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Witty Banter

There are two types of chicks that give me headaches.

The girl who gets aroused by witty banter. Usually this will go on for hours until she is sufficiently lubricated for sex, and then another three hours after sex to seal the bonding process. Eventually, I give up on girls like this, and turn one eye to the TV while she banters into my exposed ear. 

Please, Witty Banter Woman, get your endless witty banter foreplay with a gay boyfriend (they are known to have the gene for witty banter) and then come back to me for the nonverbal coup de grace. Why do you think hours of verbal sparring, double entendres, and superclever sexual innuendo will get and keep my cock hard? I blew my witty banter load on the first run-up to your pussy, when it mattered. Maybe if you were being oh-so-clever while inserting yankee candles into your pussy I might be motivated to parry your repartee.

The other type is Political Activist Chick. Nothing drains the mood faster than a heated one-way discussion about abortion or George Bush while my hand is sliding up your thigh. Unless you have something truly original to say, I don’t care. You may think arguing over politics is a romantic way to build a connection, but it only makes me want to kick you out in favor of porn. I have learned through hard, annoying experience that 90% of DC girls, especially supposedly smart girls who have graduated from a Seven Sisters college, have retarded political views that parrot whatever happens to be the consensus among their peers. The remaining 10% have rational opinions and are also smart enough to know that it’s not sexy to talk politics.

America took a turn for the worse once single women started voting in droves.

Witty Banter Woman and Political Activist Chick wistfully remind me of one of my Russian ex-gfs who would just sit there and knit or organize her recipe book in between giving me world class hummers. Sometimes she’d spice up our blessedly short convos with a loving Slavic nickname for me (I think it was loving). Her grasp of the nuances and idioms of English were not great so hours of witty banter and political sermonizing were automatically off the table. Not talking keeps the passion burning longer.

Finding the perfect woman is proving to be a chore. Viva sexbots!

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