I’m happy to inform guests of dishonor that the campaign to infiltrate polite society with the secretive butthex teachings of the Chateau is under way. A reader writes:
I think you speak the truth about men and women.
A few weeks ago I read your post about drawing smiley faces on your girl’s tampons, and I loved it so much I worked it in to my stand up routine.
The link to me performing is here – it’s all about how to save your marriage. The second point, about improving your sex life (with your wife) you might think is a bit beta, but I wanted to work in the stuff about not wanting it to be over quickly, and it does tap in to a widely held view.
I wish you the best – you are doing God’s work in educating men about women.
The beta stuff isn’t bothersome. I consider it a Trojan Horse to sneak in alpha wisdom. All comedians know that packaging scandalous truths in pretty bows is sometimes the best way to condition the audience’s receptiveness to the thoughtcrimes about to pop out like a jerk-in-the-box.
Anyhow, you can watch the vid below. I’d say it’s NSFW, but only because your female boss is a raging feminist who is envious that men are funnier than women.
lzozozlzo
heartsistez!!! congratatszz!!! zlzoozzoo
if ever dey ake a movie laiuughing at da secrteiv taping butthcxtxing cartlez that sosodomoize your future wife and coneevrt coneefevrt her into a a vehicccle of wleath transfer for teh fdderal reereve, bernankifiying her through her butthole in coleleg, through her osu through her soul in femisnisnz classes, and throug her bank account by masive bernake student loanz which you as a husband will have to pay off in additin to dfufning da furtehr asockcing sessiosns with the her x’s whenever they find her on facebook when they ride through town to revisist her anthunholez lzoz…
well, if ever dey make a movi like this, i will laugh!!! lzozlzo
instead of teh avenegers iron man and da hulk
we would
have
heartsite and da GBFM lzozzolzzozozo in our capes and itigtz tightz flying aorund the world, resucing womenz from sectriev tapingz of fbutthext desluling sesisosnsz prima bnoctca like those filmed by tucker max whehyemz iwth godlman sax zlzlzlzozlzozo zlzolzo
heye herataztztess!!!!
i jjust relaized dat feminisms = war neoococnw warmongering war which is why jonah godleber loveszz fmeinsisnziznz!!! lzozlzl
i justs posted thiss at teh epesearheadz so i had to bring da gramamazrz up to snuff like tehe wkkelly standtatdhdz zlzozlz:
http://www.the-spearhead.com/2012/06/19/boys-wont-be-boys-anymore-we-are-now-proudly-obsolete/
Dear All,
In war, when a nation conquers another nation, they often kill the men and take the women as wives and/or sex slaves.
Feminism improvises on this, by taking the wives as sex slaves for those who print money, while letting the conquered men live on as debt slaves to pay off the debt created by the money-printers/debt-creators.
Women are bernankified in college–they are desouled in secretly taped buttcocking sessions performed by the neoconths favoriet Tucker Max rhymes with Goldman Sax who is published and promoted by female editors and Weekly Standard writer, and rewarded with hundred of thousands of Bernanke dollars, fame, and fortune for his act of secretly taping his acts of desouling sodomy performed on women–perhaps your future wife.
Women, while being desouled in secretive tapings of butthext, are also butthexed by being saddled with vast debts.
Once upon a time a man making an honest living could marry a debt-free women who had never been butthexted nor desouled and converted into a vehicle of wealth transfer.
Today even a millionaire will only find a desouled, bernankified, haggard, butthexed woman, eager to transfer his wealth to the fiat masters whiel kidnapping hi children at gunpoint and placing them in the care of the corporate state.
Such is the nature of fiat inflation.
lolz
In your personal experience, GBFM, are desouled women better or worse dancers than souled women?
ye its war of 5th generation first there were formations, spartan bad-boys, then there were lines fronts and shit than there were tanks and gas than there were planes bombarding troops, than there were planes bombarding cities.
then came radio tv, hollywood and a new war started. war on ur minds noobs. and were not winning.
I concur and officially endorse this campaign ad to create the office of secretary of wealth transfer from men who work to the evil ones who butthexwithdebt.
Dear great Sir, that was a kickass post!! LOLZZZZ times 10.
Great content and video, very funny Chateau. Keep up the great work!!
If you marry a [buttexed] chick with high student loans, you probably don’t actually have to pay off her student loans. For the most part, her debts cannot be collected against what is your own property, and even a lot of property jointly-owned is exempt from creditors.
