Frame control is the sinew and gristle of inner game. The importance of owning the frame can’t be understated. It’s how the media gets you to believe their angle of the story, it’s how politicians demonize opponents and their constituents, it’s how academic shysters establish the bounds for acceptable debate, and it’s how experienced seducers communicate their higher status and unflappability to women.
A proper definition as it pertains to pickup should help clarify the concept:
A frame is a system of interpretation that an individual or group uses to understand a certain event/situation.
Frame is important in pickup, because it communicates the PUA’s mindset as well as the underlying psychology behind his words and actions. For example, Swinggcat advocates a “prizing” frame, whereby the PUA always assumes the girl is interested in him as the prize. In this frame, a chick can say, “I really like the tie”. The PUA can respond, “Thank you, slow down a little bit. At least buy me a drink before you hit on me like that.”
A funny example of re-framing is when Borat wears his famous swimsuit to the beach, and the reporter comments, “Borat, those trunks seem a little small for you”. Sasha Cohen pauses, and then promptly responds, “Ah… thank you!”. The reporter’s expression to contain a laugh thereafter was priceless.
[…]
“Framing”, [or frame control], in the context of media studies, sociology and psychology, refers to the social construction of a social phenomenon by mass media sources or specific political or social movements or organizations. It is an inevitable process of selective [ed: seductive!] influence over the individual’s perception.
In pickup, as with mass media, there are always certain levels of interpretation of a specific event that can be reframed based on frame control, and your emotions and conviction in your beliefs.
If you are not framing your conversations with women, you are leaving yourself vulnerable to hijacking by her hypergamous mating module. Power abhors a vacuum, and so does an undirected woman free to interpret anything you say in any way she sees fit. Framing a conversation in your favor is taking the initiative; failure to control or at least massage her perception of you exposes you to unfavorable reinterpretations of your attractiveness.
Maxim #45: Any conversation with a woman that is not explicitly framed by you to maximize your perceived status will lead to her forming a negative perception of your value over time.
I’ll give you an example from my own life. I was taking a girl back to my place, a new place I had just moved into. There were boxes and piles of junk everywhere. It looked like a bomb went off. I knew any girl would balk at the mess, and that if I was in any way defensive about it, our vibe would be killed.
When she walked through the door, her expression flashed a hint of disgust. In the living room, she hesitated to take off her coat.
“Is it always like this?”, she asked as she stepped backward a bit.
I wasted no breath explaining myself.
“The door’s right there, if you want to leave,” I said with an expressionless look, while holding out my hand in the direction of the door.
“No, no, I’m not giving you a hard time about it. I was just curious.”
We had sex later on top of a mattress doubling as a bookshelf.
It helped my frame that I was in a pensive mood when she came over. I was in no state of mind to impress a girl, and it showed. Had I explained that I had just moved in and was busy fixing the place up, or made apologies for the mess, she would have had mental room to reassess her attraction for me. Remember, girls don’t operate in a logical universe; they abide their emotions first and foremost. My calm, implicit dismissal of her negative frame and replacement with my own indifferent frame kept her attraction strong.
Here are some more examples of excellent pickup reframes. When girls ask me if I’m a player, I usually get the best responses from them by agreeing and amplifying (“oh yeah, the biggest, I hope you’re OK with harem duties”) or by accusing them of having a history falling for players, which has the benefit of oftentimes being true of girls who like to ask that question (“you’re one of those girls who has a thing for players, aren’t you?”).
First!
Good job.
Seriously, dude, Congratulations!
I thought we ran you fucking idiots off of here?!
Agreeing and amplifying on the messy apartment comment would have been effective too:
I actually was straightening up a little earlier. Sometimes it worse. But hey there’s the door if you like.
After she responds to that by qualifying herself, I would probably tell her “Actually, I’d just moved.” She’s already in your frame and you’re basically telling her you were messing with her, successfully.
Didn’t the term “frame” come from NLP?
[Heartiste: A lot of game concepts come from NLP, which in turn has borrowed from clinical psychology. There is rarely anything truly new under the sun, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Much wisdom in the ancient texts there is.]
What if the girl is getting the vibe that you ‘re moving too fast and tries to “frame” the conversation as more casual? Would you reframe back to seductive, since that would reinforce the problem? O go along for awhile and reinforce the new frame? Is it just hopeless at that point?
