The female shit test is a subconscious mate assessment algorithm to determine which men are worth a woman’s untethered sexuality. There isn’t an equivalent intrinsic* male version because men assess women’s mate value with a split second glance at her face and body and yoga pant-delineated camel toe. For men, verbal tests of a woman’s grace under pressure aren’t necessary to filter YOLO chicks from HELLNO chicks. Women DO need limbic access to shit tests, though, because they evaluate men’s SMV using a holistic mental template of their ideal man that includes social status, dominance, confidence, looks, resource acquisition potential, and perhaps most importantly, personality, and most of these beguiling male traits aren’t easily discernible by women in a few seconds’ of social interaction.
*There is an extrinsically acquired male shit test, which could collectively be called “Game” as its purpose is to challenge a woman to “show what else she’s got besides her looks”.
Female shit tests generally fall into three categories: The dominance shit test for male toughness, the compliance shit test for male dignity, and the reproductive fitness shit test for male charisma.
Examples of the three types of female shit tests:
Dominance Test
“You’re not in my league.”
Compliance Test
“Buy me a drink.”
Fitness Test
“I bet you’re a player.”
All these shit tests routinely nuke beta males’ chances with women, because inexperienced or self-doubting men either don’t know how to answer them effectively, or they don’t have the bantz balls to give women the rhetorical jackhammering the fairer sex so strongly and secretly desires as prologue to clamping log.
Related to the topic of this post, a reader (Ron B) had a Game question about how to reply to a girl who unloaded a shit test on him in text. (Regrettably, I was not immediately available to help this man, because I would have given him the good advice he needed but failed to execute).
Text from girl (who was competing in a tournament this weekend):
“So you’re not gonna ask me how I did?”
This is an obvious shit test, but I’m struggling with the reply. Any ideas?
This is a Compliance Shit Test with an element of Fitness Shit Testing thrown in for extra credit. Girls don’t shit test in this way unless they already like the man and need additional reassurance that he’s worth pursuing. There’s a hint of insecurity in the shit test, but don’t be fooled; you still need to nuke it from orbit. Female displays of insecurity are often traps to lure less savvy men into supplicating postures of tingle-killing courtliness.
CH Maxim #46: A good Rule of Manhood is that for every three Blurts of Insecurity from a girl, one is sincere. Call it the 2/3rds Female Affectation Ratio.
Ron B correctly identified the DIK ASSESSMENT PAIN BOX he was about to stumble into, but unfortunately the reply he chose was the weaker of his many options.
Her:
So you’re not gonna ask how I did?
Me:
huh?
Her:
In the competition 😂
Me:
Oh yeah how’d that go?
Her:
Pretty well the whole team got 2nd in the nation overall
Me:
2nd in the nation, 1st in my heart. GO [team name]!
Her:
Wow didn’t realize you were so enthusiastic about figure skatingNow what?
If “huh?” was my reply, I wouldn’t have used the question mark. Just “huh”. It’s more ambiguous and less apt to make the girl wonder if I’m a dolt. (Really bitchy BPD chicks will respond to “huh?” with some nasty “r u playing dumb?” remark, so be prepared ahead of time for that possibility.) The insufficiency of “huh?” is evident in the text path that Ron forced himself to follow afterwards, when he wound up complying with her shit test anyhow. Personally, I would have sent her a trophy emoji, in the fashion of Birthday Cat, which has the power to lead to all sorts of fruitful convo threads that heighten sexual tension rather than release it. You could even play it off like you were thinking of some entirely different competition than the one she actually participated in: “Wait, we aren’t talking about winning a pole dancing event?”.
Ron B continues,
“Huh?” might be the better option.
But what about: “It’s nice when a girl texts first once in a while :)” Reframes the convo to my frame, makes her look the chaser.
Or do you think that sounds too beta?
BETA. Don’t do it. Step back from the pussyhat ledge. When a girl gets that line, she’ll think, “I guess he has to text girls first all the time. LA-HOOZER.” Better: “Someone needs attention. Sigh, my burden is never light.”
