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This post is also available in: German

It’s another installment of Reader Mailbag. The previous edition can be found here.

Email #1

Great series this week on the different chick types. You think you can give some ideas/advice on how to break through a DC-specific subset of women, namely, the cold hard preppie country club (real or wannabe) girls who hang at Smith Point, Town Hall, Paolo’s, etc? It seems that unless you’re in their social circle, there’s no way to blast through their bitch shields. I’ve got above-average game but I don’t look/dress like that crowd and I refuse to wear pink popped collared shirts and pants with lobsters on them to infiltrate. Many of these chicks are super hot though. How does a gamer bounce these young rich chicks in to bed, aside from talking/lying about your trust fund and house in the Hamptons?

L.

My first response: Why would you even want these types of girls? Then I remembered — to corrupt their blueblood souls. Carry on.

Every type of girl is in a “social circle” unless she’s so ugly or fat she is forced to strike out on her own. Girls come preprogrammed to seek the protection and support of the tribe, so their first instinct when dropped into a new city and out of their parents’ house is to build allies and draw social boundaries. As a regular guy, you’ll find it just as hard to blast through a hipster chick’s bitch shield as a Georgetown prep chick’s bitch shield. The details may change but the bitch remains the same.

You’ve got two options; either play the rebel outsider to the hilt, or assume the accoutrements and tastes of the social group you want to infiltrate. Since you loathe the latter, you have to connect without the crutch of preapproved social cues. If you can expertly lie, and you’re only interested in quickie flings, you could pull a Talented Mr. Ripley act and crash their scene like a nouveau rich unknown from lands afar. The brooding artist outsider who gets invited to all the swank gallery openings is also an effective fusillade aimed right at the pretentiously status-conscious soft underbelly of the WASP crowd. If you can’t lie like a champ, any efforts to go blingo-a-blingo with the upper classes will fail; there will always be some dude richer than your lies.

My advice is to laugh off the money talk. When she mentions her daddy’s yacht, tell her your rowboat has better fuel economy. Class and money honeys are constitutionally drawn to men who don’t play by their high society rules. As long as you steer clear of any hints of resentment or insecurity, and talk about your passions in a way that she can’t help but love, you’ll have success. Oh, and don’t rag on the popped collar douches too much around her. While you might think glib putdowns of her social scene would build a secret world with you and her, it just as likely could make her defensive. It’s a fine line between edgy and bitter.

Email #2

Although I think you occasionally overreach, you seem to be onto

something, so I thought I’d ask you about small-town girls.  I lived
in a big city for a long time (and got plenty of play) before moving
out to a town of less than 100,000 and missing more often than
hitting.  There is something different about small-town girls that I
can’t quite put my finger on.  Any leads?

R.

Leads? See here. In the small towns, your number of pump and dumps will fall, but your odds of finding a quality girl for a relationship will rise. It’s simple sexual economics. Hotter, ambitious chicks with high circulating levels of testosterone flock to the cities to pursue their dreams (AKA make enough money to buy haute couture sweaters for their small dogs) and meet a great man (AKA fuck the same three dudes every other girl in the city is fucking). The difference you are seeing is that small town girls from good backgrounds (i.e. not trailer trash) are more feminine, less slutty, more traditional, and less likely to cheat. The downsides are that more small town girls are fat and uber religious. The big upside? Chicks in the sticks have little firsthand experience with game. They will melt under your onslaught.

Email #3

I have a cousin who has absolutely no game. He is older then me, and when we were younger I always looked up to him because he is really funny and incredibly smart. Now that I have grown up, I envy his job and money, but the fact that he can’t pick chicks up is really bothering him. While I’m not like a super player, I have never had much trouble with girls. The problem is that he has the potential but just cant get out of his shell.

He is new to the area, having just moved back to up state NY, and I haven’t been able to successfully hook him up with any one. This how ever is making it increasingly hard to spend time with the girl I’m currently slamming.

I want to help him, But a wing man can only do so much. What do you recommend?

Any guidance would be appreciated. He is getting to that bitterness that just makes it hard to be around him.

Thanks for your time,

J. D.

You can lead a cock to pussy, but you can’t make it penetrate.

Btw, for all you “alpha is a leader of men, not a bedder of women” believers, read this man’s email closely. His cousin has a great job and lots of money and was always looked up to because he is “really funny and incredibly smart”. Those are alpha traits that other men admire, but because of his lackluster skills with women, the emailer is getting to the point that he doesn’t even want to go out with him anymore. This is because the one thing men admire MOST in other men is their expertise at meeting and fucking women. The evidence is in the envy.

J.D., I would suggest, if you can trust your cousin, having your girlfriend wing with him. This will do more for his ability to get conversations going with women than all the professional pickup wingmen in the world, thanks to the powerful force of preselection. If she agrees to do this, reward your girl with tenderly administered blasts of semen to her face. If she doesn’t agree, sign your cousin up for a bootcamp.

Email #4

So here’s the deal. I’m [name withheld] from your blog
(please withhold the e-mail address if you’re planning on publishing
this e-mail) and I need help with this chick from my college.