[Heartiste: If a girl starts hinting she wants friendship and she’s worried the direction you and her are taking, tell her “Whoa, you’re getting way too heavy. Lighten up.” Another tack: Call her bluff. “I’ve got enough friends. I don’t need any more.” Either way, don’t abide her frame.]
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the rtririck is to alwya slways steer the conevertsaion ttowards moby a dick and the bill of men’s rights:
D A BILL OF MEN’S RIGHTS HOURSE REPOSLTUTION 11LLOZLL111
lzozllzllzl every man shall have the right to
1) a womenz who hasth been butthexed less than 4 times
2) said 4 times not being done in the same night nor two consecutive nights niether lzozlzl
3) said butthexing events not being secretly taped without her conthent (liek da ebeocnths like it for fun adnfd profit selling books wpowered publicit butthex poered publicicty book sales)
4) no woman shall have a right to her husbands assetts if he comes home and finds her banging the poolboy ontop of his ps3 controller, thusly damaging said controller lzozl that would suck
5) wehnu ask a women how many poeple she has been with it wil be law that she will have to verbally multiply her anser by 10, and then add at least half the ass cocking sesssions which still count as sexth in certain religions lzozlzlzl
6) no man shall be made to fund a pussy that it out banging biker drummer cock, nor shall any man be made to pay for past use of a pussy lzozlzlzlz
i think that if we can pass this men’;s bill of rights into law, 90% of marriages will last lzozl.zlzlzlzlzl lzozllz which is why the butthex congreth and fiat masters will rail against my sublime logic reason phsilophy and religion lzozlzlzzlwoards MOBY DICK lzozozozlzlzlzlzozl
Heartiste
The importance of owning the frame can’t be understated. It’s how the media gets you to believe their angle of the story, it’s how politicians demonize opponents and their constituents,
I now think that, if the public is SO stupid to not realize this truth – even with tons of bloggery on the interwebz – then the public is too stupid to have Game benefit all but
we happy few
“Remember, girls don’t operate in a logical universe; they abide their emotions first and foremost.”
Only girls? I think politicians and media can game guys just as much as they can game girls …
[Heartiste: Come on troll, you’re better than this. It’s a difference of degree, not kind. Girls are less likely to automatically defer to their logic than are men.]
“When girls ask me if I’m a player, I usually get the best responses from them by agreeing and amplifying (“oh yeah, the biggest, I hope you’re OK with harem duties”)”
Haha, very good idea. I’m sure it would work with me. Every guy should have the self confidence to say things like this.
[Do you do anal?]
“Girls are less likely to automatically defer to their logic than are men.”
Oh, really? I didn’t know. But you have the evidence, like always, don’t you?
[Heartiste: It’s called stepping outside your front door and living a day in your life. You should try it sometime.]
“Do you do anal?”
I don’t have sex.
[So sad.]
You actually might be right about girls being more emotional and less logical. But it’s not so obvious that you could see it in one day. When I was younger I always thought that I’m more logical than most of the guys.
[Heartiste: Aspergers will do that to a girl.]
“[So sad.]”
Yeah, I know 🙁
[You sound like you need a long, hard drilling. This asexuality thing is making you unpleasant company.]
I don’t know … I hope I don’t have Aspergers :S
[Heartiste: You write like you do.]
“This asexuality thing is making you unpleasant company”
I’m sorry. I try to be pleasant but I can’t do anything about this. I also doubt that asexuality is the main reason that makes me unpleasant.
[It’s one of them. Think about the men who don’t get laid. Not a fun group, all around. Same goes for women who, for whatever reason, haven’t had their holes plunged in eons. They are usually insufferably prudish, erratically ill-mannered, mean-spirited and/or frantically self-absorbed.]
“Think about the men who don’t get laid. Not a fun group, all around.”
In fact, these are the guys that fly planes into buildings.
Today’s game is based on science. Another game blogger noted that science will fly you to the moon, while religion flies you into buildings (while chasing those 99 virgins you never got in this earthly realm.)
How does this advice make any sense? I agree Maya is annoying as hell, but haven’t you yourself told women to refrain from riding the “cock carousel”?
“You sound like you need a long, hard drilling. This asexuality thing is making you unpleasant company.”
That’s what i said to her recently, and she replied with something like “i need to find love”.
No, Maya, you need to find a fit alpha and let him drill that pussy until your little brain falls back in place.
The number of sex partners and ability to bond with a future husband don’t matter in cases of emergency. You need to get fucked, period.