Commenter hans has a really good reply for Ron B:
“You better be a winner, girl!”
Though I may not be the best advisor right now.
I´m in an utter “take no shit” mood lately, especially towards wymminz.
Don’t worry, hans. Chicks dig men who take no shit, utterly. I like this reply because it works on a deeper, almost NLP-ish subliminal level. The girl hears two meanings: did she win her competition, and is she a winnergirl who can keep the interest of this stones bold man?
Back to Ron B, who gives us the full text exchange,
Her:
So you’re not gonna ask how I did?
Me:
huh?
Her:
In the competition 😂
Me:
Oh yeah how’d that go?
Her:
Pretty well the whole team got 2nd in the nation overall
Me:
2nd in the nation, 1st in my heart. GO HENS!
Her:
Wow didn’t realize you were so enthusiastic about figure skating
Me:
Are you back at [our mutual college] yet?
Her:
No I get back tomorrow at like 7pm
Me:
Oh so you can see me Tuesday night
Her:
Maybe 😏 I’ll think about it
Me:
Don’t think too muchOk, so, do I wait for her to reach out to me Tuesday? Or will I reinitiate?
Thanks everyone, for the advice. t. college game newbie
The girl’s sarcastic “didn’t realize you were so enthusiastic about figure skating” is of course another shit test, of the Fitness Probing variety. One tried-and-true counter-maneuver to the shit test is to Ignore&Plow, which Ron B did here. We’ll have to see if it was effective because the girl still feels it necessary to leave the impression she’s mulling her options/dragging her feet (“maybe..i’ll think about it”). Again, while Ignore&Plow works more often than not, it’s almost always better to banter with the heartlight of a thousand ZFG red giant balls and remind the girl that she’s in the company of a charming mofo. So, for instance, I would have replied to that figure skating quip with an equally sarcastic retort like, “Love it. A perfectly executed Triple Sow Cow brings me to tears. I’m having a hot flash just thinking about it.”
All of which brings us to the meat n’ Bartholin’s of this post: commenter Vanamee’s excellent crib sheet of all-purpose shit test replies which he/she took the time to compile from the CH Tomes of Infinite Knowledge of Love and Women, and from contributing commenters.
Catch-all replies compiled from rosy, capitan ragedy, mr hearts, the peanut gallery et moi
– Nah
– I don’t care
– It’s complicated
– No, I don’t want to get you pregnant
– Look at you, Nancy Drew
– Tell me more
– Don’t flatter yourself
– What’s it to you?
– Says you
– This and that
– Here and there
– It’s a long story
– Oh geez. Here we go again
– Damn straight
– Ghey
– Lame
– Talk a big game. Rarely as good as advertised
– Tough
– Too bad.
– Tell me I’m wrong
– Little spoons don’t ask big questions [ed: or, “…don’t make the rules”]
– I know
– Thanks
– Naturally
– Sure you/we can
– Askn for itthe less logical or linear the reply, the better
Succinctly put. I’d add a few more nonlinear slicked quim-shivs to that list:
- Birthday Cat emoji
- I’m a stone cold killer who loves to spoon
- bring da movies
- who bitch this is? (choose your timing wisely)
- low energy
- #FakeHate (use this on sassy girls giving you over-the-top grief)
- Swayback emoji
- E for effort
And from the all-time number one most-read post at the Chateau:
- tits or gtfo
Happy hunting, and don’t forget to practice Safe Seduction (out of her parents’ sight).
What about the banging dishes shit test?
LikeLike
Trip to bar and shoot pool until 2am….
LikeLiked by 1 person
You CH readers think that leftoids are really virtue signaling? If so why they put genuine interest in get cucked when no one really knows or sees if they vote or how much they recycle?
Keep non-mechanistic theories for you
[CH: virtue signaling for social status points and voting shitlibs into office aren’t mutually exclusive compulsions. ps let’s keep comments on topic, thanku.]
LikeLike
Can I meet girls on public transportation?
