I-dawg writes:
Good stuff, man. I can’t tell you how much easier your blog and a rough knowledge of Game in general has made my dating life. Here’s a question for you though: how do you handle a steady girlfriend who wants to hang out with one of her now-married Ex’s (and his wife) from ‘back in the day’? It doesn’t sit right with me, but she keeps pestering me about it. Unfortunately, my stripper-ex has moved 1000 miles away and gotten married herself, so I can’t just agree-and-amplify by hanging out with her.
First, it’s almost always bad news when a girlfriend wants to “hang out” with an ex “from back in the day”, regardless of her ex’s current relationship status. You may as well start visualizing his cock sliding in and out of her right now.
You can take this to the bank: A girlfriend who want to hang out with an ex does so for only two reasons.
1. She wants to fuck her ex.
2. She is manipulating you for fun and profit.
Either way, it’s a red flag that your relationship is sailing for rocky shoals.
Don’t think for a minute that just because your GF candidly tells you of her idea to see her ex means that she isn’t thinking of fucking him. Quite the opposite; girls will usually drop bombs like that to alleviate the guilt they feel from harboring illicit thoughts of infidelity. It’s a major hamster rationalization that sounds something like this in their pretty little heads:
HAMSTER VESSEL: I can’t stop thinking about my ex.
HAMSTER: If you do something about it, it won’t be your fault if you warn your boyfriend first.
HAMSTER VESSEL: If I warn him, he’ll dump me! Or act clingy and beta and that is a huge turn-off I can’t abide if I want to marry and divorce him someday.
HAMSTER: What are you worried about? You’re just thinking about hanging out with your ex.
HAMSTER VESSEL: Yeah, hanging out! It’s his fault if he gets insecure about that.
HAMSTER: Now you’re getting it. And, hey, while your talking to me, can you pass me an aspirin? This spinning is giving me a headache.
My advice, friend, is to test the waters for which emotion is motivating her actionable offense against you. Is she really daydreaming about her ex, or is there something amiss in your relationship that is causing her to lash out like a mischievous impette? If the former, you should dump her first so that you can glide out of her life with that all-powerful hand which will give you a confidence boost for future pickups. If the latter, you have the luxury of deciding whether you want to play along and devise tactics which will reel her back into your orbit, or fuck with her head before delivering the sayonara shiv.
To determine where she is coming from, I suggest initiating the “instill dread” protocol. Do you detect whiffs of jealousy? Does she seem bothered by your flirting with her sister? Do your “late nights” at work get her worked up? Or does she seem blasé about your machinations? You could also call her bluff, but, as you said, counter her oh-so-innocent offer with your own suggestion for you to see your ex. “Funny you say that… my ex is in town and she emailed me to get together for lunch. I suppose we’re both cool with this, then?” Watch for facial tics that reveal she isn’t cool with that bargain.
The nuclear option is to straight up deliver an ultimatum. “If you see your ex, our relationship is over. These terms are non-negotiable.” If she’s bluffing, she’ll recant her suggestion. If not, she’ll act annoyed and say something like “we’ll talk again when you’ve calmed down.” If she was thinking about leaving you anyhow, she’ll just use your ultimatum as the excuse that she needs to dump you free of guilt.
Many men will be tempted to confront an unruly girlfriend who asserts her desire to see her ex-boyfriend. Confrontation is the useful strategy in some cases, but it’s not what I consider a go-to option. Confrontation can just as likely blow up in your face as smooth over problems. Cavalierly ignoring a manipulative girlfriend can be useful in measured doses, but as a strategy tends to diminishing returns the longer she knows you or the deeper any problems — like her roaring cuntery — fester.
The best strategy is structured, and builds upon itself as the circumstances warrant: start with a calculated amusement and teasing, coupled with a distant and condescending regard of her offer, followed by active steps to screen her motivations, and then finally a bold statement of your intolerance for her shit if it need come to that.
Whatever you do, don’t do beta. That means, no “aww, honey, let’s talk about this”, no “do you not love me?”, no “what did I do wrong?”, no “what do I need to do to make it better between us?”, no “why do you want to see your ex?”, no “do you still love him?”, no begging, no pleading, no supplicating, no butthurtness, no white knighting (“i’ll kill the guy!”), no manboobery (“but i thought he was a jerk to you last time you dated?”), no uber-manboobery (“i’m a card-carrying feminist! isn’t that what you wanted??!?”), and no promises to love her fitter, happier, more productively.
