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We already know, thanks to the spiritually enriching wisdom of this blog, that a man should never say ‘I love you’ before his girlfriend has said it. But there’s more.

Reader Shark writes:

Other things to never say first:

“I miss you”
“Let’s be exclusive”
“I want to have children”

These are all right on the money. In fact, the only way a man can say the above and remain optimally attractive to his girlfriend is if a “too” is appended to each. For example:

“I miss you, too”

“I want to be exclusive, too”

“I want to have children, too. Wait… what?”

Better yet, a shit-eating smirk in response to a girlfriend saying any of the above works wonders to beef up alpha allure.

Additional emotional outpourings a man should never say first in a relationship:

“Let’s move in together”
“I was worried about you”
“At least let me know where you’ll be”
“Can I have your work number so I have a way to reach you in case of emergency?”
“I love cats”
“Your farts smell like a bouquet of roses”

The problem with emotional outpourings is that they will be perceived differently depending on the sex of the recipient. When a man hears these things from a girlfriend, he thinks ‘Wow, this chick is into me. The sex spigot is open at full blast!’

But when a woman hears these things unprompted from a boyfriend, she thinks ‘Aw, how sweet, he likes me. Hm. Kinda needy, though, isn’t it? Why are my labia curling inward?’

To a woman’s ears, her boyfriend’s ‘I miss you’ never just means ‘I miss you’. It also means ‘I’m really scared you’ll leave me’, and ‘I’m saying this as part of a passive-aggressive strategy to guilt you into continuing to allow me access to your pussy’, and ‘My god, there’s no way I can get another woman if you decide to upgrade.’ So be careful about not just the timing, but the tonality, of when and how you tell a lover you miss her, love her and/or wish to commit to her. Good rules of thumb:

  1. Make sure she has said it first at some point in the relationship.
  2. Wait at least three months into the relationship before dropping any emotional outpouring bombs (EOBs).
  3. Never drop an EOB before you’ve had sex with her ten or more times.
  4. Do not drop an EOB right after, or right before presumed, sex. Same goes for the immediate time after a fight. It will sound obligatory and, hence, false. EOBs are best deployed in an unpredictable manner, when she least expects them.

EOBs are inherently beta, and thus must be used with caution. Acts of beta (AoB) are never meant to be avoided entirely — the AoB is, in fact, a critical component of relationship game that helps to solidify a girlfriend’s feelings of comfort and security in your company — but they do need to be utilized with the utmost care, because overuse can happen quickly and *will* degrade a girlfriend’s attraction to you.

Some of you will undoubtedly ask, “Well, what if she never says any EOB first?” If that’s the case, then you shouldn’t consider her anything more than a fuck toy. Additional commitment with such a woman is courting heartbreak. Any woman truly falling for you will wind up blurting out an EOB against her better judgment. A woman in love can’t help herself.

Maxim #26: Women secretly hope that you won’t rob them of the opportunity to make themselves vulnerable before your alpha inscrutability.

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