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I wasn’t sure whether to put this human interest story (h/t reader A.P.) in a “Shitlord of the Week” or “Alpha of the Week” post, so I decided to skip either option and focus on the lightly embedded moral tale of this Texas man’s life:

The jerkboy may be hated, but he is never ignored nor unloved.

After Leslie Ray Charping died at age 75, his family decided to run a brutally honest obituary eulogizing the “evil” late relative.

The family wrote that Charping “leaves behind two relieved children,” in addition to “countless other victims including an ex wife, relatives, friends, neighbors, doctors, nurses and random strangers.”

The jerkboy may come
the jerkboy may go
But the jerkboy is rarely
if ever alone.

His death came at an age that was “29 years longer than expected and much longer than he deserved,” according to the obituary on the Carnes Funeral Home site.

At least he was remembered. Many boring betas go to their graves leaving no trace of themselves in the collective consciousness.

“At a young age, Leslie quickly became a model example of bad parenting combined with mental illness and a complete commitment to drinking, drugs, womanizing and being generally offensive,” the obituary read.

I bet Leslie left behind a lot of broken hearts. Hearts which still secretly yearn for his love.

The obituary goes on to list his hobbies which included abusing his family and expediting trips to heaven for his pets. He was also interested in fishing, which “he was less skilled with than the previously mentioned.

Now that’s just bad form.

“Leslie’s life served no other obvious purpose, he did not contribute to society or serve his community and he possessed no redeeming qualities besides quick [witted] sarcasm, which was amusing during his sober days,” the obituary read.

Ah, there it is. Did you catch that? The sound of those hurt by Leslie who nevertheless, even in his “deserved” death, can’t help but fondly reminisce about his charming company. The jerkboy is like that; one moment stomping on your heart, the next lighting up your dull life. A force of personality. An anti-hero. A blast of heat in a cold world.

No services will be held for him.

He served himself in life.

“Leslie’s passing proves that evil does in fact die and hopefully marks a time of healing and safety for all,” the obituary concluded.

“Healing and safety”: the words of an alpha widow rationalizing the blessings of her post-Leslie bored, drama-free life.

To all the Leslie Ray Charpings of America: we lovers of women and grabbers of pussy celebrate your life and honor your passing in the hope that your kind will not disappear from weird, wild America at a time when we need you most.

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