Dread and the fade away are spectacular.
This post is awesome. My advise would be to walk away I’d she is already under his skin. A suggestion to meet a married ex is not to be taken lightly.
It’s a power play.
Who’s being played is the question. If its the ex than you are the prise show off if its you than keep the hand and walk away, don’t bother to be around this cunt.
Having been in this situation before, I agree with the CH suggestions. This is also why you should always have some orbiters, if not a full-on booty call list. Having viable back-up azz options makes you much less tolerant to this kind of bullshit.
I believe it also matters on how their relationship ended.
Did he dump her, did she dump him?
If he did the dumping, really should watch out.
Agreed. If this ex dumped her, she’s infatuated for his dick.
Besides that, HE’S MARRIED NOW. So I think she’s playing to get him back one way or another.
The ‘steady’ girlfriend sounds bored. So I think the best option for the OP is to pick up new leads or game orbiters.
Nuclear option in this situation…some shit tests she throws you don’t take her seriously. This isn’t one of those times.
I agree. Situation like this, I’m straight-to-nuclear-do-not-pass-go.
Anybody who pulls this shit has, simply by doing so, demonstrated that the relationship is already over.
Yes.
Of course, I usually just tell them “no.”
They look at me: “What do you mean no?”
“You will not hang out with him. End of story.” (emphasize with swat on ass, if available).
(Tries route of laughing at your insecurity, might get angry).
Looking at her: “If you do so, or attempt to do so, or do so behind my back, it’s over. Even if I find about it a year from now, it’s over.” (smack again). “Now get on the bed.”
And if she does see him, walk. No matter when you find out.
Most just want you to put your foot down like a man.
I’m convinced just saying no to a woman causes tingles. It doesn’t even matter what the no is about.
Use it frequently…and without apology.
True dat.
Also, a menacing star and uncomfortable close quarters thrills them.
also…RAPE!
” and no promises to love her fitter, happier, more productively.”
Radiohead. I like your style.
I see that as no-win situation .
if you play her game and start making her jealous it will be like a gaming the woman you don`t want anyway – manipulative cunt.
You will be in this negative mindset – power games , remember that women are much better in social manipulation, she showed you disrespect already , so why try win her back ?
the second option is just split with her , just to minimize the damage, maybe LJBF her.
Why bother with anything but a dumping? For a hotter, younger chick? The whole point of Game, really, is that commitment is for suckers. Losers. If you’re going to be constantly Gaming, you might as well just … constantly Game. Why put up with it? When you can always trade up?
Yup. NEXT!
Is this whiskey?THE whiskey? Sounds a bit cynical coming from you…
I’d ask her if ex’s new wife is hawt or not, and make any “visiting” contingent upon her being a full +1 point above said GF, including making her fetch a good to excellent photo of her (even if she has to email the “ex” for a candid photo).
hmmmmm…..a swing n dump, perhaps?
This just in: Taylor Swift is already dating the killer’s brother. She was impressed with his sudden rise to fame.
Within the terms you set, yes. Best answer is: if you are dating a manipulative girlfriend, dump her and get a less manipulative girlfriend
So in other words. Boot the cunt.
OK, what about this, though. Mr. JB’s ex-fiancee came through town and wanted to see him. Back in the day, she let him know that she was busy fucking the entire Sunshine Coast Surf Team by leaving him with an (easily treatable) STD, and the marriage was off!
He wanted to see her to say “Check it out, bitch. This is what you missed!” and I was totally fine with that. Hey, dude, have fun.
Sometimes meeting with the ex is just a way of sticking it to them, no?
“sticking it to them”? isn’t that what you’d be trying to avoid?
While I would normally go nuclear immediately, there ARE exceptions, and something like this is one of them. If I were to talk about meeting a very certain someone, Mrs. Happycrow would know it wasn’t for the shtupping purposes, but to make a given point as brutally as possible.
