introduced himself, and then told me the people at his table were all cliquey, and that he couldn’t find any other table. In order to be polite, and to distance myself from him, I tried introducing him to the other people at my table.
That was obviously a bad move on my part since O asked one of they guys at my table to switch seats so he could sit next to me. The guy that switched with him later came over and apologized to me, since he could tell I didn’t like O. It turns out he didn’t want to be rude to O either.
So to get right down to it, how would you brush off people you don’t like? I’m basically a polite person. But on the other hand, I don’t want these putzy omegas all over me just because of it.
Flattery will get you everywhere. So you have attracted your very own pet omega. Doesn’t quite boost the ego like attention from a worthier man, does it? If anything, it makes you feel worse. I know. When fat chicks hit on me, I wonder if I’m losing my edge that bottom dwelling dregs of womanhood feel they have a chance. Then I remember it’s all just part of the wonderful fabric of life, and I feel better.
Assuming your story is true and you aren’t twisting the facts to suit some anti-reader mailbag agenda, I guarantee men reading your email winced with disgust at this putrid display of betatude. The stink of the loser can clear a room from twelve parsecs. I have to wonder, though, if you led this guy on the first time you two met? Even if you didn’t consciously do so, some betas will see flirting in the most innocuous female gestures, as desperation and hope warps their ability to distinguish reality from fantasy.
Based on his aggressiveness pursing you and his public appearance (true omegas rarely attend social gatherings), I’d classify your admirer as a lesser beta with no game but a lot of blockheaded fortitude. These are the worst types, as they will make a nuisance of themselves until you impress upon them in the clearest possible way that they have no chance. Arrogant nerds and asperger cases fall under this classification, as do guys who have good careers but nothing else going for them.
What kind of idiot would expect a woman he just met to walk with him at night through Central Park?!?!?
Offering to walk women home when no attraction has been built is a classic needy “please love me” maneuver. Your dry pussy is stoking your contempt for this weak specimen of manhood. I hope he’s reading. Shock is often the only way to enlighten the blind beta.
In order to be polite, and to distance myself from him, I tried introducing him to the other people at my table.
I think this was a mistake. Why foist him onto your tablemates? That only gives him the excuse he needs to loiter with your group. Politeness only encourages the aggressive lesser betas. If there was an empty chair, you should have lied and said it was being saved for someone. The idea is to make him uncomfortable, not to introduce him to your friends.
That was obviously a bad move on my part since O asked one of they guys at my table to switch seats so he could sit next to me.
And there you go. I should really read ahead.
So to get right down to it, how would you brush off people you don’t like?
Forget politeness. Say “Oh, hi” and “that’s nice” while he’s blabbing and make it obvious with your body language and facial expression that you are about to rejoin a conversation with your friends. If he persists in making himself unwelcome, firmly say “well, I’m going to get back to my friends now. BYE.” and turn your head sharply away from him. Don’t wait for his response.
Another shrewd move is to have a strategy with one of your friends in case a clingy lesser beta intrudes on your fun. When he walks over and starts talking, your friend dials your cell phone. Look at the phone and say “Oh, wow, this is important. Sorry, I have to take it. See you.” Let the phone be your cockblock.
Or have your beefy male friend insert himself between you and him and pepper him with guy questions about his job. You’ll need to work out a nonverbal code beforehand which will summon him for help.
In worst case scenarios, scream “RAPE”. Or just tell him I’m your lover. That cows even the most stubborn suitors into submission. A man’s gotta know his limitations.