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Imagine yourself in this situation, however painfully.

This is a test of your Game. Ground rules:

  1. This is not a test of your ability to state the bleeding obvious or throw satisfying insults. That means refraining from leaving stupid comments like “I wouldn’t have been in that situation to begin with.” The purpose of this test is to demonstrate how you would skillfully rescue what seems like a hopelessly bad ending to a date.
  2. “I’d stay home and fap to my pornhub waifu princess” is not an acceptable response.
  3. Cut Your Losses isn’t an example of Game. It’s an example of cutting your losses, which is a perfectly reasonable suggestion for the no-Game-having beta prone to self-embarrassment spirals, but by no means anything resembling “Game” in its colloquial sense.

No doubt any man having a passing familiarity with the charisma arts would know better than to save the kiss for the last possible moment, when he’s standing at the door to her place ostensibly to drop her off and thank her for yet another sexless evening added to his string of sexless evenings. It’s never a good idea to put that kind of expectational pressure on girls; all that does is create awkwardness and deflate the air of mystery which girls love about men. It’s like charmlessly hitting on a woman in an elevator…if she does’t feel like she has an escape hatch and that you’ve only screwed up the courage to ask her out because she’s cornered with nowhere to go and no cockblock to summon if you’re a dud, she’s gonna physically and emotionally turtle. And then write a bitter tumblrhea post about the experience.

(FYI the proper way to do an elevator pickup is to open with “damn, looks like I only have 63 floors to flirt with you. Don’t get too excited, I need fifty floors to think about it”. In other words, make light of the perception that elevators are breeding grounds for sexy pickups.)

Game 101: kino escalation is your night-long companion, not a hurried afterthought at the end of the night. You make your move for the kiss close during an emotional high, as the date is steaming up, not after all the energy has dissipated and she just wants to go to her apartment and pig out on PozTV.

So we all know the doofus in this video clip fucked up the kiss close timing. We also know he made his fuck-up worse by leaning way in and for far too long trying to steal a smooch, only to be left with his puckered lips smacking empty air like Pepe Le Pew after his chat amour squeezed out of his grasp. To get not one cheek, but two cheeks as he futilely tongue bathes the infinite space between his craning mouth and her obviously practiced dodge and weave raises this scene from a tale of beta woe to a Jumbotronic piece of performance art.

That’s where you the reader come in. You’re this man. What’s done is done. Now tell us your next step.

What do you do?

Sometimes the most impressive Game is the Game you spit when the odds are nowhere near your favor.

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