She digs my best friend, and I kinda dig her too, and she has this
crazy bet that if I can get my best friend to reciprocate her
feelings for him, she’ll have sex with me. She’s seriously willing to
live up to her end of the deal. The problem is that my best friend is
somewhat of an orthodox Muslim and I think his religion even forbids
him from kissing girls before marriage. Also, I don’t think he has
any sexual feelings for the girl, even though I’d peg her at at least
a legitimate 7 out of 10.

So, how can I get my friend to like the girl so I can collect
on the deal and have sex with her?

This is so fucked up I love it. So she’ll have sex with you if you can somehow convince your best friend to want to have sex with her? Better yet, you have to convince him to feel attracted to her if he doesn’t already? And do it all facing Mecca and under threat of decapitation by enraged family members? Inshallah!

I’m just going to pretend this isn’t a put-on, because it’s what the readership would want. Fact: If a guy isn’t physically attracted to a girl, there is NOTHING she OR you can do about it. But who cares about facts? We’re in it to win it! Tell your Muslim friend that 72 virgins in the afterlife, and $100 right now, await him if he goes on a date with this freak chick and acts like he likes her. Tell him there is a loophole in the Koran which permits fornication with dirty subhuman infidels for the purposes of spreading Muhammed’s seed of truth. Now all you have to ask yourself is if this chick’s booty is worth $100, a mountain of lies, and a possible fatwah against your heathen ass.

Email #5

Thanks for your blog, your posts have given me immeasurable insight. A question (which you may post on your website without my details), the answer for which will be timely for me in the coming weeks.

Could you please name 3-5 karaoke songs which a (lesser) alpha male would choose as a first time solo performance? Also 3-5 songs which to avoid at all costs. You can assume no singing talent at all and a complete newbie, but someone who has no problem with stepping into the limelight and enough confidence not to choke.

Thanks in advance,

T.

Karaoke songs a lesser alpha should sing: Metallica’s Master of Puppets, Tori Amos’ Little Earthquakes, Pet Shop Boys West End Girls. Good luck!

(I’ll let the commenters have at this one.)

Email #6

so.  i’m curious about something and hope your vitriolic, narcissistic self might have the answer…

why is it that guys like audibles?  not in the football sense, of course, but in the sexual sense?  in the ‘i want to hear you moan/tell me how big i am/how you feel/what you want/what a bad girl you are’ sense?

maybe i’m just a slut…  but i’ve heard this from enough guys (and girls who are less slutty than me) to know that something doesn’t jive with guys’ ‘oh, we’re visual creatures’ thing…

hugs and kisses,

K (aka dirty blonde)

ps – dirty blonde was used when i posted about hair (it’s my hair color).  but i liked the double entendre so it stuck.

“Vitriolic, narcissistic self”? You know the way to a man’s heart, K.

Audibles (and by this I do NOT mean play calling; leave that for the lawyer chicks) are like negs — best in small doses. A little moaning here, a little grunting there, and an occasional gasp when, for instance, my member is throbbing in front of your face making you go cross-eyed, goes a long way. There’s nothing more annoying than a chick who can’t shut the fuck up for a second during sex. Incessant moaning like a retard who got bopped on the head tells us guys that you are either being a phonyfuck who really isn’t into the sex all that much and who hopes making exaggerated love noises will convince you otherwise, or you have watched too much porn and think this is what we want to hear. Personally, I lose my hardon when the chick in the porno moans the whole time and I’m forced to turn down the volume on my speakers. It’s distracting from the main show: The splitting of her vulva.

fucks and jizzes,

R (aka the man who gave dirk diggler penis envy)

ps: you said “stuck”.

Email #7

Here’s my “anonymous” question for you.

I agree with the approaches on chicks. I’m gay, and the less interested I am in them, the more they wanna get it on. Even times I’ve told them “I like the ass”, the still don’t get it. Man, get a chick going, and she won’t fuck off.

Anyway, here’s my question. How do your maxims apply to gay dudes? I notice a lot of comments you’ve made that women date ugly dudes, but men RARELY ever want to date an ugly chick. So, do you think the same sort of thing applies to the ‘mo’s: if you’re a sad, chunky, beta male, you’re basically hosed as a homo? Because guys want hot, ass or poon – period?

I know you’re def. not gay, but you probably have some contacts in gayland who can expand a bit on the “maxims” and how they apply to us b-pirates. And, for god sakes, it might just be a fun experiment to expand into some diversity. I still have a cock that needs attention. I mean, why not?

Or maybe you’ll just tell me to blow off, since this is all about the poon. But come on, we all just wanna get it wet.

Man, I’m eager to hear!

JP.

Redirect to: David Alexander.

Gay men have the same sexual attraction mechanism as straight men, except that it is oriented to the same sex. This means gays value youth and beauty in other men. Old queens are indeed hosed. Luckily, with all their discretionary cash accumulated from not having to raise children, they can afford the services of young male prostitutes. I’d imagine ugly gay men have it worst of anyone. At least ugly straight men can bring other things to the table, like charm or social status, to attract girls. Viewed in this light, it makes perfect sense why gays spend an inordinate amount of time primping themselves and removing all body hair. Gays are basically women who don’t lie to themselves that it’s what’s on the inside that counts.

So hit the gym and the CL Casual Encounters, cream puff!

“And, for god sakes, it might just be a fun experiment to expand into some diversity. I still have a cock that needs attention. I mean, why not?”

You have me mistaken for someone who is French.

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