Feed on

After Zeets’ barbarous romp through the SWPL cookout of the year, the Asian girl in attendance decided she couldn’t get enough of his Conanical brusqueness and the two of them went on a date a month later. Before the date, Zeets was informed by various palace guards and court whisperers that the Asian girl had a semi-serious boyfriend. This didn’t stop him.

ME: How’d the date go?

ZEETS: Pretty damn good. She’s into me, it’s easy to tell.

ME: How so?

ZEETS: Just the way she laughed at all my jokes. She smiled every time I spoke. And then back at my place we were sitting on the couch, and I started kissing her neck. She moaned loudly, high-pitched, like a horny kitten. I wonder if all Asian girls moan that loudly.

ME: So you got her back to your beastly sanctum.

ZEETS: On the ride over, she said “You know I have a boyfriend.”

ME: Oh boy, here we go. What’d you say?

ZEETS: I looked her right in the eye and said “I don’t care.” She didn’t say anything, but her eyes sparkled with lust.


There it is, folks. The perfect answer to the “I have a boyfriend” plaintive demurral, the last moist gasp of a blushing gina about to succumb to a torrent of tingles.

“I don’t care.”

Have there ever been three more beautiful words in the English language? “I love you”? Pshaw. Too plebian. A beta’s cheap substitute for passion. But “I don’t care” encapsulates the essence of alphaness; aloofness, assholery, and authority are communicated in the split second it takes to spit these three wondrous words.

It’s one of the premiere Alpha Phrases, and definitely qualifies as One Word Game, the powerful new seduction system which I am currently developing with a team of crack pussy aficionados.

As with all sciences dealing in the nebulosity of human behavior, there are contingencies and caveats in the use of the nuclear “I don’t care” game changer. One, don’t say it with anger. The words must escape your lips on a pitch of perfect neutrality, perhaps laced with a hint of impatience. Two, context matters. As I wrote in my post on handling the “I have a boyfriend” shit test, the timing of the BF bomb will determine your best response. If she tosses it at you right after you’ve said “Hi” (or worse, on the walk over), your “I don’t care” reply could incite resentment and anger. She’s saying it to get rid of you, not shit test you. But if she says it later, after you’ve gamed her for a minute and sparked her interest, then treat the BF line for what it is — a crass shit test, and a reflexive id-shaped anti-slut blurt. “I don’t care” should be your go-to answer.

Forget every other line you’ve read or heard; the “I don’t care” insta-rejoinder reigns supreme. Besides Zeets, two other men have told me about the lubricated reactions they got from girls when they responded with “I don’t care” after getting heaved on by the “I have a boyfriend” upchuck.

And why limit yourself?

HER: I don’t think I’ll have any free time this week to meet up.

YOU: I don’t care.


HER: Sorry I’m late.

YOU: I don’t care.


HER: I didn’t cum.

YOU: I don’t care.


HER: How many girls have you slept with?

YOU: I don’t care.


HER: I’m breaking up with you.

YOU: I don’t care.


HER: Do you love me?

YOU: I don’t care.

Can anyone deny that the man in each of the above scenarios comes off as totally alpha? Would you be embarrassed to have these conversational snippets of your love life shown on a Jumbotron in front of thousands? I wouldn’t. In fact, I’d beam with pride.

I now predict the overuse of “I don’t care” by millions of apprentice betas. Soon, saturation will mean that girls will respond with something equally witty or with an expert level shit test they deem unassailable. I will give the ladies no ideas here. The sexual arms race continues, straddling the Vaginot line between mutually assured destruction and mutually assured pleasure.


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