This post is also available in: German
You’ve got a limbically lubed girl on your sofa. It’s late, the tension is thick (your pants pleats have flattened out). Whoa, tiger! You should know that LMR (last minute resistance) is coming. Are you prepared? Reader Mason shares a very typical anecdote illustrating the precarious tightrope that men must walk between beta orbiter and alpha orificer.
Dear Heartiste Proprietors,
Please allow me to share a wonderful story of how I SO BADLY fucked up and found your blog, which led me to erase the traces of betadom that disrupted and ruined an obviously good opportunity.
I met a cute brunette with blue eyes at an event and she talked about being “stressed about her long-distance relationship with her boyfriend”.
FYI girls don’t bring up problems with their relationships like this unless they are already one labia flap into the idea of cheating.
We hit it off and I asked her to drop me home.
I invited her to come up. She giggled.
The giggle is the loin wriggle vocalized.
I have an apartment by the pool. She stood on my balcony and started talking about her problems, how she had anxiety disorder. I did some light kino by touching her feet (she had a weird foot band on) and putting her hands in my palms.
She then came into my living room and sat down on my close sofa. And said hug me.
Don’t be so quick to hug a woman who solicits it. That’s a mild compliance test to see if you’d fit comfortably into the emotional tampon role instead of the sex god role. I’d have teased her, “hmmm, I dunno if you’re ready….my hugs are potent.” The idea is to get her begging for your hug, and in the mental space where she feels like she’s chasing you.
I did BUT immediately leaned in for a kiss like a moron. She backed off and said “I have a boyfriend”.
That was predictable. What she flung out was classic beta bait. Specifically, she tried a version of the “fishing for flattery” ploy. She’s “anxious” and “stressed” and wants reassurances from you that nothing that has happened — or will happen — is her fault.
Now here’s where I really fucked things up. I’m usually immaculately articulate but I just spaced out and sat back in my seat for an awkward 5 minutes. Her boyfriend messaged her and I told her not to take the text and she agreed. Now, despite my awkward silence for another 10 minutes she didn’t leave and stayed plopped on my sofa with heavy breathing and even said “look at my hair, it’s multi-colored”, asking me to run through it.
You were getting hardcore signals to proceed carrying her to dizzying heights of ecstasy and to ignore whatever empty protests to the contrary she may have thought necessary to squeak out to make herself feel less like a slut. Her “I have a boyfriend” feint was the verbal equivalent of the gif above. “I don’t know how I wound up in his bed, I swear I told him I have a boyfriend!”
She wants to feel desired again; obviously BF is not giving her that. But she won’t just “cheat”, so she’ll structure her seduction in a way that absolves her of responsibility for her hoped-for surrender to you.
I found your blog, Heartiste, and read through a hundred posts. I feel like an idiot because I thought that my typical dominant, aloof personality wouldn’t work on the “sweet, shy, innocent” girls.
Liddl’ betaboys with limited dating experience are often the ones to dishonestly and self-servingly assert that Game only helps men pick up bar skanks, but that is not true, unless they want to stipulate that skanks and non-skanks are essentially different sexes who respond to different male mate value cues. In fact, the girls that fall the hardest for jerkboy charm are the tingle-deprived “sweet” girls who otherwise languish in niceguyland where jerkboy charm is notably absent.
I should have laughed off her silly first kiss rejection shit test and tried again. I should have negged her. She asked me to twirl her fucking hair. I should have escalated kino gradually, asking her to sit on my lap, then kissed her neck, and then kissed her, and then pulled away feigning disinterest. Your stuff is ALL on point.
There’s no way a girl would act this way in the hopes of gaining a “friend” or a beta orbiter, right?
There’s only one way to find out. Force the issue. Make your intentions known, and if she’s insincere she drop her bluff and forget all about her boyfriend.
I mean, the fact that she came up to my room at 11:30pm and stayed for 2 hours alone makes me feel that this was an opportunity beyond obvious and I blew it.
Yes. Or she’s a psychocunt who wanted to torture you with the scent of her lush womanhood and slap your probing lips away when you made a go at it. A (thankfully) tiny minority of women amuse themselves by tempting and rejecting betas in an endless cycle of quasi-dominatrix humiliation.
Nothing lights the fire in your loins (heh) like a rough encounter with reality. Unlike the larpers here I’m not going to pretend I’m a total alpha or anything like it. I’m a young 20s guy with alpha and beta traits and I’ll have to weed out the latter.
This describes most men.
Laugh at me and feel free to share the story with your readers, but goddamnit, I owe you a debt of gratitude for waking me the hell up.
I won’t laugh at you. The mistake you made wasn’t unique to you; many such cases!
- “I have a boyfriend” is an anti-slut defense if uttered within intimate contexts. If you hear it, relax. It means she’s looking for an excuse to continue being with you. You should have replies at the ready. My favorites are “I don’t care” and “right“. Better yet, ignore her and plow when she drops that line. Don’t give it the dignity of a direct response. Change the topic or shrug your shoulders or get yourself a beer from the fridge.
- Always Be Escalating. If she murmurs to you to stop, don’t. Physically escalate as long as she’s giving in to it, and don’t quit unless she’s walking out your door in a hurry. Sure, offer token (and temporary) signals of compliance to her rebuffs, but don’t get down on yourself, don’t sulk, and don’t think this means you have to keep your hands to yourself the rest of the night. If she’s in your bedroom for two hours in the middle of the night, her last minute resistance (LMR) is a perfunctory obstacle she tosses in your way which she fully expects (and hopes) you will hurdle.
- Push-Pull is the spice of seduction. If she asks you to run your fingers through her multicolored hair, tease her about it. “I dunno, it looks kinda greasy.” That’s the push. Pull her back by reaching over to gently cradle the back of her neck with your hand, while saying “See, I was right”. Frame everything she says and does as an advance ON YOU; this way you can “reject” her advances, which is a huge turn-on for women. No woman can resist the curiosity incited in them by a man who isn’t slavishly throwing himself at their taunting sex.
- Remember the Takeaway and the Freeze-out. If she’s insistently coy and bantering way more than she’s perforating, it’s time to flip the script. Her: “I have a boyfriend.” You: “You’d better not stay here any longer, or you might start getting the wrong idea about me.” Or: “Oh, don’t get ahead of yourself, I don’t see you that way. We hardly know each other.” The Freeze-out is even more powerful. That’s a tactic where you simply get up off the sofa and make yourself a sandwich if she objects to your roving mitts. The key is to be utterly unmoved by her objections, as if you expected it and know she’ll eventually come around (or outlive your patience).
Finally, if you want to experiment with nuclear psy ops that can close the deal (or blow them out) a lot faster than is typical for women, try this bedroom finishing move when a girl agrees to come to your place: tell her she can’t go in your bedroom. When she asks why not, you have a rule that a girl has to be naked before going in there. A surprising number of girls will agree to this rule, and an idealistic young beta’s heart will have suffered another jolt of arrhythmic cynicism.
The bang threshold is similar to the nuptial threshold, except in the former you aren’t legally bound to one pussy for life, don’t have to worry about your savings and imputed income being transferred to fund a new boyfriend, and carrying her over it is a lot easier at her pre-marital weight.