Effective frame control involves disrupting the fundamental assumptions (the “interpretation of events”) behind her comment and replacing these with your own. It needs to be done with conviction.
…And while your comment clearly does the later, it doesn’t really replace her original assumptions (or wisecrack) at all about the mess being permanent. It frames her comment as a sort of bluff (which you call) but doesn’t negate the assumption behind it. Why not say something instead that actually replaces her frame and doesn’t just reject her for it.
[Heartiste: There are many ways to reframe. One of them is to utterly destroy a competing frame by refusing to acquiesce to its tacit message. In this case, I am relaying an example that demonstrates the effectiveness of a reframe that doesn’t even directly address the underlying assumptions. SInce I was in no mood to parry frames, a simple nuke of her frame was all that was needed. See: Don Draper, for plenty of examples of this.]
You can just use “No, it’s cool.” for pretty much anything. Even when the words don’t make sense, it’s the intent/frame behind it they pick up on and fall into if you have a strong frame.
“this bungalow isn’t good enough for me”
“no, it’s cool. C’mere (makeout)”
“why don’t you have a car? I don’t date guys who don’t have cars.”
“no, it’s cool. What makes you think I want to date you?”
“that shirt is gay”
“no, it’s cool. What are you guys up to?”
(angry guy) “I’m gonna kick your ass!!”
“no, it’s cool. What’s your name man? (hold out hand for a handshake)”
Laid-back game. My forte.
Polar opposite of control-freak game.
Both are effective with conviction and pizzazz.
Laid-back game is better though.
I tend to apologize to new women for a possibly disorganized apartment as I’m unlocking the door.
The fact that I can say I “tend” to do this makes me realize I’m not doing too badly with women, regardless of whether this is a mistake.
But seriously,
1. It sends the signal that I’m supposedly not a player who would expect a female guest, which could prevent LMR/ASD.
2. It gives me an excuse to sometimes have the new woman stand outside the door while I quickly go in and hide the nightgown of another woman (who tends to hang this near the entrance as a claim flag for informing other women who might enter).
But, apart from this minor disagreement, the above post on frame is destined to become a classic.
Advice in this vein:
Always police any hairs a woman might leave in the sink or bathtub, long before the possibility of another woman seeing them (for this you cannot wait until the last minute like a nightgown or hairbrush because you’ll forget).
Does anyone have other great advice on not getting caught out on the presence of other women in your pad? And, no, it’s often not a DHV for them to find direct evidence of other women in your pad.
[Heartiste: Stray hairs are gross, but I’ve found that a conspicuously misplaced earring or bracelet works wonders to capture a girl’s interest.]
I tend to be cautious, not because i’m afraid to be confronted (on the contrary, preselection is unobtainium to hamsters), but because if a girl notices evidence that you’re a player, she will rightfully insist on condoms.
I prefer to use condoms at my discretion.
When a bernankified girl asks me, “Will you stick your lotsa coakaksa in my anuthole bakcccgddodor brownhole?”
I reframe teh equestion, “How about we put your “Bernankified) t-shirt on backwards and I pretend your gina hole is da butthole and i put da gbffm lotstas cockas in dere?”
SCORE!! zlzlzlzlzlzzozzlzozlzooz
you can buy your own bernrakified t-shirts here:
http://cafepress.com/greatbooksformen zlozozlzozoz
How come you sell those T-shirts in X Large, XX Large, and XXX Large?
Just hoping someone would SHOUT your message for you?
Or did you want to get one for your wife?
How come you sell those T-shirts in X Large, XX Large, and XXX Large?
because they’re for american women, duh.
Xmas shopping is now complete, zlozozlzozoz.
I’m pretty close to buying the “Light T-shirt” one for myself.
You have to purchase the GBFM Hazmat Suit first, unless you don’t mind drinking from the pilsner glass full of splooge from the 50 guys who butthexed and desouled her assouled before you, and then pre-order the infamous GBFM asset-insurance parachute if you’re contemplating getting into an airplane that crashes 50% of the time.
I don’t have sex.
Cool down, maya, and just do it!!! Bill Clinton told me it isn’t sex!
Someone should wear those GBFM tees to an OWS rally. Reframe the shit out of those protesters.
OWS is protesting the bernankified elites who are butthexing the economy. so it would be less of a reframe and more of an endorsement.
Wow, timely. Have been searching for an article like this a lot for the past couple weeks because i’ve found it’s hard to pin down exactly what it means by “keeping your frame” (other than keeping your “cool” so to speak).
