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What’s the word I’m looking for when an oligarch at the helm of a company which invades the privacy of its customers and pushes for a dystopian regime of 24/7 surveillance of Americans gets his personal life exposed by the very privacy-killing society he eagerly advocates for the peons?

Oh yeah….TRUMPMA.

This is too funny. Text messages between Betazos and his Wall-imminent lover Dirty Slamchez were hacked and released to the public.

(fyi Betazos was sexting Sanchez months before he celebrated his wedding anniversary with his wife. It doesn’t sound like they were separated during his affair, as his publicists claim!)

Some samples of Jeff Bezos’ tender texts:

I love you, alive girl. I will show you with my body, and my lips and my eyes, very soon

“alive girl”

His non-alive women only felt that way in bed.

Does he show his love with his eyes independently, like a chameleon? One eye scans her tits while the other eye takes stealth screenshots of her email and location?

I want to smell you, I want to breathe you in. I want to hold you tight.… I want to kiss your lips…. I love you. I am in love with you

“I want to deliver myself to your doorstep”

You know what I want? I want to get a little drunk with you tonight. Not falling down. Just a little drunk. I want to talk to you and plan with you. Listen and laugh

The soy is strong in this one.

I basically WANT TO BE WITH YOU!!! Then I want to fall asleep with you and wake up tomorrow and read the paper with you and have coffee with you.

ALL CAPS!!! Betazos is in luurrrv. Aw such a romantic. It’s like he just now discovered how to write 8th grade love notes. This guy should be sexting about jamming his drone into her inbox; instead he’s fantasizing about building a life of domestic tranquility with her. What a goober!

Leave it to a soul-born beta like Bezos to fall in love with a botoxed has-been. How many years and billions had to accumulate before women started reciprocating his ardor and making him feel like a human man?

I love everything about you. I love that your last pic takes me completely out of my head. I am crazy about you. All of you. I need to smell and touch you. I want to hold you. I know you’re right for me. I know we fit.

I like it when you’re strong, and I like it when you’re vulnerable. Everything. The only thing I don’t like is not being with you. All of this is just straight from my heart. I love everything about you.

Bezos is really in love with his wallstress. It’s not the illicit sex that breaks his wife’s heart, it’s his emotional betrayal. Women can handle a cheating husband if it’s purely physical, but they can’t handle the loss of a husband’s love.

Cooing sweet nothings are ok if the man says them, in bed, after he’s fucked the cunt out of his girl. But not in text messages. Bezos failed the Jumbotron Test:

Every text or email or recordable instance of conversation you have with a girl must follow this simple rule:

If it were given a public airing, let’s say on a blog or a sports stadium jumbotron, you should feel comfortable with what you have written for the world to see.  You should not feel an urge to wince, because it will be clear to everyone reading it how alpha you are.  If the thought of someone other than you and your girl reading your permanently archived romantic exchanges makes you cringe with embarrassment, then you are doing something wrong that will eventually lead to your girl dumping you.

Jumbotron FAIL.

After gaymullato’s kiss attempt is denied by the first stringer, check out his awkward finger tapping on her shoulder. I bet those two stopped having sex after the kids were born. The sexlessness causality runs both ways: he’s a closet case, and she’s repulsed by his unmanliness.

Now Betazos can join gaymullato in the Jumbotron FAIL Hall of Shame.

You LOSE, Jeff. No prime for you!

The racy messages — which reportedly included a snapshot of Bezos’ junk

Complete with user reviews.

***

Reader comments:

Heather,

Perhaps the attraction came from the excitement of something forbidden, since she was the wife of a friend? Otherwise, I don’t get it.

I wonder how Sanchez’s husband feels about being cucked by the richest nerdlet in the world? Maybe not so bad, since Sanchez is well past the age of spawning any bastards.

Neither Bezos’ wife nor his mistress is worth a free drink, let alone 70 billion. That said, I’d give the nod to the mistress. She’s about a point higher on the 1-10 scale. That’s good enough for Betazos to fall head over heels!

From Paper Shuffler,

Imagine being the wealthiest man in the world and getting romantic feelings for some middle-aged goblina…
BAP was right… the elites really aren’t anything special are they…

Nope, and they HATE HATE HATE that we’re pulling the curtain back on their laughable pretensions.

Mob Barley,

The richest guy in the world
Went for a 49 year old chick

So little competition out there

It’s never been a better time to have freedom, testosterone, and Game.

Ripp,

his friend’s wife. pathetic weasel.

Yep, and P.K. Griswold explains why a weasel like Bezos did what he did:

This is exactly what I’m getting at, bros. Bezos reeks of OPTIONLESS BETA..

This guy’s got more money than god, but when he looks to cash in his newly acquired SMV chips, he buys the first thing that appears—his friend’s wall-impacted, mud blooded, tranny-ringer wife! (With whom they probably have dinner once a month.)

Why? Because she already knows him; he doesn’t have to cold open this brawd.

This is truly pathetic. Bezos may be a successful man, influential, wealthy beyond compare. But when it comes to front-holes, he’s a thoroughly blue pill, pedestal polishing, shaking-in-his-boots beta. Full stop.

Sometimes I wish I was a woman because it’s ten times easier to fleece a thirsty goon’s empire than it is to build your own.

All the money in the world can’t save a game-less, charmless, needy betaboy supplicant from dating “up” to a middle-aged trap show.

Smart women know this, and like PK wrote it’s ten, no ten million, times easier for a woman to fleece a beta billionaire than it is to build her own wealth. The ease of this is precisely why these women fuck and fall in love with much less wealthy but sexyasfuck challenging jerkboys on the side.

From PBR Streetgang,

Paid $69,999,999,980 more than the going rate.

He’ll probably wind up stalking her after she leaves him for a retired football player.

From California Caucasian,

I’ve managed to score more Grade A just owning a house. Filled the kitchen of said house with shiny pots and pans, can make a killer omelette… the ass flows. Being able to nominally cook anything = panty drop…

How can a rich rich oligarch do so poorly? I’m just a poor fuck who won’t buy drinks, but I’ll make you a cocktail at home…

guest replies,

Thank you my boomer.

Broke: Skittles man

Woke: Boomer omelette man

Bespoke: Sending most of the population of California to New Auschwitz

Corinth Arkadin,

LOL LOVE LETTERS

I wrote poems to my women:

Roses are Red/Violets are Blue/I Wanna Eff You/Every Which Way/Including The Butt

newlyaloof close this post out,

Amazon meet MAGAzon.

One more shiv…

***

Thought: maybe Bezos is an open borders globohomo fanatic because he thinks the millions streaming in from south of the border are all Lauren Sanchezes like his loverlady?

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