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Anonymous found himself in what the walking dead would consider an awkward situation, but one which he sees an opportunity to leverage into love.

Need game advice. Buying condoms. Cashier is very cute hard 8. Buying only condoms because I have a sex life and do, in fact, need them. But could always use more plates. I’m 40; she’s 26.

What is my funny opener to the sales clerk ringing up my condoms?

Store is nearly empty. Would be easy to chat her up. Ask her to come help me try them out? Just say “come get coffee with me on your break”? Also I live 3 minutes from here. She’d get the benefit of three orgasms if she’s lucky enough to come with me to my pad.

While not a scenario most men would encounter frequently, and deciding not worth analyzing for its seduction potential, it is amusing and pregnant with much amniotic flirtation, so if you do have the good fortune to slap a box of condoms down in front of a cute cashier, this is the post for you.

My first volley of advice: Don’t be overtly sexual. Condom purchase + lewdness is not the golden tingle ticket for a girl who doesn’t know you from Adam. That isn’t game; that’s the bro clown show.

Try disqualification game instead: “Don’t get your hopes up.”

Or implied preselection game: “Do you guys have a bulk buying policy?”

Or social tension acknowledgement game: “What’s more embarrassing… customers buying condoms or douches?”

Anyhow, I don’t want to hog the microphone. Readers, jump in here and give it your best game. You will be harshly judged and winners featured in a follow-up post.

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