Thanks for the resource. I tend to use a lot of agree and amplify to keep my frame. I think my biggest enemy to my frame actually isn’t other’s competing frames anymore, because i’ve gotten better at defusing shit tests and the like. The biggest enemy is myself, if I end up speaking long enough i’ll say something that breaks it (e.g. I might apologize for that messy apartment even if she didn’t say anything).
there is so much more to frame control than what’s mentioned here…
[Heartiste: Yes, but this is a blog format, not a book.]
The frame wrong can be dangerous in real life. The nuclear event at Three Mile Island was made much more serious by the operators deciding (erroneously) that the plant was in certain condition and responding with that wrong condition in mind.
They ignored substantial evidence to the contrary and the consequence was a partial meltdown.
What saved them was a new crew chief walking in a 8 am, looking over the situation and turning back on a specific pump that the night crew had decided was making matters worse – in theiir frame but not in reality.
The lesson to learn is to not get too locked into a hasty diagnosis and always test your frame.
A case – is “she” really a “she?” Or a TV? (I live near San Francisco!)
Can’t be “overstated.”
Her – “Is it always like this?”
Me – “It had better not be when I get back in about an hour. Cleaning supplies are under the sink.”
Actually walking out the door after saying this would probably be taking the joke too far, but I wouldn’t be able to resist. I’m weak that way.
I would pay you to film that and put it on youtube.
And I’m stealing that from you.
Where the fuck is King A?
Come back, dude.
GBFM is here, and far wittier.
Since they have the exact same ideas, what’s the problem?
He’s butthurt over that whole game/MRA thing.
Her: “you’re a player aren’t you”
Me: “To quote Big Pun, ‘I’m not a player I just fuck a lot’”
One way to keep the frame under your control is the “Girlfriend Report Card.”
Every now and again, give her a mock report card with grades on such items as “personal cleanliness”, “affection”, “cooking”, and “Pet Control.”
For “sexual adventuresomeness” – I gave my lady an incomplete until we have that FFM she agreed to.
Make sure there are no more than a few A’s and at least one D or lower.
Sign it with your title of “Superintendent and Chief Disciplinarian.”
The thought of worrying about frame becomes unpalatable once you reach a certain level of masculinity.
For example… When you’ve got a great LTR and you have a few on the side, meeting new women isn’t really a big deal. If you lose one of your side pieces, another one tends to fall into line as you have extra free time. The fact that you don’t give a fuck about new gals you meet pretty much sets your frame perfectly. Always get more sex than you actually want.
Or, if you have plenty of customers and you’re making good cash, meeting new clients isn’t a big concern. If you lose one, no big deal — you’ve been making enough extra cash to waltz through any minimal loss. Always make more money than you actually spend.
The same is true with peers/colleagues — losing one over a difference of opinion is not a big deal.
The issue with worrying about frame is the act of being concerned with it almost tends to clutter up how you act. Too much worry is easily read by women. When you actually don’t give a fuck about a new gal, a new client or a new friend, you truly have won the battle over frame presented.
Make them work to have you in their lives. “What’s in it for me?”
Man I love this blog, best thing on the whole fucking internet…..peace from the UK….
Frame,game and prizability by the guru Swingcat was one of the first post on Frames I read years ago.
One Awsome example of frame control, that really opened my eyes to the power of the concept, I saw in the movie ‘Mesrine: Killer instinct’. Well worth watching if you like to study super alpha’s.
In the scene the well dressed Mesrine and his associates are robbing a wealthy frenchman in his home when the frenchman and his wife unexpectidly come home.
Mesrine confidently goes to meet them and explaines that they are dectives from the police department investigating the robbery at their house.
his frame is perfect and the couple buys it.
‘Catch me if you can’ with leonardo decaprio is basically a whole movie on frame controle, also well worth watching.
GAME YOUR WIFE.
GAME YOUR GIRLFRIEND.
It must be stressed that one of the most important aspects of game is to game your girlfriend/wife, and not lose your edge. It’s MORE important than gaming new pussy, b/c a LTR is growing stale, by definition.
It is grossly overlooked BC ITS “NOT NEEDED”. This is why its more like insurance, you don’t even know if its working, b/c you’re already fucking her. This is just all for good measure.
I have taken this to a new level. It is so counterintuitive, yet is pure gold. I am increasingly bold about talking about my past. I glorify past conquests. I made it damn clear that I can and will get laid again, if this ends. All in such a laid back, matter of fact manner. I engage with random women on the street, right in front of her face.