This statement should in no way be taken as an endorsement of marrying a [buttexed, bernankified] woman; in fact, I wrote this solely in case one of you finds out you were drugged and subjected to a marriage-rape drug and put through a ceremony against your knowledge and will and are trying to figure out your legal options.
Also, in such event, don’t tell your wife that you know you are not responsible, so she’ll continue to go around thinking that her student-loan burden is lowering her SMV more than it really should. Act very concerned, and draw up a divorce settlement where you get all the property if she agrees to pay her own student loans.
lozozlzzl hey DDIRK!!! they should put your words into cooelege brochures!!!!
i can just see a parentz reading dis in da admissionsz office orificie:
“If you marry a [buttexed] chick with high student loans, you probably don’t actually have to pay off her student loans. For the most part, her debts cannot be collected against what is your own property, and even a lot of property jointly-owned is exempt from creditors.”
heyeye dirk.
you write, “Also, in such event, don’t tell your wife that you know you are not responsible, so she’ll continue to go around thinking that her student-loan burden is lowering her SMV more than it really should. Act very concerned, and draw up a divorce settlement where you get all the property if she agrees to pay her own student loans.”
i have a betteerz ideassz zlzozoo
why not justy hook up with it when it is younger hotter tighter twenty puounds lighter, and den let a beata pauy off teh sutduent loands and cretdidt cardz adfeter it has been bebernnanakifed and debauched and deousled and indebtified on da lotsa cockas carorouslsez zlzozlz
Its johanson, not johnson, but if you’ve seen my huge johnson, I can understand the confusion
lzozozoooz
i thought tdat dirk johnson was just a misspelling of
DICK JOHNSON
zlzlozozoozzlooz
becaue i know dat not ever9yonez can afford a c good spellcheck like da aging neoocoonth ladies at the weekly standardtdhd who have great grammarz and woenderful spelling for their articles that praise buttehxters who buttethext grls and tape it in secrteetc and lie about tehri heieght like ucker max eywme siwth godlman sax doethzhz zlzozozozozoz
I will never understand that dope Charlotte Allen. I’ve seen F*cker in person floating around AUS and he’s not even 6′ as he claims. He just looks like a typical frat-boy idiot but with the butt-THexing lithp.
GBFM I bookmarked her article for reference
http://www.weeklystandard.com/articles/new-dating-game
HEY FUCKTARD DIRCK JOHNSON!!!!
EVERY PENNY YOUR BUTTHEXED EBRNANKIIFKFIED WIFE HAS TO PAY FOR HER STUDENT LOANZZ IS AN EXTRA PEENNY YOU HAVE TO EARN TO SUPPORT DA HOUSE FMAILY YOU FUCKTARD SHITHEHEHADD!!! lzozozoz
also, just iumagine all the credit card she racked up that one summer in europe, going from club to club and getting beebrbankified by byutccockers random buttcockers the whole summer.
not only do you have yto buyz her an anaggegment ring, but now you have to help pay off the debt that funed teh assocckings which she gave away for free, and ins now charagingyou for lzozozzo
dis has been a dr. GBFM econ 10101 lessonz zlzozozolzo
Gbfm, sticj to being a sage and prescient social commentator and leave the legal nitty gritty to me. Well, the legal nitty gritty AND the. strategies to get hookers to give you free sex. A lot of bernanke money doesn’t really have to be paid back. Something like 89% of people in debt settlement programs are chicks. Use chicks’ debt against them; tell them if they divorce u and get property in their name, the studentmoneylenderz will take it. As for getting them b4 they r desouled, good luck. I know a hot15 year old who is so in love with her boyfriend. You know why such a young hot thing is in love? Cuz he is a criminal and has been caught, including mainly stealing guns. I just left him in jail. Meanwhile, I have led a life of crime. I speed all da time, always have drugs, have sold drugs, and do hookers like they are going out of style- sometimes all at the same time. But I don’t get caught, so now – am reduced to trying to fuck the 15 year old’s flabby mother. That’s why not.
GBFM,
With a minimum of aforethought and planning, her credit card bills should not become his problem. In fact, a Cheateau-trained relationship gamer should turn her credit card bills into a pretext for not combining assets, or doing so to the most minimal extent. That way when she gets butthexed by the pool boy, she can’t say half of whats yours is mine and the poolboys quite as easily.
Stick to being a sage and prescient social commentator, and to thong design, and leave the legal minutiae and getting-free-sex-from-hookers-strategies to me.