How proceed after first approach?
How to properly end the first approach?
[CH: Yes. The same. End it first.]
LikeLike
“How to properly end the first approach?”
Gotta go for broke. These are “once-in-a-lifetime” opportunities. If you don’t get some contact info immediately [phone number, email address, place of study/employment, whatever], then you will NEVER see her again.
So up the aggression. Not much time for small talk. Close quickly by getting some contact info.
And in this day & age, you absolutely cannot come off as “Creepy” in any way shape matter or form. Her Hamster mustn’t sniff even the slightest hint of apprehension or anxiety or hesitation or nervousness on your part.
Get your hands out of your pockets. Hold your head high. Big breaths with your diaphragm [not your shoulders]. Deepen your voice, slow down your cadence.
And go for it.
PS: With the iPhag-induced destruction of the female attention span, many Playaz now think that it’s imperative to achieve Same Day Bang [SDB] – immediately take her somewhere that you can order adult beverages, and then try to move her to a bed or a cot or a couch or a blanket or anywhere that you can do it that very afternoon.
LikeLike
PPS: Batting .300 gets you in the Hall of Fame.
So striking out .700 of the time is nothing to cry about.
Grow a thick skin, and an even thicker sense of ZFG.
It’s her loss, not yours. YOU. ARE. THE. PRIZE. Not she. You.
LikeLiked by 1 person
[…] A Crib Sheet Of All-Purpose Shit Test Replies […]
LikeLike
SHE: “blah blah blah Skating Tournament blah blah blah”
YOU: “Were there any hawt chicks there? Did you get their numbers for me?”
LikeLiked by 2 people
me: bring da movies
thot: …what?
me: n/m I meant to text that to somebody else
bdm>
LikeLike
“…me: n/m I meant to text that to somebody else…”
too long.
“.. oops. wrong susie..”
more like it.
LikeLike
“. . oops. wrong Susie. .”
Right Susie–wrong side . . .
LikeLike
lol
LikeLike
the second explanatory text is gay
LikeLike
n00b please
I invented emotional abuse
LikeLike
“I invented emotional abuse”
you probably thought your freshman roomie invented scissoring
LikeLike
cause that’s how fags abuse each other. emotinally
LikeLike
I’m not giving advice, but just letting you fellas know. My husband and I both read this blog. I KNOW what birthday cat is all about. And I still crack up whenever he sends me birthday cat. It cannot fail with those ignorant of its origin.
LikeLike
How does he handle your banging-dishes shit test?
LikeLike
I’m afraid I don’t know what that one is?
LikeLike
Yeah right. All women do it.
LikeLiked by 1 person
vbnm,.
LikeLike
I gotta try “Look at you, Nancy Drew” one of these days.
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s one of the few that were my own. Good for when the girl is being nosy or you want to play coy.
Another is “tell me more”, for when a girl says something utterly banal or uninteresting (and doesn’t merit at all “tell me more”), but you don’t want the convo to hang. They invariably take it for real and reply sincerely, albeit mildly confused. Repeat it verbatim ad nauseam for maximum amusement.
now im officially in teh book of hearts :’))
LikeLike
Do the younger chicks know who Nancy Drew was?
I barely know who Nancy Drew was.
I read one or two “Hardy Boys” but they were so ghey that they couldn’t hold my attention.
LikeLike
i don’t know ms drew.
LikeLike
there’s been films, games, some tv, so it’s generally still part of pop culture. kids born in the 80s were reading it. but yea, it could well be lost on the less
wittywell-readeveryday chicas. in which case go with the “ma that u? how come u got cindys phone” routineLikeLiked by 1 person
I’d say it’s known in the social consciousness to still be understood.
LikeLike
A few years ago some Jewish chick (a grad student) tried to regale me with an arch oral reading from Nancy Drew. She was twenty-five at the time.
But I wouldn’t describe her as witty or well-read
LikeLike
They made it a movie for tweens a few years ago. It starred Emma Roberts when she was, I think, sixteen.
