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Esteemed and slightly deranged readers, a contest is in order to determine the best, all-purpose alpha male text response that a man can send to a woman who is behaving womanly. By “womanly”, I mean head games, coyness, and the usual panoply of female shit tests intended to weed out the wilting betabois from the alert alphas. By “all-purpose”, I mean a response that can be slipped seamlessly into the flow of most text conversations with a girl whom you are trying to bang (or not bang, but just fucking around with for flirty fun) that serves to heighten her curiosity and sexual interest.

An all-purpose alpha male text ideally would be:

1. Short and sweet. Chicks dig opaque men.

2. Funny and/or witty.

3. Self-entitled.

4. Endearingly dismissive and cocky.

5. Borderline assholish.

6. Sufficiently ambiguous that it can be used as a reply to a variety of soft or hard challenges from women.

The following ten contenders for Most Alpha Text (MAT) are the collected gems culled from the best of the Chateau archives:

“gay” (credit: el chief)

Bring the movies

I don’t want to get you pregnant

nah

“Little spoons don’t ask big questions”

“lotstas ccockas 4u lzozozozoz”

Seriously tho! ur pussy rocks!

Are you auditioning for a soap opera?

“tl;dr”

8===D

Think hard about this vote, because your life depends on it.

The voting: Most Alpha TextgayBring the moviesI don’t want to get you pregnantnahLittle spoons don’t ask big questionslotstas ccockas 4u lzozozozozSeriously tho! ur pussy rocks!Are you auditioning for a soap opera?tl;dr8===DVoteView ResultsPolldaddy.com

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