Seems like a bit of insecurity to me. Why would you want to prove to some cum dumpster how much better your life is? Getting away from a terrible woman and being with a better chick is all the internal proof I would need. Plus with women she’ll probably forget pretty easily anyway…the next dude will do that.
At least with me….I consider all my exes as dead.
6′ tall model with a feline face and spectacular green eyes. Shit. Maybe he fucked her, for old time’s sake?
Oh well.
I guess that’s one way of “sticking it” to her.
She could be aphrodite, and if he’s pissed, she’s ugly. While hate-fucking does exist, I’d be surprised that he’d touch a gal he KNOWS to be riddled with cooties.
True. ONE trip to the clinic was probably enough. Yuck.
In assessing whether to let your women see one of her exes, you have to assess his prospects with women. I have an ex-girlfriend who has kids I love to spend time with, but I can’t see them because her husband is jealous of me. She probably wants to sleep with me and likely introduced me to them for that purpose — or at least to introduce drama into her marriage — but I do _not_ want to sleep with her. I only want to play with her kids. I dated her in her early 20s, she’s now in her early 30s, and I do not find her physically attractive anymore. I pull far more attractive women now and I don’t want to wreck her marriage and hurt her kids. But this guy’s insecurity robs me of the joy her kids bring me. He’s a loser.
Why on Earth are you interested in her demon spawn? If you don’t like either of the parents, wanting to be around the kids is weird.
I like her as a friend, just not sexually. I like kids. They’re fun to play with. If that’s weird, so be it. Being an uncle to someone else’s kids is a fun thing to do until I have my own.
If Game has improved this fellow’s life, why is he sticking with a woman who clearly wants somebody else? I think the perfect approach is to tell her it just won’t happen, explain why, and tell her never to raise the subject again. Then, start lookin’ for her replacement. So, when she mentions it again, dump her, and just move on. Or, to save yourself a bother, just dump her now, take time out for reflection, then move on. There is no way this gf is a keeper.
“You can do whatever you like Babe, you’re single now.” and walk out and ignore her calls/txts for a couple weeks.
You don’t need the explanation, I’ve just always wanted to use it lol
Details on the art of the Soft Next:
http://www.pua-zone.com/showthread.php?5492-How-To-Soft-Next-Step-by-step-instructions-and-answers-to-questions
This is the kind of shit I was looking for. Good looks YR.
Question for you. Whats the most devastating way you have broken up with a girl?
No dramatic stories, sorry. I’ve only legit broken up with a few serious girls and they were sad events to me.
In general I keep my relationships casual enough that there’s no need for a breakup…It’s completely in her control whether we hang out again because I can get other girls. As long as she’s drama-free and fun and a good lay, I welcome her into my life. If she fucks any of those up (acting out in jealousy over my lifestyle, being too depressing/pessimistic in general, letting herself get fat or stopping dressing up when I see her etc), I just don’t put in any effort to keep the relationship going or contact her until either she’s gone from my life or she smartens up and gets with the program. And if she fixes whatever caused me to stop putting effort into her, she’s welcome back into my life, I don’t really hold grudges, I love women and would love for them to all be in my life…like I say it’s completely in their control. A lot of them have trouble wrapping their head around that concept at first lol
The funny part to me is that the super serious monogamous girls I broke up with, I’ll never hear from again or keep in touch with or bang again because it’s too much drama and too devestating to them etc. whereas the casual fuckbuddies I’ve cut out, I’ll occasionally run into months/years later or keep in touch with and we’ll fuck around together. I find that funny in a way, that the girls I cared about the most are the ones I won’t see again after a breakup lol
These days it’s not even a game tactic for me, I just don’t accept that type of behavior because I only like positive happy fun people in my life in general. I’ll cut out guys, casual acquaintances, family members, etc if they cross my boundaries, life is too short to waste on people acting shitty. Except for on here, cause I’m here to teach men learning game and that’s worth putting up with some douches lol
The identity is strong within this one
“the girls I cared about the most are the ones I won’t see again after a breakup”.
Dude, that is so fucking true. I agree with you – they just can’t handle it, yet the former casual flings are texting again as soon as they’re single again (some even before lol). Doesn’t matter if its years later.
