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First, thank you for the excellent blog.
The writing, content, and resulting purposeful applications are first rate. You attract much insightful, interesting, and humorous content, too. Please keep up the good work.
On to my question: so, I am a dad and wondering, with Father’s Day 2011 just around the corner, your thoughts on how, when, and at what rate should matters of game be introduced to your male offspring?
I did read this:
It made my heart ache.
My son and I frequently go about town alone. Dining together. Talking to the people around us. Looking them in the eye at all times. Assessing strangers at other tables and trying to read them based upon what we observe. He and I scored girls in the mall a few weeks back. He is only 10. I’m not going to rush him into things, but want to give him the tools and tactics to use when he is ready. I don’t have a great playbook for rearing him, but I do want him to lead his life and not the other way around. Any feedback and thoughts would be appreciated.
How, when, and at what rate to introduce game to your son? A few classic Chateau thoughts on the matter are here.
To my son: You will learn how to say Hi to girls before the age of 16 if it kills you. There will be no Star Trek or Lord of the Rings posters in your room. You will instead have Helmut Newton photographs hanging on your walls and a copy of Mystery Method. I will treat the family dog better than you if you major in anything that doesn’t ensure a salary high enough to keep you from grubbing off me. Learn how to throw a punch. If you turn out gay, don’t ever bring your “boyfriend” around me. Certain things are best left in the realm of the abstract.
if I find out your mother was a two-timing whore and you are not my kid, you will never hear from me again. Kindly direct all your rage her way.
I’m glad to see you’re taking your son out and showing him the ropes. As a father, you have no more important duty than guiding your son on the path of alphadom. What greater gift can a father give his son than the knowledge and example he needs to navigate the initially confusing world of women, and to live as a free man in an increasingly corporatized, feminized, Orwellian world?
You want to introduce game concepts to your son now, as he’s hitting his teenage years. Your first forays into this dark knowledge should be couched in terms a kid can relate to, i.e., lay off the sex talk and arid evo psych theories. Tell him that girls are different from boys and that this will matter as he gets older and starts to like them.
In your specific case, it seems as if your son is maturing early, if he’s “scoring” girls at age 10. He probably knows the basics at this point? If that’s so, then you can go to the next stage, where you analyze specific female behaviors and make them relevant to him. For instance, he might complain about a girl who only likes him when he’s mean to her, and he doesn’t understand why. You can then segue into a discussion about why girls like that sort of attitude from boys, and how he can have that attitude but still grow up to be a good man.
Note: Do not ever fall back on the typical beta herb father response of “Well, son, women are a mystery. You’ll find that out soon enough.” That’s the cheap and easy way out, and prepares him for nothing. Patiently explain WHY women are the way they are, that women aren’t really mysterious at all, it just seems that way because they think differently than men. Remind him, too, that men seem mysterious to women, so the confusion goes both ways. The whole “mystery” cop-out is just another form of female pedestalization.
As he’s becoming more aware of true female nature, there is a risk his young mind and heart will slip into cynicism and disgust for girls. Don’t let that happen. Remind him that, though the world works this way, there is no reason to let it get him down. There are some rules to follow, but the game itself is still a lot of fun, and nothing feels better than falling in love with a girl who loves you back. (Abstain from discussions of “love” until he’s well into his teens. A 10 year old is likely to turn up his nose at that.)
As his mind matures (age 16 or so), begin introducing him to the literature and science that scaffolds game concepts. You can start with this blog and these resources. If he’s anything like a normal heterosexual man, his eyes will widen with wonder when he first reads this forbidden knowledge. This is a critical juncture. If you have not laid the groundwork, a sudden infusion of game material can send him careening through a labyrinth of haphazard self-discovery, his journey littered with dangerous risks and broken hearts. You must start his reality education NOW if you want him to put the future knowledge to good use. An unanchored padawan is a light saber duel away from joining the Sith.
The rate he should learn this stuff will largely be up to him. Once the floodgates open, he’ll likely seek out further knowledge on his own, without your guidance. The internet guarantees that the window for active parental guidance is smaller now than it has ever been. That’s why you must begin your teachings before he gets to high school.
As a responsible father the setbacks you most want your son to avoid are:
Marriage to an ugly feminist.
Give him the knowledge and tools to circumvent those unhappy fates and the wisdom of your experience and you will be a hero to him for life.