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Qualifying Her

This post is also available in: German

What are two truisms of seduction?

That women want to feel like they are valued for more than their looks.

and

That women want to earn a man’s interest.

This is what the whole idea of qualifying women is based upon. By demonstrating to a woman that she must meet your standards which go beyond how she looks you indirectly communicate that

a. you have discerning taste

b. you are a challenge to be won

c. you can be both a and b because you have choice in women.

One way to demonstrate you have standards is by asking her questions designed to put her on the defensive. These are not open-ended “getting to know you” type questions like “what’s your favorite movie?”. They’re more incisive than that. The answer you want from her is implied in the question you ask, so she’ll feel obligated to win your approval by answering the right way. Once the pickup ball starts rolling in this direction, the power dynamic begins to shift away from her and to you.

Following is a short list of effective qualifying questions that will let the girl know you are a choosy man. Timing is everything. Use them after you have gotten indications that she is attracted to you, usually 10 to 15 minutes after you’ve opened her if your game was tight. She will feel no reason to qualify herself to you if she isn’t already interested.

  1. Can you cook?
  2. Do you give good backrubs?
  3. Are you a good kisser?
  4. Do you do much traveling?
  5. Are you rich?
  6. Are you smart?
  7. Are you the jealous type?
  8. Is there more to you than just your looks?
  9. Are you low, medium, or high maintenance?
  10. Have you ever given a dollar to a homeless guy when no one else was watching?

Don’t be afraid to express some disappointment if she doesn’t answer your question in a way that pleases you. Let the disappointment show on your face. Don’t make a huge production out of it; a deflated “oh, i see” or “that’s too bad” will work just fine. If she quickly tries to correct the wrong impression she left with you then you’ll know she sees you as someone worthy of pleasing. She’ll be in chase mode, which is where girls WANT to be despite what they may claim to the contrary. (Older washed-up women, don’t bother contradicting what I say. You have forgotten what it’s like to be a young woman.)

Qualification questions can also be framed in the form of statements. Saying any of the following in the course of a conversation, sometimes with a half-serious grin to blunt the impact, subtly projects that you are the one to impress, not the other way around.

  1. You better still look hot when you get older.
  2. I’m not interested in [XYZ].
  3. You get points for that.
  4. I’m gonna change the subject now.
  5. I don’t know if I can be with a girl who likes to [XYZ].

In my experience, most men forget to qualify the girls they date. Their inner game is so geared toward trying to impress her that they never even think to turn the tables and interview HER for the job. When women go on dates, they are interviewing the guys, whether they admit this or not. The way to defeat her at her own game is not to accept her terms of engagement at all. Instead, flip the script. Use her weapons of courtship against her. When she tries to qualify you, brush off her attempts like you would dismiss a bratty little kid trying to goad you into a dare. The posture to adopt is amused mastery of everyone around you.

After you’ve built up a store of experience with women, you’ll start to have real standards that they must meet. Your choosiness will no longer be an artifact of game but a core component of who you are as a man. Having standards that include more than how she looks will make you very attractive to women, because it subconsciously telegraphs that you are not so stricken by beauty like an inexperienced man that you would abandon your other criteria. When you can walk away from dates out of true conviction rather than tactical advantage your inner game will be like heart of lion.

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