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Alpha Assessment Monday

This post is also available in: Englisch

This is the first installment of Alpha Assessment Monday, where the readers and myself judge your conversations with women, or the conversations you plan on having with women, for its alphaness. Mockery, scorn and useful advice will be doled out in equal measure.

The first submission is from ATC:

Background – at the time of this interaction we’d been dating for 2 weeks. She’d slept in my bed a couple of times but wouldn’t escalate past 2nd base, despite the fact that I’m pretty sure I felt a Norplant-like device under her upper arm. [editor: ew.] If this is indeed what it was, I think it would be very hard to underestimate her sluttiness (for actual alphas, of course). She’s 23 and divorced (i.e. dumped) her husband a year ago.

Three days after this exchange, she started distancing herself and her texts became more pro forma before disappearing altogether by the end of the 3rd week.

Via text:
Her: Hey some buddies of mine saw me with you last night and they asked if you were my bf haha…people are gossiping now…but I cleared up the confusion.

Me: I’m too badass to be a mere bf.

Her: Hahaha geez…well I didn’t tell them anything [note: contradicting what her 1st text said]. Hmm, do you mean like a super buddy or what?

Me: That’s a label, and I don’t think we’re the type of people who are given to labeling ourselves.

Her: Hmm, I’m not sure I understand, but if what you’re trying to say is that you don’t want to be tied down, that’s ok because you can do what you want and so can I. =)

Me (6 hours later): Hey, guess what I overheard the hairdresser telling her girlfriend about me?

Her (immediately): What? (etc. etc.)

One crucial beta move jumps out — you let a girl sleep in your bed with you without getting any nookie. In other words, she got everything (companionship, sleep, validation, emotional orgasm) and you got nothing except Olympian blue balls.

A few times in my life a girl I had begun dating attempted this “we can sleep together and cuddle as long as you keep your hands to yourself” routine. This magnificent shit test is just about the most selfishly indulgent act of cruelty a woman can foist on a man. If you ever wondered whether women have *any* empathy at all for how a man feels and thinks, the “sleep but no sex” shit test should answer your question: Women don’t have a clue about the male sex drive, and of those that do have a clue they are cunty sadists if they pull this stunt.

I learned my lesson the hard way (quite hard) and ever since have responded in one of two ways:

  1. I left if we were at her place, or I kicked her out if she was at my place.
  2. I molested her all night long until she either relented and we screwed or she gave up on her idea of sleeping in my bed peacefully without sex.

By letting this chick sleep in YOUR BED on HER TERMS, you have stamped your forehead with a big, bold BETA. She now owns you. Don’t be surprised if she pushes the bitch boundaries with you a lot harder and a lot more often than other girls you have dated. Once a girl smells beta chum in the water she will circle your flaccid, bleeding husk for eternity, biting chunks of manhood out of you until your dignity is consumed or she tires of batting you around like a cat toy.

Moving on, the Norplant is a huge slut tell. There’s no other way to put it. Girls with a modicum of intelligence and conscientiousness will choose to take the pill over having a stick buried in their flesh. Seriously, what kind of women use Norplant? Ghetto trash. Impulsive thrill-seekers. Nymphos. Raw dog lovers. Recently divorced girls who plan to live it up with all the random cock they missed when they got married young. If you feel a Norplant in your girl, you’re one small step from double dicking her festering hole with one of the Bang Bros.

On to the text exchange.

Her: Hey some buddies of mine saw me with you last night and they asked if you were my bf haha…people are gossiping now…but I cleared up the confusion.

Total bitch. You like this chick? Her shit tests are smelly and transparent. Is she from a lower class? On the plus side, she’s thinking about fucking you. Girls don’t shit test guys they have completely written off.

Me: I’m too badass to be a mere bf.

A swing… and a miss. The problem with your reply is that you played right into her frame. And her frame SUCKS. It’s rotten to the core. The only acceptable response is a reframe, or genuine, sincere, knock the snot right outta her, ASSHOLE GAME. An example of what I mean:

YOU: [after 8 hour delay] I’m confused. You’re talking, but I don’t see you buying me a beer.

Let’s take a look at your next text.

Her: Hahaha geez…well I didn’t tell them anything [note: contradicting what her 1st text said]. Hmm, do you mean like a super buddy or what?

Me: That’s a label, and I don’t think we’re the type of people who are given to labeling ourselves.

You’re scrambling to catch up to her. She’s leading this bitchy, Norplant-embedded conversation and knows it, too. Your reply sounds like something you gleaned from a PUA guide book and misapplied at the wrong time, when it was too late to have the intended effect.

Her: Hmm, I’m not sure I understand, but if what you’re trying to say is that you don’t want to be tied down, that’s ok because you can do what you want and so can I. =)

Me (6 hours later): Hey, guess what I overheard the hairdresser telling her girlfriend about me?

Her (immediately): What? (etc. etc.)

This was the best exchange with her that you had. You ignored her beta bait, waited an appropriate amount of time (six hours) before responding to a woman of her character (low), and re-engaged with some random observation. That she answered you immediately tells me two things: One, she was still contemplating you as a sexual creature. Two, she’s a fickle drama whore who can’t resist dumbed down gossip. The way to game these types of girls is NOT to feed her world of drama with your own manufactured drama. That road leads to LJBF and more sexless slumber parties. The way to game them is stone cold, one word assholery. These girls love to fill in the blanks when you tease them with brief, erratic discharges from your reptilian brain.

Maxim #30: When in doubt, ask yourself “WWJD?” What Would a Jerk Do? Then do that.

Your Alpha Assessment Score (AAS) on a scale from 1 – 10: 3 (Your instincts are poor, but self-awareness is the first step to alpha status.)

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