This topic should be addressed more here. It really is the MAJORITY of game, b/c guys with game eventually settle into serial relationships, since they are able to drum up options. Eventually, pickup is more of a chore than enjoying your new slampiece(s) at home.
I like this idea. Probably want to apply it in my own life.
It’s a bit awkward because I don’t always know who I want to “pretend” to be; not certain that confidence is always the best approach to make a good impression. But it might be fun to play with.
Finally, a maxim I’m already good at!
This is really sound advice.
Jesus was good at this:
Mark 12:13-17:
“13 Then they sent some of the Pharisees and Herodians to Him in order to trap Him in a statement. 14 They came and said to Him, “Teacher, we know that You are truthful and defer to no one ; for You are not partial to any, but teach the way of God in truth. Is it lawful to pay a poll-tax to Caesar, or not? 15 “Shall we pay or shall we not pay ?” But He, knowing their hypocrisy, said to them, “Why are you testing Me? Bring Me a denarius to look at.” 16 They brought one. And He said to them, “Whose likeness and inscription is this ?” And they said to Him, “Caesar’s.” 17 And Jesus said to them, “Render to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s, and to God the things that are God’s.” And they were amazed at Him.”
Which is why I’m praying tonight for that cocksure attitude that gives birth to the reframe.
Solid post.
Frame Control has its benefits in and of itself:
1) Leads you to be more self-perceptive
2) Allows you to break the subconscious habit of seeking approval
3) Bolsters your dominance.
No frame is unrealistic. Just don’t be insecure about it. Rather, just assume your confidence.
PG
For most guys, successful frame control could be significantly improved if they would just…
1. Avoid controversial and banal topics (e.g. politics, sports, etc.) and keep it fun and light
No matter how passionately she believes in climate change or cheers for the Patriots, any lengthy discussion about public policy or sports or any other controversial or banal topic will sap the moisture from her tang like a high-efficiency tampon. Instead, keep the frame light and fun. This is easier to do if you don’t take the girl seriously – and you shouldn’t. BE DILIGENT! If a girl starts sabotaging the dialog by heading down some conversational or boring sniper’s alley, take the initiative and change the topic yourself. I once did this while gaming a German girl (7) at a wedding party. She began talking about something boring, so I cut her off with a rude “whatever” and immediately started talking about something fun. A flash of surprise betrayed her emotions; she was clearly taken aback by my abruptness. But the gambit helped. Had I let the frame devolve into some boring domain I wouldn’t have been balls deep 2 hours later
2. Skillfully use sexual innuendo during the attraction phase
Fear of sexual herassmeat suits and the desire to avoid the corporate HR queens have rendered millions of men unwilling and/or incapable or using effective sexual innuendo. Not only will girls who are worthy of your time appreciate your boldness, but it’s also a litmus test to see how receptive she is to your game. If she’s frigid or acts offended, no biggie, just eject at the next natural opportunity. I once used sexual innuendo to devastating affect on an American female coworker (6.5). During lunch I sent her a sexually ambiguous text. That text led to a dozen or so more texts that afternoon and culminated in post-work three-holing at my place a few blocks away. The best part is that this girl was the prototypical East Coast ballbuster who would be expected to run to the HR queens at the first sign of impropriety. I swear, the harder the front, the softer the armor.
Dear Chateau, I have a related question: how to respond when all of a sudden in the middle of nice and playful conversation girl asks “whadda you want?” I don’t know why but it sends my brain into quan
tum loop and this results in me losing frame control.
Thanks.
Thanks for crediting PUA Lingo on the definition use we appreciate it!
i am unsure whether this is game or anti-game
could anyone enlighten the clouds?
Is it always like this?”, she asked as she stepped backward a bit.
I wasted no breath explaining myself.
“The door’s right there, if you want to leave,” I said with an expressionless look, while holding out my hand in the direction of the door.
A regular line used by women when I do something along what is said above is “OMG! You are so sensitive, sorry not trying to hurt your feelings” How would one play that off. The wrong way about is defending the fact that you are not sensitive..What’s a good response?
OT
Ronnie Wood (heh) gets a 25 year old hottie.
http://gawker.com/5858368/ronnie-woods-new-25+year+old-girlfriend-loves-hoobastank?tag=music
One frame will always prevail. And the time from first contact to the point where either your frame or hers is primary is not very long.