Yes, I agree hooking up before the desouling is a good thing – easier said than done. I commit crimes on a near-constant basis, but I’m too smart for my own good so never get the pussies quite as moist as I would if I got arrested. Maybe I should just go turn myself in on something, though, now that I think about it. “Here, coppas – here’s whats left of an eight-ball I bought six months ago that I sold some of to a hooker I paid and then fucked. You got me. I’ll flip on the hooker if you promise my mug-shot will go on the front page of one of those newspapers showing who got arrested so I can get more free sex. It’ll keep me off the streets.”
Just left a consult with a juvy friend of mine in adult jail for, among a slew of others things, stealing and selling guys (allegedly). He has a 15-year-old girlfriend – I never saw a chick so in love.
Also, its johanson, not johnson, but if you’ve seen my huge johnson, I can understand the confusion
Great job for a first-ever stand up!
Patrice O’neal understood how things work.
May he rest in peace.
I liked the fish metaphor in the second half
In the name of the father: the links between religion and paternity
http://www.robbrooks.net/rob-brooks/2004#more-2004
Haha, amazing – gotta love the closing; “it’s a shame society is so invested in assuring paternity – sure, it has it’s benefits, but think of the lost opportunities in not allowing women to cuckold their spouses!”
And I have no doubt he, and the majority of society, believe this is how things should be.
So now I’ve been a hipster for having read this blog before his act? Fuck me. Thanks a lot man…
Does “game” work for omega males or is it mostly geared towards beta males ? I have autism and chronic fatigue syndrome so I’m basically an omega male by default. I’m not like the extreme examples of omega males used on this blog (600 lbs). I’m 24 years old and still a virgin. I’ve never even kissed a girl before. I don’t just suck at talking to girls, I suck at talking to people period. I’m very slow and it takes me forever to think of things to say, just in a normal conversation.My IQ is probably around 90. I don’t think game can help someone like. Am I wrong ?
Game is about social rules, it can give you a direction to go in in a conversation. It usually can help you improve over what you are currently getting whatever level you are at. Try two simple things for example for talking to women and see if you get some more positive initial outcomes. 1. tease her (always best done with a half smile) ie wow what a chatty cathy you are! (said to a girl who doesnt or isnt saying much)… 2 say things that make her feel emotion-not boring questions or statements the classic example of this is asking the woman if she has ever met a man that she felt an instant connection with..were she just felt an electricity that she couldnt deny….. Ive met guys with low IQs who had game, sometimes it helps because the low IQ guys usually are less sensitive to rejection, and its the attitude that counts anyway. If you’re still worried about it, buy yourself a T-shirt that says “Dumb but Fun!” As they say in marketing if your product has a major defect that can’t be fixed-Feature it!
My suggestions are single moms and fat chicks. But seriously, you are trolling.
I’m one of those rare low IQ guys who’s also extremely sensitive. I also have a lot of trouble expressing any emotion so just a half smile is difficult for me. I’m too slow to tease a girl about something. Even if I rehearse something I’ll have no idea what to say afterwards to keep the conversation going. I think I’m just verbally disabled.
lzozozozzlz
it is ok duderz
my good firend jesss7th jeustsh jesus never hooked up a whole lot
and hew as still very cococlllo xcoooll
sex and buttthsext with modenr hagagrd deosuled womenz isn’t all its crakced up to be (buttcrakceed up to be) lzoozozzo
follow a dream a goal something abovess and greater dan women
menz greta boosk for menz teach us dat
mother = mater = material = earth
father = further = farther = the stars plato’s forms astract exlated ideals the sky and soul
so as man follow your fathers further fatherther to the sky
instead of trying to lie
on the earthz with matter mere matter dat goes spatter
while the soul transcends
come my fine frinedndd
come and follow me da GBFM
for my yoke burden is eays and my load is light zlozlzlozo
once upon a time when i pursued matter womenz egg yolks, my load wasn’t soso light but since i have blown so many loadz, now lmy loadsz is light lzozlzoz
but what i am saying is
god bless u
and just be true
to u
and invest your love in avstract idealz
and den womenz will repsect u
and wfoflows u
lzoozozozoz
bets of luck iwth life universe and everthingzz zlzozl
Scrape up some money and start blowing loads on hookers faces; it’ll help develop your verbal skills. Seriously, it will. You won’t care so much when you’re trying to carry on some inane conversation with other chicks.
Honestly, I think if you’re Omega, you need to work on your foundations before trying game. It could be therapy or medication. It could be fitness. It could be scraping together a social life (or getting out of the social life you’re in–no friends is better than bad friends).