+1
Cutting out bullshit works wonders. Fuckbuddies, friends, family… doesn’t matter. Life is so much simpler when you -choose- to stop letting drama weigh you down.
“I already dumped my cum in you. You have no other use”
At best, she just wants to thumb her nose at the ex by showing off her new beau.
I suppose that’s a compliment, in that she thinks the new guy is better and that the old guy will see that the new guy’s better.
But, if this is “at best”, you don’t need that kind of woman.
There’s no “at best” here. A girl who’s genuinely into a guy is not going to be interested in hanging out with some beta schlub ex (which by her standards he *has* to now be if she’s serious about her bf).
Not only that, but according to him she’s repeatedly “pestering” him about it. All this proves is that her ex is on her mind. Since women are hypergamous not polygamous, there’s no reason for her to be stuck on her former beau unless she wants him. No, there’s no innocent explanation. Dump her now.
Hence my closer: But, if this is “at best”, you don’t need that kind of woman.
The “Dear Woman” crowd, in “blog” format :
http://menagainstassholesandmisogyny.tumblr.com
they coulda made the url shorter by just going with manginas.tumblr.com
Al Bundy would laugh at them during his meeting of NO MA’AM (National Organization of Men Against Amazonian Masterhood)
Is this for real? Is the guy really asking about this? Just put your foot down. Seriously put her in her place(not necessarily beating), how hard is that to do he needs “game” advice. No offense but I find it ridiculous that he needs advice on how to handle this.But then again I do call my man master, however I still cannot believe such a common concern is being put on this blog.
Maybe you should go to a different blog then. We’re discussing shit men have to learn to handle here, no one cares how stupid you think it is or that you like clamps on your nipples. Get a Livejournal.
Your non-antagonistic self-expression, while reasonable, offends my sensibilities. You see, I come from the background of a deep deep loser, and therefore project my loser nature on all commenters herein who hold a different worldview than my own. Therefore, rather than address the valid point you make, I will shout you down through shit-talking: insert shit-talk here ___. In this way, rather than evolutionarily adding value to this conversation over time, I can insure that it remains stuck in the muck of the lowest common denominator of losers who are fixated on the RSD worldview. Please don’t post here again unless your post is accompanied by RSD youtube videos.
Lol bro please just stop.
Give us actual legit advice on how to get from point A to point B. either that or go see a shrink and get your issues fixed.
Listen, find a new handle to post under because whenever we see AVD we simply skip the rest of your comment.
“Seriously put her in her place(not necessarily beating)”
lol thanks for clearing that up
MENTAL MASTURBATOR
http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m2ioz89Azf1rr6kveo1_500.gif
“why do you want to see your ex?”
Why not this? How is this “beta”?
Malcolm X might not be a favorite of the HBD’ers, but he was right about this:
““Never ask a woman about other men. Either she’ll tell a lie, and you still won’t know, or if she tells you the truth, you might not have wanted to hear it in the first place.”
The only advice here is to ditch the ho.
@Balaeniceps: Nice quote. I didn’t know Malcolm X talked about that stuff too.
And to address the quote, this is why no man should ask a woman how many men she’s been with. I personally wouldn’t want to know since I don’t want to think any less of her than I already do.
It’s pointless to ask such a question. If the girl wants to her ex, she will. She’s not worried about you at that point and it makes no sense to try to change her mind. You’re gonna come off as if you’re supplicating to her.
Point is when a girl tells you she’s gonna do this, the relationship should pretty much be over.
Never ask questions to a woman. Statements only.
Okay you can ask them what time it is…even then take it with a grain of salt.
It’s better to just dump her although I know that’s hard for a lot of guys to do. I didn’t have the guts to end it with my last gf for 2 weeks until I finally just said “fuck it…”
I had to do it and dudes themselves should do it more often.
Yup, ace. Beautiful women are a dime a dozen. Keepers? Hey, that’s a different commodity altogether. I don’t suffer fools gladly — check that, I don’t suffer fools AT ALL. But a keeper who’s having a bad day gets much more slack from me, until they do something which demonstrates that they’re not one. CH talks a lot about pointless women, not so much about the fish worth NOT throwing back, but it makes a difference.
