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Embarrassment is a beta emotion.
A year ago, I had number closed a waitress working her shift at a popular DC lounge. We were able to build a halfway decent connection despite the fact that our conversation was interrupted every few minutes by a customer’s order. Before I was about to leave I asked for her number. She balked, and I thought maybe I had misread her interest. But a quick glance around revealed otherwise – she didn’t want to be seen giving out her number in front of her boss and co-workers. I told her to be a spy and go find a place to hide for a second, write her number on a piece of paper, and then return and secretly slip the paper into my hand as she walked by me. I visually demonstrated how I would be holding my hand — down low against my side with my palm up turned backwards. She slipped me the number 10 minutes later and I heard her giggle as she walked by, happy to get a chance to role play in between dealing with drunk patrons. A couple days later I left a voicemail which she never returned.
I wasn’t surprised. I gave it even odds that she would flake based on a mental checklist I made of her:
mid 20s: -1
not enough rapport: -1
lots of physical contact: +1
conservatively dressed: +1
east european: +1
large breasted: -1
A few weeks after that encounter a friend called asking me to join him and entertain his date’s third-wheel girlfriend on promises that she was hot. [editor’s note: he pumped the stock.] He was not asking as a favor to me, though that was a potential side benefit, but as a way to demonstrate value to his new girlfriend that he could play matchmaker as well as pre-empt any sourpuss buzzkills by the single friend. Motives don’t matter so much to me as long as I’m getting something out of the deal.
We went to the lounge where I had met the waitress, and she was working that night. She recognized me with a double take when I walked in. The four of us sat on a couple of couches and she came over to serve us. Before I learned that women were to be treated like interchangeable commodities pre-sex, I would have found this situation awkward and uncomfortable. One, for the reason that I’d feel obliged to pretend her flake, or even our conversation last time we met, never happened. Two, for the misplaced discomfort I’d feel running game on another girl right under her nose. These feelings faded away to uselessness once I realized that I have no obligation to ensure the peace of mind or social ease of any woman I have gamed or am considering gaming. What’s more, with experience came the understanding that “awkward” situations which would make betas cringe and search for the nearest exit are in fact opportunities to increase the attraction voltage, and that they work on almost any woman.
While the waitress set our drinks down and I was palm-reading my date, I noticed a band-aid on her cheek along with the telltale flashing eyes and cocked grin of someone who was alternately uncomfortable and intrigued by my presence. I didn’t stop holding my date’s hand when I turned to the waitress and began flirting with her all over again. “I’d read your palm, too, but you might like what I have to say.” [big smile, pointing to bandaid] “Wow, what happened? Did you cut yourself shaving?” I could see she was trying to figure me out. I caught her a few times staring at me across the room from her post beside the bar. On the way out, and with my date walking in front of me, I paused and told the waitress “Maybe we’ll get a chance to talk some more next time I’m in here.”
Devil-may-care nonchalance in the teeth of a socially tense moment is very attractive to women. Like mirrors, women reflect our emotional state and if you are projecting awkwardness she will want to get away from you because she’ll start to feel the same way. If a girl flakes on you, and you act as if nothing was amiss should you see her again, she will feel those quickening pulses of attraction for you. As a player, never feel guilt or discomfort with your actions or with the whims of women. You will be rewarded for your state control.