I graduated from omega to beta by getting on ADHD meds, losing a bunch of weight, and moving out on my own. The difference is striking. As an omega, I didn’t have any clue what it was like to see the look of interest in a woman’s eyes, of occasionally knowing what it’s like having a woman go out of her way for you.
I doubt that the next leap is possible for me, from beta to alpha, but I imagine that such a leap would be similarly striking.
IQ my black ass. This is either a troll, or you have very well developed writing and verbal conceptualization. You can get game going fine. Just remain aloof, and always turn the conversation to sex in a lighthearted way.
I met a girl who said she wanted to have eight kids. I have an “IQ” of 139. But I fucked up and said she’d better start soon because women are supposed to take off at least a year between brats. I should have asked “What do you think is the best position in sex for the woman to get pregnant?”
“My IQ is probably around 90.”
Seems a bit low, unless it’s due to some strange lopsidedness due to autism. Sucking at talking to people is frequently shaped by social anxiety, which is independent of IQ.
Pretty good act. After he asked if there were any married men in the audience, I expected him to say..”Ok then the rest of you can go home”
Very nice performance, I also liked the phillipa bit that took an interesting circular turn around. Very out of the blue connection but cool story.
That was actually pretty funny, I doubt it was his first time though or he’s a natural.
I think the stats part about how women find men hideous was a bit too long, I would just say that “your wife might not find you attractive because most likely her friends don’t find you attractive” that angle might work more quickly.
who cares? our civilization is doomed.
so I’m blocked now , huh?
Nice! Love the ‘King of Comedy’ pic
trojan horse principle – as old as time and still delivers
So is this Heartiste in the video or someone else expousing the same ideas?
Get routine.. I’d love to see this guy slow down his timing a little bit and go prime time.
Yupp if the comic is reading this, great job, just try to relax a bit because he seems to be talking over a lot of the laughs. So pace it out and you’ll be a star!
Well if it’s his first set ever… most people bomb the first time.
He was pretty good.
I think it works better in a British accent. Draw li”le smiley fices on eh tampons.
Why men will always have the upper hand: Women are stupid.
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/06/10/fashion/modern-love-her-future-is-in-the-cards.html?src=recg
1500 words in the New York Beta Times about psychics, eggs, babies, husbands….chick crack alert!
“A two-hour reading costs as much as a fancy dinner for four, with wine.”
I do feel bad for women, though. Some are just so stupid.
Only some?
“More evidence that universal suffrage was a mistake. http://nyti.ms/LfZ3zh”
Why?! It’s a beautiful story and I actually felt less anxious about my own future after reading it. What does it have to do with suffrage?
[heartiste: ya know, most autistic headbangers like yourself at least get to enjoy the benefit of thinking rationally once in a while. however, you don’t even have that saving grace. your comments here and elsewhere are hackneyed, vapid and bereft of an iota of insight. you are stupid squared.]
Yeah, I’ve noticed her autism winning multiple grand prizes at the state fair, too.
Re: ”I bet I can guess accurately a commenter\’s betaness or alphaness based only on the handle he chooses or the email address he uses.”
Now you\’re just getting bored and full of yourself.
[heartiste: maybe. but try this:
[email protected]
[email protected]
who’s more likely to be beta?]
Annoying that I failed even to use my TRUE identity in that comment. But Christ, the first one is only partially intelligible. Ladyslayer may have nothing but grand delusions, but at least those might lead somewhere. Anyway this is a horseshit contest that only invites us to deepen our aspie side. Until it gets funny, that is. Honored and welcome Chateau guests, I have faith in you.
[heartiste: chicks dig the grandly deluded. kenneth noisewater would be an example of an alpha handle.]
Wow. I just asked a question …
[heartiste: nobody ever “just” asks a question, especially not advanced, if unintentional, troll operators like yourself.
go back to sailer’s board and write some more benumbing drivel. it’s breathtaking.]
Can you now stop with all this?
[heartiste: why make a request you don’t really want to see fulfilled?]
I’m not a troll and I do not comment anywhere else (if that helps?).
[liar. you comment at sailer’s. and your attitude over there is, shall we say, a bit more aggressively anti-male and anti-game than it is here where a guy like me is willing and able to call you out on your insipid bs.]
nobody ever “just” asks a question, especially not advanced, if unintentional, troll operators like yourself
and especially not women.
guys you guys have u seen “retard” game in “goon”? is brilliant
His bit about Megan Fox was hilarious.
Pretty generic/unfunny stuff.
Did not lol.