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In this post, we discussed the problem of men forfeiting a big chunk their sexual market currency by repeatedly glancing around a room at every girl, hoping for reciprocal eye play, but ultimately never approaching. The SMV damage comes from two insults: One, girls are turned off by men who retreat to the safe harbor of long distance probing eye contact; two, men will experience a subtle but sure erosion of their self-confidence from abjuring action for passivity. Reader Days of Broken Arrows puts it nicely:
Looking also doesn’t work because action turns women on, not inaction. This is something they don’t teach in school and I don’t see it much in the manosphere either. I keep saying this, but I’ll repeat it. Even though they tell us we’re “equal,” men built everything you now own or work with (or in). Women’s job, biologically speaking, is to give birth. Men’s is to build society. We get turned on by things we notice about them that relate to giving birth (hips, breasts) they get turned on by knowing how we’ll help build the world.
As with any rules, there are exceptions. But my point is that having the balls to walk up to a women like you own the fucking room and deserve her time is half the battle. It’s a metaphor for why she’ll be attracted to you. Men who sit and stare are margin dwellers, not doers.
What kind of man just up and WALKS into a woman’s personal space to meet her when he hasn’t been green-lighted by hours of mutually parried eye contact? Answer: An attractive man. Chicks dig the insouciant, entitled man, despite any protestations to the contrary you may hear from the rape culture crowd.
Now, none of this is to say that pre-approach, long distance “openers” can’t work, or shouldn’t be tried. Not only can they work, but if done correctly, the nonverbal opener from a distance is powerfully alluring to women. For example, reader dannyfrom504 writes,
what’s worked for me (and i’m not a great looking guy) is to make eye contact and to stick my tongue out at her like we were in grade school. if i get a laugh or smile, i approach and ask her name.
Picture the scenario. You spot a cute girl, and look at her for a few tantalizing seconds, waiting for her to look up and return your death stare. Then, she raises her head and meets your eye. But instead of reacting the usual way most men do — quickly averting your shy gaze back down to your book which you aren’t reading — you stick your tongue out at her. For maximum funniness, you do this with a deadpan expression. Caught off-guard by this perfect demonstration of cocky male assurance, she will smile and laugh. How do I know she will smile and laugh? Because it is nearly impossible not to smile and laugh when confronted by such a strange and endearing child-like violation of social norms. You did not act like the millions of betas act, who perch in the corners of her world like potted plants. You acted like a man she is now suddenly interested in meeting. This nonverbal opener has greased the skids for a smooth follow-up approach opener.
Here’s another nonverbal opener from reader Cream:
this [sticking tongue out] is basically what I do except that I wave comically.
When a girl meets your eye, can you imagine waving your arms at her frantically, as if you were trying to flag her down from the side of the road? Or waving happily like you’re a kid who just spotted Santa Claus in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade? No? You say you can only see yourself looking away shyly, and looking back at her ten minutes later, praying she’ll toss you an absolutely unmistakeable signal of interest? That is why you fail.
Now here’s a nonverbal opener I like to do in low-key venues filled with obstacles that make instant, direct verbal approaches more problematic. If a girl meets my gaze, I’ll theatrically rub my chin, tilt my head and furrow my brow as if I’m assessing her for facial imperfections. Then I’ll drop my hand a bit from my chin, raise my eyebrows, squint, and nod slowly while doing that Robert DeNiro half-frown, half-smirk of sudden comprehension, as if I have realized she’s cute enough for further consideration. Sometimes, this charade elicits a blank stare, or even a sourpuss. But most of the time, the girl reacts positively, occasionally bordering on gleeful surprise. And if I have got a girl to smile from across the room, that just makes the approach shortly to follow that much easier to execute.
Does all this sound gay to you? Ok, Stoic Alpha Male Lumberjack, it’s way gay for you. But guess which man she’ll be thinking about the rest of the week? That’s right, the guy who stuck his tongue out at her.
If you aren’t embedding yourself in girls’ minds, you aren’t seducing them at all.
I understand that these sorts of expressive, perhaps histrionic, nonverbal openers require a certain thespian facility with manipulating one’s face and body, and a certain level of comfort with making a spectacle of oneself in potentially crowded arenas, and that many men, especially the shoe-gazing introverts, will find such contortions and stagecraft beyond their ken. If you are the sort who finds the idea of performance art intolerable, then there are other avenues for you to unleash your inner flirt. But for more extroverted or experimental men, the nonverbal “pre-opener” is like the cluster bomb of shock pulsing girls out of their tawdry, affected ennui. And you know what else? It’s fun to do!
Naturally, your acting chops will go to waste if you don’t capitalize on her freshly inspired feelings of warmth and good will toward you. You’ll need to do that follow-up, and you’ll need to have something to say. Reader immoralgables offers a suggestion for a cocky verbal opener that can be congruently squeezed into a whole slew of contexts:
A few weeks ago me and my good friend were sarging in the West Village. Him and I were chatting and plotting our next move when i noticed this one HB8 glancing at me for half a second.
I immediately dropped the convo with my wing and without hesitation went to the Hb8 and told her to stop treating me like a piece of meat and that I have feelings too, etc.
It was the first time I didn’t even think about approaching a hot girl; I just did it because I was opening girls all night so I didn’t care by that point. The reaction I got from her was awesome. She did not expect me to initiate like that and so directly.
I of course fucked up shortly thereafter but for those few minutes I knew exactly what Heartiste is talking about.
There is nothing inherently anti-game or beta about visually scanning a room to check out which girls meet your exacting standards. The problem comes when you abuse the safe effortlessness of the visual scan, and rely on it to the exclusion of more active real world interactions with women to forge an active fantasy world. This is why I suggest you get out of the habit of “checking girls out”, and get into the habit of speaking (or charming) girls up.