I watched it with my eternally youthful wife. I get points for watching a silly chick flick with her, yet I get to spend an hour and a half ogling a tight teen in a plaid skirt.
LikeLike
My reply (since this is text) is that this is an opportunity to date-close.
Me: Did you win?
Her: No, second place
Me: Let’s go get you an ice cream, champ. No sprinkles.
(Then spin it into an actual date invitation after she playfully calls you an asshole. For example:)
Her: You’re such a jerk! lol
Me: Make it steak @ Bobby’s Haus of Chow, 7:30 tonight. Ice cream on the dessert menu…still no sprinkles for you.
LikeLike
This. Immediately puts it into a real-life encounter… I also use:
“let’s grab dinner…you can order anything off the kids menu”.
you can also add that to the ”
Her: you’re such a jerk
Me: and if you’re really good you can order anything off the kids menu…
In this case, since she was talking about a skating team I would have just replied with:
Her:
So you’re not gonna ask how I did?
Me: ha
Her: In the competition
Me: saw that, it’s gone viral: https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=7&v=XT9hCNcENug
Neg, tease, A&A…
LikeLike
There was a video of a pick up artist online and one girl he met asked him “do you just spend your time going up to girls to talk to” to be fair his reply was not a witty one and i think he was a bit surprised she said that to him. What would you say the best way to respond is?
[CH: “of course”]
LikeLiked by 1 person
Nice one!
LikeLike
But you gotta say “of course” in Bane’s voice.
LikeLiked by 1 person
The voice – its depth & sonorousness & cadence – is so very, very important.
We don’t talk enough about the voice.
Also breathing. Proper breathing when opening on a chick is every bit as important as proper breathing when e.g. trying to pass your rifle exam in USMC basic training.
Own your breathing.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Even Miyagi tells Daniel-san about the importance of breathing.
LikeLike
> “to be fair his reply was not a witty one”
There’s so much Game literature out there that any tard or sperg can get in three or four memorized lines and often score the ‘tang.
Improvising on the spot seems to be a much more rare ability.
ZFG is so very important here. Knowing who you are. Owning yourself. Getting your Inner Frame to the hallowed ground.
And my guess would be that the rise in pre-memorized fake-Game is training the Hamster to be more suspicious and better at sniffing out the fakery.
So Know Thyself. Own your Inner Frame. ZFG.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I guess that explains why I always get shot down when I ask a girl if girls think David Bowie is sexy.
Damn.
Have to think on my own now.
LikeLike
I have but one all purpose reply to any shit test….
C’mon you all know it…
Whorefinder: “TRUMP!” *grabs pussy*
Always keep you guessing rape!
LikeLiked by 1 person
The “always keep you guessing” is it’s own rape. It’s meta-rape.
LikeLike
I worked alongside a couple losers that would constantly bring up stuff nobody cared about. I used the term “that’s crazy” to great effect. Didn’t matter if they were happy,sad,bored, mad, etc.
LikeLike
“Step back from the pussyhat ledge.”
lol’d
the girl inadvertantly gives a good example of game that every guy should make one of his life credos: “let me think about it”.
those are some of the most powerful 5 words a guy could ever learn. even if you don’t say it aloud, simply taking a moment to reflect, instead jumping in like an eager fucking beaver (hunter) frees you up to think about what’s best for YOU.
if I saw guys with tattoos that said something like “let me think about it” I might actually think that a permanent ink stain on their skin had some merit.
LikeLiked by 1 person
If anyone is considering that: “let me think about it” is not exactly good skin art. Shorten to “I must think”, then get done in Latin: “Puto esse ego” as part of something larger
LikeLike
https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2017/apr/03/eu-tolerated-viktor-orban-hungarian-central-european-university
Finally. Someone must take a stand. We cannot tolerate Viktor Orban. He’s a racist, a misogynist, a fascist, a bastard blah blah blah
Read the comments in the article…
LikeLike
You can’t go wrong with the Chateau basics.
Your texts should be what you would text if you were being serviced by three hot chicks at that time.
