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As I’ve mentioned before, if you do not want your question made public on the blog, say so specifically in your email, and I’ll send my answer to you privately. Honor among players, and all that.
I am a senior @ Princeton. I read your sight daily and need your help. I am ultra-beta…and can’t get any girls as a consequence (in college!). Need tips on how to change…I’ve read all the literature, done most of the stuff. I just need fundamentals on becoming beta (fuck, even my e-mail address is fucking beta).
I try to act like an asshole, but that just pisses girls off and they get aggressive or storm off. I’ve read Cajun’s stuff, but all I can manage to generate is asking beta-casual questions or acting nonchalant (which gets me zero attention…I’m not that attractive, just 5’5”).
Any words of advice? Anything? I could really use help…I’ve read all your archived shit, read the comments on a regular basis. I just need fundamentals. Where the fuck do I start?
Thanks in advance (I hope)…
Ah, Princeton. I spent quite a few weekend nights in that leafy town prowling for smart co-eds. Birthplace of Thomas Sweets ice cream. Sir, technically an “ultra beta” is a lesser beta. Please brush up on the terminology.
Let’s get the harshness out of the way first. If you can’t get laid in college, you are going to get laid even less after you graduate as a lesser beta. Why? Because it is ridiculously easy to get laid in college, if that’s all you want. Maybe WASPy Princeton girls are especially frigid, but regardless you should consider your failure to score as a college student an unused condom in the coalmine. Troubles lie ahead.
Your attitude is very negative in this post. You remind me of a lot of beta friends I’ve known — always beating themselves up, pinning everything that goes wrong on their own stupidity or cowardice, never seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Realism is an important first step to begin your self-improvement journey to respectable womanizer, but you need to leaven realism with optimism. Your inner game will shrivel if you’re negative all the time. “Fake it till you make it” isn’t just a slogan. It works.
I just need fundamentals on becoming beta (fuck, even my e-mail address is fucking beta).
Perfect example. I’m going to demonstrate how you should have written the above to train your mind to begin thinking like an alpha.
“I just need the fundamentals on becoming a James Bond-like pickup alpha machine the girls can’t keep their hands off of (fuck, i might even change my email address so girls get wet reading it).”
See, isn’t that better? Now don’t ever soil my inbox again with your puling betabitch self-pity whines. David Alexander has that territory covered.
I try to act like an asshole, but that just pisses girls off and they get aggressive or storm off.
I’m guessing you haven’t shed your beta body language, so when you act like a pure asshole you come off incongruent. Girls hate nothing more than incongruence, because it triggers their “false alpha flag” reflex. Here’s a handy asshole chart I’ve devised to help you understand the nuances of assholery:
Asshole + Alpha + Charm = get laid like gangbusters.
Asshole + Alpha = get laid regularly.
Asshole + Beta = get laid occasionally.
Asshole + Lesser Beta = don’t get laid but win moral victory in face of rejection.
Asshole + Omega = she gets her guy friends to beat you up.
Asshole + Lesser Omega = she gets her girl friends to beat you up.
So you can see the power of assholery is somewhat relative to the sexual market value of the man. I like that you are channeling your inner asshole, but you need to get a handle on your other game skills before you start spewing insults like a bum with Tourettes. Being an asshole works best when used as an adjunct to good game.
I’ve read Cajun’s stuff, but all I can manage to generate is asking beta-casual questions or acting nonchalant (which gets me zero attention…I’m not that attractive, just 5’5”).
Cajun is excellent. I don’t believe half of the stuff I hear about pickup artists, but from what I’ve read, seen, and been told Cajun has the goods. Stop asking casual questions. If you must ask questions, make them quirky. “Do you know where I can buy an eyepatch? I just found out my grandfather was a pirate and I want to keep up the family tradition.” You get the idea. Also, acting nonchalant does you no good if you’re invisible to her. And don’t worry about your looks or height so much. Despite what many men think and what some women say, looks are not that important once you have good game. You may not get the hottest chicks, but the skills you’ll learn will allow you to bang chicks one to three points higher than you on the looks scale, which I believe is every man’s birthright and, indeed, every man’s duty. And if your height is holding you back, there’s a simple solution: Hit on girls shorter than you. There are plenty of them.
I just need fundamentals. Where the fuck do I start?
Start with these:
Mystery Method e-book (still the Bible as far as I’m concerned)
David DeAngelo’s cocky/funny series and interviews with the gurus
Pickup 101’s Fearless First Impressions, Attraction Secrets and Art of Rapport DVDs
Stephane Hemon’s Ideagasms Squirting (you’ll eventually need this) and GTP program
The Real Social Dynamics and Stylelife internet forums
Badboy ebook and DVDs
Carlos Xuma and Zan DVDs
Robert Cialdini’s book “Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion”
Robert Wright’s evospych book “The Moral Animal”
Matt Ridley’s evo book “The Red Queen”
Also, let me put in a plug for Roosh’s book Bang, which is an accessible compendium of solid game strategy.
Get out in the field while you are plowing through all that material. Don’t become a keyboard player. The first challenge you must overcome is building immunity to rejection. All else flows from that critical initial step. Immunity comes with repeated exposure. Memorize TWO solid openers, THREE negs (or pebbles, as Style calls them. I.e., “Wow, who brought their little sister to the bar?”), THREE ready-to-go lines for common shit tests you’ll get from women (“You have a BF? Great, so does my girlfriend.”), TWO value generating stories, TWO rapport building routines, and ONE venue change line (“I’m thirsty. Are you thirsty? Let’s go back to my place and sample some fine tap water.”)
I want a progress report in three months.
Long time reader, etc, etc.
