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A reader (name withheld) sent me a field report of his experience with a girl who continued playing the field while dating him.
Women love to think they are one of a kind, not predictable, and far too complex for labels. Well they are predictable. In fact this makes a great neg.
I believe men put greater weight in someone’s words than women. It is a sign of character and respect for a man to look someone in the eyes, shake hands and hold to his word. I have never observed a woman bragging about keeping her word or standing on the principle of something she has said. Women are wordsmiths. This of course is an Achilles heel when dealing with women. Strip away the words though and the message is surprisingly clear.
Case in point, my last fling. Part of her ‘routine’ is a sweet country girl with old fashioned morals. *Snark* I met her buying her furniture. She was selling everything she owned to move in with her boyfriend 5 states away. A little teasing, a few texts and a phone call got her to meet for a glass of wine. Two dates later the move was off and I was on.
Her relationship history was an instant red flag but she was a little hottie. She had her game down and knew what spin to feed guys. She walked the walk too, at least for the first month or so. I ended up making a few notes to keep my head straight. This ended up turning into a relatively sophisticated relationship analysis tool. I paced the relationship, graded along several lines, listed red flags and kept an ongoing synopsis and commentary on her. Most importantly I only considered her actions.
At times I would open my file on her and not really like what I saw. This usually happened after a good F* . But I’d reread all the supporting details and I was back on Earth, eyes open. I suspected she had Low Self Esteem and I have been down this road. Little details solidified this after only a few weeks. I knew it wouldn’t last.
Sure enough a couple of S* Tests surfaced. I suspected they involved affirmation from other eligible guys. After icing her for a couple of days, she wanted to meet and “talk”, mid-day. I preempted her little talk with the precious words “I think we are thinking the same thing”. This totally rattled her. Guys don’t break up with her! I told her I could tell she wasn’t taking herself off the market yet expected me to. This was the story my “analysis” told me. Of course I was completely way off base, nothing of the sort was true, how dare I have her figured out! hmmff.
Sure enough it later came out she did have a date with some guy the same week as the [shit test]. Years ago I would have been blindsided and confused. I doubt I would have put it all together beforehand. I probably would have given credit to her improvised rationalizations when the reality was a plain as the C stains on last weeks sheets. I didn’t do everything perfect. I went off on her when she revealed what she was up to. I should have just snickered and ask her for her Truffle recipe. But I did see it coming. I was bummed for about 6 hrs till I went to sleep. It was fun while it lasted. The next morning though I had a perma-grin knowing I pegged her in more ways than one.
Message to my brothers: Understand you’ll probably flounder in the emotional soup that pervades female cognition. You likely give too much weight to her words so turn them off. Her actions say it all. Hone in on them and you may even be able to predict her next slutty thought.
PS. Wish I’d have read your Ex-girlfriend how-to. I would love to have set the table for a rebound.
I like the idea of keeping a mental checklist of a woman’s red flags. In fact, I would go one step further and jot down in a small notebook all the red flags as they appear. This serves two purposes. One, as the reader above wrote, it keeps your head on straight and out of the clouds. Continual reminders of women’s bestial natures is the raw alchemical agent for long-lasting, healthy relationships, should you choose to go that route. Obviously, red flag number one was her decision to dump a man she was about to move in with for a man she met in a furniture store.
Two, keeping a red flag journal (RFJ) will illuminate with crystal clarity where you need to make adjustments on the fly to keep the sex coming, or where you went wrong if the relationship ended in a breakup. It’s a truism that jotting thoughts down in writing will have much more impact on your thinking processes and subsequent actions than storing those observations in your memory bank. A red flag journal will give a man tremendous leverage in any dating scenario, as it will strip away any beta rationalizations he may be tempted to wallow in, and it will also serve as a learning tool for future girls. Because as we all know by now, most women are pretty much alike in their natures, save for the adorable embroidery.
“I think we are thinking the same thing.” I liked this response from the reader as a preemptive action, but he would have been better off following up without mentioning that he knows she’s not taking herself off the market. That is a subtle demonstration of lower value on his part. He is tacitly implying that he’s not good enough to keep her off the market. Instead, he should have simply accused her of wanting to keep *him* off the market. That would have been adequate to cause her to veer wildly off her breakup script and into a defensive crouch where gina tingles are born.
Anyone else notice how girls will attempt to schedule breakup talks at midday? Well, at least those girls who aren’t breaking up through email or the silent treatment. (A majority of women, for reasons probably having to do with the female proclivity for that most milquetoasty of values known as “closure”, prefer to do their breaking up face to face.) If a girl ever says she wants to meet for a “talk” at a midday hour, my advice to you: Don’t respond at all. Don’t give her the satisfaction. A non-response also paves the way for continued sex as her breakup initiation sequence will be forced on indefinite hold. As I’ve written before, it’s all about hand. He/she who holds hand, dictates the direction and pacing of the relationship. And we’d all rather be the dictators than the dictated.
If there’s one lesson men should take from my blog, it’s this: Scrutinize what she does, not what she says. This one lesson, above all others, will never fail you. It will serve you well until your last days. As far as generalizations go, this one is about as rock solid as an established scientific theory. An amusing irony of life is that, despite women being blessed with a generally greater verbal faciliity than men, their words falling from their lips are gossamer lightweight and amorphously empty, devoid of intention and brimming with obfuscation and misdirection. Refuse to dance on her spinner’s web and the power is all yours. And chicks dig power.