Physical appearance is a woman’s #1 SMV attribute. Her commodity. Beautiful women eventually hit the wall and become part of the dime a dozen community. Its the sad reality we all deal with. That’s why game makes hotter, younger women an attractive option. The whole “keeper” concept reeks of white knighting and/or trolling. Yes, you will lose a few of the better women, but the other reality is there always another one waiting to be picked up. Its a pro/con reality when you have experience with women.
Except you won’t hold YOUR value forever. It’s not beta to accept that a sweet beautiful girl is better than a bitchy beautiful girl.
“It’s not beta to accept that a sweet beautiful girl is better than a bitchy beautiful girl.” Stop the strawman bs and pay attention to the CH archives and comments from the regulars (e.g., YaReally). Having attractive options is what makes you alpha, not being worried about your own value. Are you an alpha male? Then you will always have value. Try not to be so dense or such a hater.
Aaand if you want to have kids, and functional family? Also if you want somebody that would cook, wash, take care of your kids while you work/getting up on the societal ladder?
How’s about that?
Also wouldn’t you like to have somebody that you know. Somebody that you know is on your side, who you can trust – of course only because you know she already invested in relationship with you much time and effort, and because she sucks your game hard?
I care shit who is, or how should archetypical Alpha male look like. that’s a principle, and i stopped to live for principles.
I know what i like, and I know what i want and so i’m going to obtain it.
What matters only are the things that are useful on the way to that desired point.
YaReally is surely alpha, but is he necessarily the embodiment of Alpha male in all of it’s purest form? C’mon.
Instead it is more logical that criteria of Alpha male are Charisma, societal savvyness influence, resourcefulness, dominance, persistence, and other traits that make you successful in life/get you what you want.
Your inability to distinguish keepers from sex toys is what allows a woman’s beauty to act as the primary determinant of her SMV. If you’re a slave to beauty, then you’re her bitch. It’s as simple as that.
I have walked away from a 10 who very much wanted me to fuck her silly on a regular basis. Why? Because she bored the ever-loving SHIT out of me. I did another woman, not fat, but oh, man, classic butterface, probably a solid 4, until my balls hurt. Why? Because like a lot of women who can’t just coast on a pretty face, she was FUN, in *and* out of the sack.
If you think the keeper/sex-toy distinction is trolling, then man, your life around women must suck. Hate to be you, dude.
I feel weary. What is the point, honestly. Women are just farm animals. Who could be fcuked dealing with them.
Reading articles like this, it just makes me want to cauterize the part of my brain that makes me need and want women.
They aren’t even worth the effort.
Just cut your dick off then.
as an ex told me when she cheated on her bf with me (they were fighting). “you’re not a slut if you sleep with an ex. you’re just recycling dick.”
i broke up with her after 3 months of dating…….fucking her.
The hamster is strong in that one. She’s going to make some man very unhappy.
And gals like that get this song.
For whorefinder…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N22WI8xNJr0
O. T.: Unpedestalling Women.
Totally O/T:
I was reading some reports about Adam Lanza, the mass-murderer who killed the students & staff at the Sandy Hill Elementary School and then killed himself.
The news reports stated others described him as “intelligent, but nervous and fidgety;” that he “avoided attention;” that he suffered from a personality disorder and lived with his mother; and finally, that he was “intelligent, nerdy, goth, remote, thin.” There’s also an undated photo of the guy and he isn’t what the high school skanks would look for in their homecoming king or Football Hero.
Sadly, I wasn’t surprised when I read these descriptions. I don’t want to speculate, but he sounds like the Columbine murderers and the VA Tech killer: an introverted, omega ectomorph. The kind of guy ignored by society and who isn’t going to get any action. There are enough guys like that in the world who go through life, and who don’t snap, so the blame does rest with Lanza and his messed-up moral sense, but the profile “fit” just disturbs me.
But never mind all this. I’m just thinking while that gigantic Jabba-the-Hutt-like mass of quivering fat Jerrold Nadler is blaming it on the NRA.
