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Her: I have to tell you something.

Me: Oh man, here we go. What?

Her: It’s going to make me look bad. I’ll understand if you hate me after this.

Me: You’re a child molester?

Her: I’m married.

Me: [thinking about the last girl who forgot to mention she was married] Fucking great. Really?

Her: Yes, really. I’m a bad person.


Her: Would you like to do me in the ass?

Me: It’s funny how you ask so matter-of-factly. But, yeah, sure.

Her: Ow ow ow ow. Eeee.


Question for the studio audience: In what order did these two conversations happen?

This holiday season, we should all take time to remember that women

  • have little sense of justice.
  • perfected the art of amorality.
  • like to be choked.

Merry Christmas!


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