Here’s one for you; maybe even worthy of the mailbag.
I (28) just started working at a big law firm in NYC. As soon as I got there, I hit it off really well with one of the research assistants (26, carries conversations intelligently, a certain 7 and occasional 8 ) . We had a pretty flirty couple of weeks, but the firm has pretty strict rules against inter-office dating. However, she quit the firm during my second week to take a better job elsewhere, so I invited her out. One minor shit test easily passed, things are going really well, I poked the appropriate amount of fun at her flip flops, her eyes are twinkling … and I get a call that my uncle, who raised me since I was 6, has passed away. I didn’t collapse into a puddle of blubbering goo, but my eyes definitely got moist and I may have had a Michael Johnson style lone tear or two trace a path down my cheek.
She was very sympathetic when I told her the news and gave me a long, full-frontal hug before I broke it off, put a few bills down, told her that I wanted to be alone, and left. She sent me an email two days later to ask how I was doing.
Here’s the question. Normally, tearing up is anything but alpha behavior and simply ruins the prospects with the girl. Does this circumstance count as exceptional? It has been a week and I certainly would like to ask her out again, but I won’t bother if this is going to make her see me as overly sensitive and, well, a herb.
What do you think?
Lawyer chicks? Man blubbering? I have two things to say to you.
Seriously, though, this can only work in your favor. Stop overthinking. Unless the chick is a hardcore ballbusting nutneutering scrotesmashing alpha lawyer-wannabe bitchbot, your show of emotion under the circumstances was a turn-on for her. The only thing herby about you is worrying what she thinks of you.
Sometimes I get the feeling you guys already know the answers to your questions, but just like to write it out and email a complete stranger for a sympathy hug and three pats on the back. Paging Lemmonex…
I need some advice. I’m probably a pretty unorthodox visitor to your blog, so this is probably an unusual question for you, but I would like your perspective.
I’m a 20-year-old girl in college. I’ve been badly in love with a close friend K. (my age) for two years. From time to time I’ve sort of managed to talk myself out of it, but then there I am again, alone in the evening and missing him desperately, or waiting for him to come over and then falling all over myself to carry his suitcases and fix his tea.
He hasn’t been interested. Or rather, he’s been interested in a way (we kissed twice, and once he wanted to hook up) but not interested in a relationship. That was all right; we stayed friends. But now he calls me all the time, and I find myself dropping everything to see him, and this is trouble.
A little bit about me: I never got any attention from guys as a teenager (I’m nice-looking enough, but I was always too shy and serious) so this is a new, strange world for me. Suddenly I get asked out with some frequency. And now I’m trying to get into some fiendishly competitive grad schools (math and economics) so I’m going to have very little free time.
The trouble with K. is that he’s kind of messed up – he had to leave school for a semester due to depression – and sometimes he doesn’t seem to be serious about his own future. I know this makes me sound like a terrible person, but I’d be embarrassed to tell my friends and family about him. I need some kind of nice, clean-cut, ambitious guy who takes me out on standard dates. And yet I’m attracted to K., my dear friend, who’s nerdy and messy and constantly shooting himself in the foot. Even nice girls get horny sometimes, and I have spent years restraining myself from what I’d like to do with him.
What do I do? Any advice would be appreciated.
First, send me a jpeg, full body shot, high resolution, naked or in lacey lingerie. I’ll need this to thoroughly evaluate your, uh, character traits.
This email was sent via a Princeton edu address. What’s up with Princeton? It sounds like students from there have forgotten how the penis and vagina fit together. It’s supposed to be a school for smarties. Maybe that’s the problem.
You mentioned two things that jumped out at me. One, you haven’t had sex with him yet, and you rebuffed him the one time he tried to hook up with you. Two, you’re “nice-looking enough”, which, translated into manspeak, means you are probably a 6. Coupled with your major in math and economics, your score could even be as low as a 5. So I will now give you a rare glimpse into his mind, the mind of a man:
“She’s not putting out and she’s not hot enough for me to make any effort.”
Hold my hand, child, it gets worse.
So why is he calling you now so frequently? Ah, good question. Most of the time, when a man re-engages a woman he used to be lukewarm about, it means he is horny and lonely. Your mediocre vagina now seems a better choice than his calloused hand. Maybe he tried picking up a hotter chick and failed, so running back to you looked like a good option. You certainly have made yourself accessible to him, so there’s no real challenge for him to earn your emotional support.
Or maybe he had a revelation that he has always been in love with you and it was time to show it…….. NOT.
It is obvious to me that you like badboys. You write that K. is “nerdy and messy and constantly shooting himself in the foot” and that you have tried to talk yourself into being attracted to clean-cut nice Abercrombie boys. But those boys don’t excite you like the way K. does. K. refuses to conform. He is a rebel, a social renegade, a self-destructive energy vampire who plays by his own rules, and that autonomically moistens your muff.
Here is my advice. Stop trying to fight it. Fuck him, get it out of the way, then move on, because fucking him will not cause him to love you forever and ever. I know these types of guys. Hell, I once dabbled with playing this type of guy. They live to validate their self-esteem through others, that is why they are energy vampires turning the self-pity trick. It’s him against the world, right? And you want to save him, to join him on his path to redemption. Am I correct?
Yes, yes I am.
He thrills you because, deep down, you know your “relationship” with him is doomed. Your need for drama is perfectly complementary to his need for validation. You have to clear your mind, S., and drop the savior act. Know that nothing permanent can come of your time with him, and in that knowledge you will finally free yourself to love him with everything you have, and to savor the moments you share, without the burden of expectation.
Make love when you can, because it is good.
Yours in the Light of Lucifer.