LikeLike
8==D
LikeLike
Tiger Moms who train their 5 y/o sons that her emotional state depends on their school and extracurricular level-ups are creating the biggest shit-test-flunking sweatshop known to man.
Nothing nurtures inner game like being the bambino whose mamma mia praises every poop to the high heavens.
LikeLike
Most common shit test I hear from cute-level girls is “minor celebrity/rich guy totally wants me.”
LikeLike
“why?”
LikeLiked by 1 person
golf clap.
LikeLike
smh that “huh?” response trainwrecked exactly like i thought it would
you’re a noob ron b. if a guy like cortesar says wait 3 days to respond you should consider it instead of calling him autistic for suggesting it
a 30 minute response time + this shitstorm of a text exchange hands her all of the power you just had and makes you look like a thirsty beta boy w no options
now you’re sitting next to your phone waiting for her to decide between you and some other dude.
this was a softball, we failed this kid. thankfully a top quality post rose from the ashes
LikeLiked by 2 people
huh?
LikeLiked by 1 person
2nd in the nation, 1st in my heart. GO [team name]!
LikeLiked by 1 person
so guys trying out different tactics on a capricious female are the equivalent of first responders?
guess this shit is more serious than I thought. maybe he shoulda called 911.
LikeLike
“I have a boyfriend” (or casually mentions her boyfriend in the conversation)
Have the most innocent smile on your face and say “Why are you telling me this?” Like you legit wants to know why she is saying such things.
What do you think, admin? Readers?
LikeLiked by 1 person
When they say that there is literally no chance that 1. they are not lying or 2. they are in any way interested in dating you.
LikeLike
Agree and amplify: “Awesome! So does my (wife/girlfriend).”
LikeLike
In my single days my go to for “I have a bf” was “Cool. I’m great with boyfriends” and plow.
LikeLike
He missed a golden opportunity by being way too literal. A simple “Did you break anything?” would have sufficed.
LikeLike
Wow all that thinking and strategizing and advice-gathering really is necessary to attract some college chick? Sounds like a lot of work, not to mention reliance on ‘expert’ third-parties instead of oneself.
Whatever is being sold, I don’t need it that bad. Easier to let them come to me. No grinding and no gurus.
LikeLike
quiet down fag.
LikeLike
Hi gang, I was thinking it would be funny if we had a crazy ex gf post once in awhile where we could share and laugh. Any takers have some great exgf stories. I had a cuban gf once who crashed her car on the freeway to get sympathy from me. She was a real head case.
LikeLike
I’m not seeing how this guy made any real mistake.
The “1st in my heart” thing was a little cutesy, but still dismissive of whatever stupid contest she was talking about.
The next line is the mistake. I don’t like the particular way he asks about her plans. But, again, that’s not a game ended.
Bottom line: she wasnt I to this guy and was giving him one last chance. He didn’t realize the position he was in; and played an acceptable text game under normal circumstances.
His problem was simply not realizing how precarious his situation was. And failing to adapt accordingly.
LikeLike
Low energy.
Lolzozozoz 😂
LikeLike
CH: Ron’s school is very easy to figure out. Perhaps redact the team’s name, and maybe even the sport, and spare him a doxxing?
Of course, if Ron Dxxxxxxxxxxx is his real name, well, too late… Ron: prepare to own this like your social life depends on it. Agree and amplify, brother!
LikeLike
“it’s Complicated”
LikeLike
its complicatd
LikeLike
A good rule to follow is no exclamation points or question marks. Adds a ZFG panache.
Examples: “did you win?” –> “did you win”
“are you out tonight?” –> “ru out tonite”
The less energy and caring that go into your texts the better.
LikeLike
My latest text response to these types of pings is:
“ha”
Her:
So you’re not gonna ask how I did?
Me: ha
Her: blah blah blah blah
The joy of “ha” is it doesn’t sound quite as disengaged as “huh” but is equally vauge: is it a laugh? is it disbelief? does he not take this seriously?
LikeLike