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COTW winner is YaReally, who summarizes the best use of a group of hapless men guarding their prized quarry.

Take their girl.

You’re cooler than them by default simply because they’re so low-value to her that they’re her orbiters, and you’re the bright shiny new object. Just ignore her and chat with them, then tease her when she tries to get your attention and she’ll choose you and demand more of your attention. If you choose her, they can “protect” her and kick your ass…but if she chooses you, there’s nothing they can do about it because she’ll defend you from them. All they can do is go home and cry themselves to sleep, then Google “how do I get this one special girl I’m in love with??” and end up on their way to enlightenment lol

The shiv is strong in this comment. Congrats Ya. Your Golden Shiv trophy is waiting for you at the Chateau reception desk.

***

First COTW runner-up is EdwardWaverley, who writes a poem about a girl who secretly yearns for the grimy nonconsensual love of a street bum.

Tramp Seeks Tramp

I don’t want a beta provider
a simpering resource divider.
I won’t love a dashing young turk,
nor even a debonair jerk.

To render me gasping agape
I need to experience rape.
I know ’round the mountain I’d come
to play rape with the neighborhood bum.

As he stumbles alluringly near
with his gin-addled grin and his leer,
and accosts me without my permission,
all the dregs of my id start to wishin’

that he’ll yank me right into his alley
to assault my near-quivering valley.
Though I’m trying to straighten my dress
and to vocalize “no,” I’m a mess

of frightfully strange contradictions.
And I’m finding that civil restrictions
are a cramp to my hideous kink,
that I wonder what mother would think

could she see me receiving attentions
from nefarious, strange uber-menschen
in a dark semi-public demesne?
Better not to examine that vein

up too close. Yet it’s dreadfully clear
that an open-air climax is near!
If this fantasy goes any further
I may wind up a homeless man’s birther!

But enough! I can’t think any longer
of my rapey mysterious schlong-er.
(He’d be homeless, and horny, and free!
And he’d long just to rape only me!)

I’ve resigned myself simply to ponder
a vague thought of felicity yonder.
With my husband I’ll gladly play dumb
as I secretly yearn for a bum.

Stirring. I would pay good money to watch a prankster recite this on-stage just after a feminist slam poetess had finished her dull harangue.

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Second COTW runner-up is Just Saying, who reminds the dudio audience that giving a woman even an ounce of control is a recipe for romantic failure.

Women HATE making decisions or being in control – so don’t let her. Tell her where to be, and when to be there. If she is – great, if not you should have others lined up and it’s her loss. I have had a woman blow me off and my last text to her was a – “Sorry to miss you. Met someone, we’re off.” Suddenly my phone exploded with texts – which I ignored till the next day since I was with someone and they took precedence. The next time she was there – on time, and I banged her. You always have to be willing to walk on a woman – other wise they get full of themselves, and NO WOMAN is worth your dignity.

Being her pet monkey sending her photos with her name on it [re: James Franco], is BS – she showed it to all of her GF’s and laughed at you. No women is worth that – I would have sent her a canned photo of an old GF’s butt that I keep for such occasions with the verbiage – KISS THIS.

Depedestalization is a prerequisite to seduction. Of course, you can fake the pedestal funk to charm women, but really feeling the weight of that pedestal in your bones is a burden that will pollute any charm offensive you take.

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Finally, the COTW consolation prize is awarded to Waffles.

One of the first dates with my now GF of over a year, we were discussing what to do after we got food etc. I said something along the lines of “you can just drop me at my car tomorrow morning”, she said something like “Oh, what makes you think you’re coming back to my place?” Channeling the teachings of CH I smirked and said “Always assume the sale”. Sure enough went back to her place. We’ve been dating over a year now and live together. She STILL brings up that comment “always assume the sale” with sparkles in her eyes and tingles galore.

There is so little game in the world, and so few men practicing the art of game, that a little bit goes a long way. So long, in fact, that a woman will remember a cocky line spoken years earlier as the prelude to a deep and wonderful romance.

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