I love writing about the strangeness I encounter in the dating trenches. Universal principles of female nature are more fun to continually rediscover when they’re embroidered with quirks and hiding under free-bushing skirts.
However, I’ve had to curtail recounting these exploits in a public forum as increasing numbers of Chateau guests have emailed to say they’ve recommended the blog to their sons, and sometimes daughters. When I hear about this in the middle of contemplating another launch of raunch, a feeling comes over me……one I can’t quite describe…..it’s so alien to me…..guilt, yes that’s it. Guilt, mixed with embarrassment. Apparently, I think of the children more than Hillary Clinton’s Cunt Corp does.
But I can’t resist this tale of the tail. So to any parents reading, please usher your children to their radiator shackles.
I girl I dated had a perfumed asshole. She was half-Asian (not the same Asian chick as the one featured in this post). I caught a whiff when she straddled me 69 style to suck me off. Her ass bobbed closer and closer to my nose, and the scent of jasmine (assmine?) wafted pleasantly across my face. Sweetest smelling mini-vag I ever sniffed.
For Lucifer knows what reason, I never bothered to ask why her asshole smelled like perfume. Best explanation I can give is that when I’m in the bone zone I let fleeting and amusing thoughts escape transmission to my tongue, so while I may think it, I never get around to vocalizing it. If it’s a particularly unusual assfectation, it can feel awkward to bring it up. So I enjoy the sensation and the farcical quality of the moment and leave it at that.
Recapping, I wonder now what that hapa’s perfumed asshore meant. I come up with five possibilities.
- it’s an inscrutable oriental thing
- her asshole was either congenitally very smelly, or she adhered to a higher standard for asshole freshness, and perfuming it helped her live with herself
- it was an olfactory invitation to me alone to rectally ravage her (rim jobs are out of the question, jeez people, i’m not a savage)
- she was a serial sphincter spritzer, and the jasmine aroma was the equivalent of a sexual history report card. straight As in anal play
- she had just had a spicy dog stew
If you have a memorable time with a woman who perfumes her asshole, you’ll think “that’s brisk baby!” and have an immediate compulsion to come to the Chateau to share your glory. We’ll be here with the lights on. Because proctology dies in darkness.
Maybe she just ass gargled Sphincterine?
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Your post deserves a poll
I vote #2
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I vote #5.
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She obviously had lotion on her body. Women put lotion on their buttcheeks too. Sheesh.
[CH: only her asshole smelt of jasmine. literally her asshole. not her buttcheeks. you think i wouldn’t notice if the rest of her body smelled of jasmine? come on.]
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Scheiße.
This destroys my perfumed TP theory..
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being face up to some chink’s arse….not for me
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Sorry. No field report from me on the topic, but I would guess it was a combination of 3 and 4.
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She likes her pussy licked and is afraid of being accused of ass smell. A lot of women are deathly afraid of having a stinky pussy. She sounds good in the sack actually.
[CH: yes this would loosely fall under explanation #2.]
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Doesn’t make sense… she would have perfumed her pussy in that case instead.
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No, clean pussies don’t smell and ass smell will move my face fast. The whole AO needs to be squeaky clean.
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Perfume is supposed to smell good, not taste good. If I were to go down on a lady who perfumed her bits, I’d definitely appreciate her putting the stuff on areas that she doesn’t expect my tongue to touch.
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[…] Perfumed Asshore […]
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>(rim jobs are out of the question, jeez people, i’m not a savage)
Different strokes. I don’t know how a man can see an impressive ass and not feel the urge to dive in face-first.
[CH: funny i can resist that urge very easily. i dunno, sticking my tongue in ass doesn’t sound appealing, no matter how hot the ass vessel or perfumed the exit chute.]
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Do you know where that ass has been? Yick!
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gay
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Bet he loved it
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i hate it when that happens.
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pretty sure CH has talked on here about rimming bishes assholes b4
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Can’t remember how much whiskey has passed under the bridge since, but anal used to be a very popular topic with our host(s).
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Wolfowitz loves anal
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I dated a dancer that perfumed her crotch each time before we hung out. Like CH, I thought it was strange, but never said anything and just wrote it off as her wanting to go the extra mile to impress.
Now that I look back on it… I wouldn’t mind running into something like that again. Dancers man… phew.
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I did a double take at the pan-Asian pronunciation of asshole…lolzlolzlolz
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I didn’t read it that way… it’s blatantly obvious to me that she is an ass-whore.
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I’d wager the double entendre was intentional.
