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A reader writes about a girl playing hard to get after she had already been gotten.
i was fucking this 27 year old who’d just gotten out of a relationship for a while (i’m 24) and i texted her out of the blue and took her to a concert after not seeing her for two months. despite lots of kino etc at the show and her telling me “you’re dangerous” she told me she wouldn’t sleep with me tonight. we went to a bar afterward and i told her calmly i was very angry at her for coming out with me with no interest in coming home with me, and that i’d never call her again. she broke down crying. i must admit i took some pleasure in it.
i did some things well (holding my ground, flirting with the bartender and other girls at the bar, maintaining excellent body posture, excusing myself for the bathroom when she started talking about another guy, saying things like “i will permit you to sleep with me”) but probably betrayed my own lack of options by being too affectionate and continuing to care, show kino etc. she showed mixed signals – kept asking me questions about my actual type, continued to say she wouldn’t sleep with me but admitted she’d lied earlier when she said she was seeing someone, said she’d sleep with me if i put roofies in her drink (weird, but a sign she was thinking about it, i presume).
the problem is at this point in my life, basically all of this is unintuitive, so i am prone to making mistakes, or knowing how i want to respond to something in a conversation and struggling for the actual words. i am also probably too mean/bitter , i have not mastered how to “get to agreement” etc without sounding too appeasing/beta.
Can you figure out where the reader lost his mojo with this girl? Leave your answers in the comments. The post will be updated later in the day. Commenters with the winning replies will receive a stuffed ferret in rage mode.
Similar to a false flag operation, the false frame is meant to deceive a person into believing that the speaker desires a different outcome, or holds a different belief, than what is actually desired or believed. A typical example of the false frame is a woman alerting her date that she is not planning to sleep with him that night. While she may not in fact be consciously engaged in pushing the date toward sex, the frame she sets is false in the sense that its purpose is to entrap a man to accept its stated premise, despite the misleading nature of the premise obfuscating her true feelings.
(If you deny that these are her true feelings, you ignore the near universal evidence that women who speak of sex, in whatever positive or negative connotation, have sex on their minds.)
Denying or otherwise sidestepping a false frame would almost certainly yield an outcome at odds with the deceiver’s frame. False frames are close cousins of shit tests, differing mainly in their target designation (false frames are usually self-referential while shit tests are accusatory) and their style (false frames entrap while shit tests goad).
Here’s a hint to the answer to this edition of alpha assessment: It’s better to suffer a few beta procedural missteps while adhering to an alpha attitude than it is to flawlessly execute with alpha behavioral precision a beta attitude.
The answer to this riddle, of course, is when he told her he was angry with her for not putting out.
My friends, that is called Powering Up the Anti-Slut Defense Shields to maximum deflection.
You do not ever reason with a woman logically. When she says she won’t sleep with you, the last thing you should do is argue with her as if she is violating some legal contract. You either
a. ignore her ASD or
b. playfully redirect it to more fruitful emotions.
This reader’s scenario is a great example of the incongruence between maintaining a physical and vocal alpha frame while still operating under a mentality of beta scarcity. You can sit and stand and intone like James Bond, but if you chastise a girl for not agreeing to your sexual timetable, you may as well hang a sign over your head that reads “Desperate, Undersexed and Needing Quick Relief.”
You’ve gotta get that inner game down before the rest of the little things really click into place like one smoothly running pick-up machine.
Many commenters offered much better suggestions, most of which fell under the rubric of “agree and amplify”. Krauser has a great rebuttal to this kind of female false frame that is similar to agree and amplify, but takes a more seductive turn which opens opportunities to keep the conversational channel focused on impending intimacy.
My favorite reply is “That’s Ok, I didn’t want to get you pregnant”, which is really perfect for this exact situation.
Winners will receive the following stuffed ferret in rage mode.