Yep, another Aspie goes postal. This kid was doomed – Aspie, bizarre, lived with his mother, no father around. Nobody to help him learn how to appreciate people and interact with them. Little chance of ever getting laid. Doomed
How about (and this could apply to a lot of situations, and notice it’s a statement and not a question) saying in a curious but slightly unconcerned way: “Seems to me that either means there’s a problem with us or a character problem with you. I wonder which.” Another rule of thumb is to think about what you would say if it were a woman you didn’t care that much about – no special treatment.
sounds something like my situation. girl i was dating a year and really liked, during a rough patch, mentioned “going to africa next month to fuck a lot of guys”. i already knew she had an africa fetish (she did humanitarian work there and constantly talked about the country), and figured she hooked up with locals before we were together, but saying this stuff crossed the line. i’m sure her mother would of been proud.
she also said this in front of other people who she didn’t know very well, jeopardizing her personal and professional reputation. my theory is this: her motive was to demonstrate high value by showing she was ‘desirable’ by being able to have sex with whomever she wanted (she leaned feminists, can you tell?). this works for dudes, not for girls.
her comment made me peg her as low value and totally destroyed whatever attraction i had for her. even if she was bluffing, saying that shit to me while another person was in the room showed no class, poor judgement, and that she would use scorched earth manipulation tactics to get her way.
and did i mention i really liked this girl? broke up with her a month later. it was fcking hard and i still miss her at times, but i think i did the right thing.
Adam Lanza: Another Omega Male Shooting Spree:
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/12/15/nyregion/adam-lanza-an-enigma-who-is-now-identified-as-a-mass-killer.html?hp&_r=0
God damn. That’s me. Perfect description of my high-school self. Overprotective mom and all.
If I hadn’t manned up and learned how to talk to women, God knows what I’d do.
Here’s a LTR situation for ya’ll weooo~!!
There’s 2 clubs and one restaurant that’s owned by the same guy. He’s pulling a contest where he will be taking 8 people from the big club, 2 ppl from the smaller lounge (where I & gf work) and 2 from the restaurant.
Remember those golden stars you got in school if you did something good? That’s what we will be doing here. Starting in the New Year (trip is March break to Mexico) they will put a board up, whoever has the most stars after a month (work ethic etc etc) wins.
Anyfuckingwho, the reason why I know this is because my gf came into my work yesterday all tits n giddy saying I have a really good chance of winning this trip to Mexico omg1!!
I’m like, what trip? explain? So she tells me (without telling me that you have to ‘earn’ your way – not just a random draw) and I go without hesitation saying “that’s great babe, but just know if you go, I won’t be here when you get back.” She balked a bit, and made a really fucked excuse by saying if so and so goes they can keep an eye on me! (I’m paraphrasing but I’m callin spade a spade here)
So here we are – this fucking trip is inevitable – bitch will win regardless, they need a hot blonde bar slut with low self esteem for parties etc, which is her.
Clearly what I told her (I’ll leave you if you go without me) hasn’t registered in her 20yr old hamster, as just last night, and I’m sure tonight, she couldn’t fucking help herself not talk about the contest/trip and that she’ll hopefully win and “what if we both win!?!?!”….
This is impending fucking doom. This bitch will be a disposable cum rag for 4 nights and 5 days over there, not to mention the drugs. She’s crazy about me, but that doesn’t mean shit these days.
Here’s the kick: bitch clearly doesn’t care – why should I?
Loved that video about the dwarf-jock. He really is making the best of being dealt a bad set of cards. On the other hand. it is a lot like watching womens basketball.
Slightly off topic: To stop school-shootings put armed guards in schools. That would cost about 2% of all the other ideas being bandied about and would actually solve the problem. There are places that do this and it actually prevents this shite.
“You can take this to the bank: A girlfriend who want to hang out with an ex does so for only two reasons.
1. She wants to fuck her ex.
2. She is manipulating you for fun and profit.”
There may be other reasons.
3. In an effort to appear and feel desirable, women exaggerate their relationships. Her ex may not have been a bf at all. He could have been a friend or some other girl’s bf.
4. She is curious about the wife. Naturally. It is part of their DNA. Women check out other women.
5. In the end, you may need to dump her. First, try to train her. If not for you, for the next guy. In my experience, younger women need training, especially in how to be feminine, including how to not say things that damage their relationships.
Alpha?
She’s trying so hard to get him to compliment her. He’s just like ehhh how do I get around this haha.