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I was just about to comment on this. I thought of it the way vfm did, but CH is always on point with the double, triple entendres.
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LOL Can’t see why one would give a shit but it seems like some shit a stripper would do out of habit
Anyrate I ain’t there to eat her jizz trap
The bitch is there to suck my cock so this won’t likely occur
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Obviously she loved you
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awwww
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If she’s half Japanese, they are assiduous regarding hygiene and their bathroom appliances are legendary in this regard. TOTO makes some very high tech toilet/bidets that probably have a jasmine setting. Likely wintergreen as well.
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I understand the gals nowadays are even going so far as to bleach them dark starfishes.
( * ) smell this
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It was jasmine bleach.
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Scented disposable wipes, designed to provide a more robust and refreshing clean-up operation in the arsehole than that of conventional TP, are becoming popular for women. So it could be that, but given the Asian component, I’d lean towards some sort of special posterior perfuming ploy.
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Yup, there are some surprising bathroom clean-up products available.
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If any ladies are reading, do not flush any wipe – even the ones claimed to be biodegradable. They are nasty, and when combined with low flow toilets, result in repeat sewer backups.
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Low flow toilets were probably invented by plumbers to drum up business.
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She sounds like a charming girl and probably has a good diet, but perfume aficionados have an explanation:
“Pure indole, the one which is indeed present in feces and also in small part present in white flowers (such as jasmine, gardenia, tuberose and orange blossom; but also in honeysuckle and lilac, technically non white) doesn’t really smell of poop in isolation.”
http://perfumeshrine.blogspot.com/2010/05/jasmine-indolic-vs-non-indolic.html
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Ah, you’re ALL missing the most obvious explanation, H-Bomb included!
She was issuing a “call of the wild” (the way liberals say Repubcucks have a “dog-whistle” to signal raciss thoughts) to actual animals. In other words, SHE WAS SUMMONING SKUNKS, RACCOONS AND POSSUMS to near her nether region.
Once arrived there, she would skip hand-in-paw into the sunset, knowing a Care Bear world was awaiting them all. The glories of the Woman-Mind!
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Are Butt Breath Mints a thing?
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i’m sure they have scented suppositories nowadays
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I’m more amazed at the physical dexterity to perfume said asshole, to only get the asshole. Or did she use a q-tip?
Wait. . . I don’t wanna know.
Was she a petite half-Asian?
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“Was she a petite half-Asian?”
That’s specific.
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probably one
my wife drank something to change the pussy smell I didn’t like it
but maybe she wanted that asshole licked not necessarily toungue inserted
which yea in heat of passion shit I’ve licked every part of the wife
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and put the dix in every crease
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back of knee yea I got that rofl
elbow hell yea
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For some reason this reminds me of the Deathlands series of post-Apocalyptic novels. I picture Gunslinger pokin’ his hard-on into the sentient hair of the mutant girlfriend of Ryan Cawdor as it writhes around. Never mind. You had to be there. (Good series, BTW. Pilgrimage to Hell!!)
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Published by Gold Eagle, the ‘adventure’ division of Harlequin books.
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Girls are very prone to herd behavior. Don’t be surprised if they’re talking each other into this sort of thing.
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Greg makes a good point here. Can you imagine a girl putting on her Facebook page, “4 Chix Ass Tips” and getting a thousand likes — not just from beta orbiters but other girls? Next week: How to trim your femme pube wilds into shrub-like animals a la Stephen King’s The Shining.
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In other news, McMasters needs to go: http://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/an-nsc-staffer-is-forced-out-over-a-controversial-memo/ar-AApjGF9?li=BBmkt5R
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My wife shared a hotel room with a colleague who was very particular about this sort of thing. She would drop a special kind of perfume into the toilet water after flushing, and wanted the other girls in the room to do it too.
In this case, it wasn’t an erotic thing.
For what it’s worth, my wife’s colleague was from Columbia.
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interesting. good for her. there’s nothing wrong with having some modesty and ladlylike manners. a lot of women could learn something from her.
too many girls don’t even care enough to not fart around you or stink up your bathroom.
some will even leave the bathroom door wide open while they use the toilet or do their business with you in the bathroom with them.
i’ve even seen stupid memes about how farting peeing and pooping around each other is a sign of closeness and real love.
that’s a crock of shiz. you don’t need to be gross to have real love. that’s just another excuse for girls to be lazy and justify not doing any work at all to be feminine and dignified.
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poo pourri perchance?
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I love you CH but this is way TMI.
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no blackpilling. we’re making America great again, one hapa fudge tunnel at a time.
