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1. Shun losers. They will magnify your worst personality traits.
2. Acknowledge your strengths AND weaknesses. Improve those things about yourself which will benefit most from your efforts and avoid squandering your energy trying to attain minimal competence in areas you are naturally weak.
3. Dispel negativity. Always picture yourself at the top of the mountain looking down than in the valley looking up.
4. Don’t defend your limitations. Your ego can as easily hold you back as propel you forward.
5. Jettison politics from your personal life. Jawing about political ideology is worse than useless — it’s a time suck and a trick played by your status-seeking reptilian hindbrain on your frontal lobes that does nothing to bring you more happiness OR status. Your vote really won’t matter. Don’t believe me? When was the last time a significant election was decided by one vote?
6. It’s OK to hate. Like greed, it clarifies.
7. When in doubt, affect a pose of indifference.
8. Live by a fluid code of ethics. There will be those times when acting unethically will be personally advantageous and relatively consequence-free. In these cases the guilt won’t last more than five minutes.
9. Fuck resolutions. They are for people who couldn’t get their shit together the previous 365 days.
10. You are not a special little snowflake, but you should act like you are. If people are going to form impressions of you it’s better they make false positive ones than true negative ones.
11. Stop living your life as if karma will reward you for your goodness and smite your enemies for their badness. A mystical moral payback system does not exist. See: Chairman Mao.
12. If you are a guy with options, don’t get married. It is a raw deal. If you do get married, and the inevitable shittiness of it reveals itself to you in phony headaches, mundane monogamy, domesticated servitude, escalating expectations, and divorce theft, don’t say I didn’t warn you.
13. There is no such thing as unconditional love. If a girl gains 50 pounds her boyfriend will fall out of love with her. If a guy loses his job and drifts into months of unemployed depression his girlfriend will fall out of love with him. Thinking clearly on this will give you the best chance to find real love.
14. Never compromise on love. It is the only thing in this world that isn’t bullshit.
15. Many of you will think #14 contradicts #13. You would be wrong.
16. The next time you think girls are sugar and spice and everything nice, just remember… they like to be choked.