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I’ve written before that I learned a lot about game by carefully observing men in the field who were naturally good with women, at least as much as I’ve learned from books and internet forums. Every man growing up should have an alpha male mentor, or at least should be part of a social circle that has at least one alpha male so that he can watch and take mental notes about what works with women. I’ve had a few of those guys in my life and they were indispensable to figuring out what behaviors cause women to respond positively.
There is a flip side to that coin. You can learn just as much about what *not* to do by meticulously observing betas getting shot down. Not only will you see which behaviors are counterproductive, but you will get a better feel for those subtle changes in facial expression and body position that girls who have suddenly lost interest will convey.
Here are some of the things I’ve learned by watching betas at the exact moment they got rejected, like the sad but amusing moment Ralph Wiggums suffered Lisa’s rejection.
- Betas smile too little and smile too much
Yeah, it seems contradictory, but betas never have a firm grasp on when and how often it’s personally advantageous to smile. They don’t smile when they walk into the bar or before they’ve started talking to a girl, and they smile too much once they are in a conversation with a girl. This behavior reveals their tormented beta soul: They are unhappy to be there until a girl’s presence makes them happy. Would an alpha relinquish his state of mind to another person? Especially a woman? No. His joy is self-generated.
- Betas are reactive
You can tell a lot about a person by how quickly they answer a question. When a girl asks a beta a question, he answers promptly and enthusiastically. When someone taps him on the shoulder to get his attention, he spins around immediately, looking almost shocked by the intrusion into his personal space. This is reactive behavior. The first says “Wow I can’t believe a girl is talking to me!” The second reaction says “I am skittish because I doubt my ability to calmly handle these high pressure social situations.” Alphas always pause a second too long before responding to a girl, pushing her to the brink of slight discomfort. This makes her intrigued. Alphas also do not react hyperdefensively when another man confronts him. They take their sweet time, savoring the buildup of tension. This allows them to think of the best thing to say, and to take stock of the situation.
- Betas play it straight
Betas seem to have forgotten what childhood was like. They take life too seriously, and they take girls even more seriously. They always answer questions straight, as if life were a final exam with right and wrong answers. This mode of thinking is toxic to pickup. Girls secretly don’t want you to answer their questions; they want you to tease them mercilessly, at least until she is attracted to you. Alphas instinctually understand the art of playfulness.
- Betas push themselves on people
When someone gives the beta the time of day, that person becomes the center of the beta’s universe. I have often seen betas lunge into the personal space of women, like an aardvark snuffling for termites, who were initially friendly with them. Betas quickly manifest the stink of neediness given the chance. Their focus is too intense too soon. Alphas, by contrast, keep their bodies loose and uninvested in the conversation, until they have decided the time is right to divert all their valuable attention on the person in front of them.
- Betas can’t stop looking around
The next time you watch a beta standing by himself holding his beer up to his chin, notice how often he lets his head swivel around the room. Back and forth, up and down, all around. This behavior shows too much concern with his environment. The alpha gets the lay of the land early on, then minimizes his head swiveling. Think about it, how much does the king who sits on his throne swivel his head around the castle room? Not often, because he is the center of attention, and people’s heads swivel to him.
- Betas are defensive and apologetic
Sometimes a girl will call the beta out on something he said. She will challenge his story or make fun of his opinions. The beta invariably bristles, defensively correcting her or huffily and spastically clarifying whatever point he was making. Often, he will simply apologize in so many words. Girl: “I can’t believe you like that band! They’re so derivative!” Beta: “Well, I didn’t say I liked them that much. They can be a little derivative, that’s true.” Compare how an alpha would handle this. Girl: “I can’t believe you like that band!…” Alpha: [cutting her off] I take it you’re a Britney Spears fan, then? Explains a lot.”
- Betas always look like they have a load in their pants
Are betas incapable of finding pants that fit them? It would seem so, because they all wear ill-fitting pants and walk in a way that suggests they loaded their diapers. Alphas seem to know how pants should fit on a man.
Before I was exceptionally good at meeting women, I once caught myself in a bar wall mirror talking to a girl who was slowly losing interest in our conversation. I was appalled by my awkward body language, and sufficiently stirred to action by the reflection of my betaness to change those behaviors that were holding me back.
Every man should hit on a girl in front of a mirror, and stop to observe his posture. Better yet, he should have a buddy secretly film him in the field. The wake-up call will leave him stunned.