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Ah, I still recall fondly Plumpjack’s other comment — my favorite one of all time — about rebooting North American civ from the ground up and starting something NEW in its place. Great comments from him (you, P.J.).
I guess this one will have to do with a B+ grade. Out to play in the sunlight, cracking baseballs into the sky from your bat! And don’t come back in until dark, young man!
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Someone is not happy
(((SPLC))) Facebook Page:
“The #RAISEAct reflects the shameful agenda of nativists and white nationalists who fear the growing diversity of our country.
We’re not surprised that this bill has gained the support of President Trump, who has welcomed allies of the white nationalist movement into his administration, issued a Muslim ban, and called Mexican immigrants rapists and killers”
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The shrieking of vampires at the touch of sunlight — always appreciated.
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+1 for a hygienic girl. Hell, +2. Smells should be kept to a minimum outside of “being in heat”: huwhyte women have milder vag & body scent. I’m not interested in eating ass nor getting E. Coli so w/e. (((Never Forgetz))) lolllzzz, U DA PRIZEEEE.
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CH – where do you meet women these days? I’m pushing 40 myself. You ever plan to settle down?
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Day game for the win
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You’re in DC too. Bad hunting grounds. 6.5 is average for young women there. It has become a liberal sewer.
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someone may say this is OT but I disagree
it is as much about (((asshole))) as it gets
(((Lisa Bloom))) wants all your shekels to go to the little shitty state
how dare you goyim to protect your right with your shekels
unthinkable
Yeah. How dare human rights extend to all races. Obviously, only the races I like should have them. pic.twitter.com/PSIgPsqMN2
— Honkimus Maximus🎷🍆 (@Maximus_Honkmus) August 2, 2017
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jews are a problem
Absolutely earth-shattering you tedious fuck.
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caricature of a jew is here again
you do not even deserve your oven little faggot
so inconsequential you are
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The only thing tedious here is you.
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That about sums it all up right there.
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Humiliate her and then hang her.
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kill it with fire!!!
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A Jew saying to white people, “WE” are the problem…..wouldn’t think she would be so open about it.
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“A Jew saying to white people, “WE” are the problem…..wouldn’t think she would be so open about it.”
Whatever… Tim Wise does it all the time.
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It was sarcasm VFM; I was claiming that she was saying that “We….the Jews….are the biggest racial problem”.
I was saying she was making a Freudian slip there.
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Alabama shitlord fucks with some sand-na66ers.
http://www.foxnews.com/food-drink/2017/08/02/muslim-family-says-mcdonalds-employees-deliberately-hid-bacon-in-mcchicken-sandwiches.html
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2 and 3.
I love tongue-fucking hot chicks in the ass, but against my better judgment, only busted that move on one Asian, and its the only time I smelled shit while busing the move. Never again.
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If it smells like fish, eat all you wish. If it smells like cologne, leave it the fuck alone
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[…] Source: Heartiste […]
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It is a scientific fact that all sense modalities become altered for a guy when he is with a newish female. Especially plus booxe. IOWs. You may have been hallucinating. In the best possible sense.
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Or maybe CH was seeing into the future … a long, brown, DARK tunnel, opening up loop-like into the Intestines of Greatness.
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This AI troll is funny
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Cue the GBFM for this thread, lol! We need more light in here, lolzlz.
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What kind of hapa was she? If she was half Japanese she might have been eating “etiquette candy” popular nowadays in Japan which contains high concentrations of flower oils and scent molecules. It’s supposed to help with bad breath and body odor but I wouldn’t be surprised if it extended to the other end of the digestive tract.
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Your subtle teases over the years that you live in DC only intensify my sadness we have yet to meet over beer, cnn, and yoga chicks.
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You mean you didn’t fire your proton torpedoes into the thermal exhaust port of the Dirt Star? Use the force CH!
[CH: i kinda got turned off to anal when i spread the ass cheeks of an otherwise hairless girl and found a thatch of dark hair lining the entirety of her crack, vaj to taint and beyond.]
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Understandable!
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Yuck.
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Speaking of whores; back in the day (like a decade ago) it used to be that female cheaters were thought to be about a 1/3rd of their population.
Now it’s over half.
http://abcnews.go.com/2020/story?id=124040&page=1
With the psychologist saying “no” woman is adultery proof.
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I’m going with number 5.
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Based on real life experience – some are too smelly; some have no smell and some are just right. It’s like in the old fable/childrens’ story. With apologies to Robert Southey (Goldilocks And The Three Bears).
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[…] Source link […]
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