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Perverted Porn

If the variety of porn is any indication, most guys are capable of acting out the craziest atrocities fantasies in the bedroom.  But the appeal of some bizarre porn niches baffles me.

Drinking cum out of a glass
Grossout rating: 8
Worse than that scene in Rocky where he gulps raw eggs.  Jizz should not be drunk like a cocktail, no matter how strawberry-kissed the lips slurping it down.

Sexual perversion rating: 9
Where is the turn-on here?  There’s no hot humiliation aspect a la facials, and the girl is making gurgling noises and grimacing while choking back the slime.  Usually the camera is zoomed in on her mouth, which means her naked body in the background isn’t visually available to distract from the repulsiveness of her cumchugging.  You’d have to be a world class pervert to get aroused watching this spectacle.

Two guys one girl
Grossout rating: 2-10 (highly variable on male to male physical contact)
There’s a reason why male porn actors get little face time and are reduced to mere functional genitalia to occupy the woman’s orifices — guys don’t want to see hairy, sweaty naked dudes obstructing the view of the girl any more than is necessary to get the coital point across.  Two of them is just double the obstruction.  And if one of them happens to misfire and accidentally shoot his load into the face of the other guy, well… let’s just say I would need many MANY fucking years of therapy after watching that.

Sexual perversion rating: 4
Judging by its internet popularity, the fantasy of two men shish kabobing a woman isn’t uncommon.  But if scrotums start commingling, cocks start touching, or male body parts start incidentally rubbing against each other, the perversion rating zooms up to 10 if you’re a straight guy.  It drops to 1 if you’re gay.

Cum swapping
Grossout rating: 5-8 (depends on volume of transfer)
This is right up there with the cum cocktails.  I dunno, a girl spitting skeet into the mouth of another girl doesn’t seem like a visual treat to me.  Maybe I’m sexually repressed?

Sexual perversion rating: 6
Beyond missionary, not quite a sheisse vid, cum swapping exemplifies de rigueur perversion.

Bukkake
Grossout rating: 7
Plus: facial.  Minus: cascading sheets of semen.

Sexual perversion rating: 7
I suppose an argument could be made that where one is good, one hundred is better.

Frat house voyeurism
Grossout rating: 4
More annoying than gross.

Sexual perversion rating: 5
Lord knows I understand the thrill of fucking in public, so porn dedicated to that popular perversion makes sense.  But fucking in front of a roomful of drunk fratboys whooping like retards and giving play by plays?  This turns me off faster than watching The View.  I suspect the LNS crowd digs this stuff.

Machine/medical instruments sex
Grossout rating: 5
The inside of a vagina should not see the light of day.

Sexual perversion rating: 5
Eh, uninspiring.  Makes me empathize with an ob/gyn visit.  Props to the Sybian, though.  Ten bucks those girls are really getting off!

Do my wife
Grossout rating: 1
Not gross, just disturbing.

Sexual perversion rating: 7
When I’m watching a good fuck, I don’t want to see some guy playing the husband character sitting in a nearby chair and pretending to be emotionally distraught as his “wife” gets pounded by one of the bang bros.  Seriously, what kind of dweeb goes in for the cuckold fantasy?  Obviously someone who has DEEP fucking insecurities and wrestles control over them through whacking off to adultery porn.  If I’m gonna identify with anyone it’ll be the pool boy, not the sap, natch.  Now stop crying, bitch, and hand me your wife’s speculum.

Asslicking
Grossout rating: 10
Falls under the category of “Can never get clean enough”.

Sexual perversion rating: 8 (her ass), 10 (his ass)
Hey, you’ll find no bigger aficionado of anal than me, but there’s a world of difference between plowing her with my tool and getting her dingleberries caught in my teeth.  Girls don’t shit wafer thin mints, so how is licking her anus supposed to be fun?  I pray I never shake hands with a guy who gets off on asslicking porn.  And porn where the girl licks the guy’s carpeted asshole?  Sweet fancy moses, why don’t you just reach in the bowl and eat his log, scatgirl?

Squirting
Grossout rating: 3
No, I don’t mean natural squirting, which is a beautiful act of humanity.  I mean the supersoaker squirting where they fill the girl’s pussy up with a gallon of skim milk and let ‘er rip.  Exaggerating the normal bodily functions is pretty much the byline of porn, but twisting it into a ridiculous caricature of the real thing is a complete turnoff.

Sexual perversion rating: 3
Enjoying the sight of a girl squirting is perfectly normal.  Enjoying the sight of a girl vomiting out of her vagina is slightly perverted.  For guys who like this, I suspect childbirth regression issues.

What’s going on here I think is that straight sex is no longer enough for a segment of the male population.  The bar of deviancy is constantly being raised to the point that foreplay includes golden showers.  I predict women will continue to dress and act sluttier so as to satisfy the ever-growing demands of porn-raised generations of men.

Coincidentally, paternity testing will also rise.

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