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A dirty little secret of chronic seduction is that girls want you to disapprove of them. Not all the time, or for everything, of course. But once in a while, women like to hear that you disapprove of something about them or something they’ve done. It comforts them to know that you have the stones to risk their indignation and possible retaliation. Why? Because a man willing to risk an unhappy woman is a man who likely has what it takes to secure a replacement woman. This knowledge is like the male version of T&A to a woman’s limbic lust lobe.
But what do you do if the girl you are seeing is pretty much all around great? Well, you rap her for minor offenses. Feign disproportionate disapproval for any petty infraction she commits. If you want a healthy relationship with a lifespan measured in months or years instead of nights, you have to set some time aside to express dissatisfaction with her. Planned drama, you could call it. If you have the talent, you should always premeditate your drama; that way, you control its intensity and resolution instead of allowing yourself to be buffeted by surprise drama.
For example, a girl I used to date once confided to me that years ago, before we met, she had had a one night stand with a dude she met while on vacation, on the advice of her girl friends who were ostensibly helping her get over a breakup. (Another reminder to never trust your girlfriend’s friends.)
In truth, I didn’t care about her off-night of sluttiness. It happened years ago, and it didn’t bother me. But that’s not how I played it.
Me, acting mildly disgusted: “You… YOU, of all people… had a dirty one night stand with some… dude?”
Her, starting to sound nervous: “Whaaaat?! It was a long time ago! I was trying to get over a bad breakup!”
Crossing my arms, looking away: “You think you know a girl.”
“I can ‘t believe you’re reacting this way. How many girls have you slept with?! It’s no contest!”
“No comparison. It’s worse when a girl screws around. I don’t know if I’ll ever see you in the same way again. Who have I been dating? You feel like a stranger to me.”
“Oh my god. Really?! This? Really???”
“Could you just sit over there on the couch. Fuck, I need some space.”
Now she’s sounding sheepish. “Is this really bothering you? If this is bothering you, can we talk about it?”
Shit, I worried that I went too far. The last thing I wanted was a “talk”. But I couldn’t stop. I was power tripping. “I thought you were different than all the other girls.”
It went back and forth like this for ten minutes, her getting progressively more agitated and regretful, me finding it harder to contain my burgeoning smirk. Finally, I relented, a little.
“Well, since it was a long time ago, I guess I’ll get over it.”
She collapsed into my arms. “You know it was nothing. I’ve never loved anyone as much as you.”
Feigning disapproval. Gentlemen and scholar seducers, this is how you stoke a woman’s love flame.
And sometimes you won’t even have to feign.