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Relationships are merely a continuation of pickup by other means. Just as she must never forget to keep in shape for your pleasure, you must never stop gaming your girl. The day you slip into complacence is the day her love begins to show signs of stress.

Relationships may change but the Game remains the same. There seems to be a mistaken belief among the betacracy that game may be good for pickup but it’ll do nothing at best, and sabotage at worst, your prospects for a long and healthy relationship. These are the beliefs of weak and nutless men who habitually dumpster date women way under their own market value so that they can go on acting like Dr. Phil castrati without consequence. They are also the beliefs of fat and ugly women.

Beta men = fat and ugly women. The resemblance is uncanny!

Naturally, the first few hours, days, and weeks of a courtship will be more exhilarating than the years to follow. After the brash novelty has faded and love begins to take root a mutually comfortable sufficiency will assert itself. An implicit bargain has been struck and there comes an expectation, not wholly removed of anxiety, that your partner isn’t going to bolt, run away, or suddenly despise you from one day to the next. But soft expectations so often morph into hard demands, and then the misalignment with reality begins in earnest.

“If I got fat/beta, would you still love me???”

Eventually, no. As with demographics and economics, there is a lag time in sexual dynamics. This lag time gets longer the more established the relationship becomes. A man who commits one glaring beta act on the approach isn’t going to get more than a few seconds with his target before she blows him out. But a man who has been seeing a girl for two years has to run up a litany of beta fouls before his woman’s love finally dissolves under the onslaught of her mounting disgust. A lower energy, consistent level of relationship game different only in degree, not kind, from pickup game, must be a part of every man’s arsenal of perpetual sexiness.

One thing you will not fail to notice with women is that their shit tests never end, they just fade away… to less annoying frequency. A handy chart demonstrating this female proclivity to endlessly take stock of your alpha cred should make things clear:

The Average Man             # and Intensity of Female Shit Tests
First few minutes              Rapid fire shit tests designed to weed out betas

First few dates                  One or two shit tests per date,
                                          less crass, more subtle

Post-sex                            Possible “I didn’t cum” shit test. Ignore it.

First few weeks                 Shit tests become less obnoxious, more defensive;
                                          (“Are you always this late?”)

First few months                Non-verbal shit tests increase in frequency;
                                           she waits for you to call instead of picking up
                                           phone herself.

Six months later                Endearing love and romance shit tests
                                          begin to flare up;
                                          (“You hardly ever give me flowers.”
                                          “Do you love me?”)

One year in                         Provider shit tests in full swing;
                                           (“Why don’t you buy yourself a bigger place?”
                                           “You never tell me what you do at work.”)

Two years in                      “Life purpose”, marriage, and infidelity shit tests;
                                           (“Where are we going with this?” “Bob just popped
                                            the question to Sarah. Aren’t you happy for them?”
                                            “Are you cheating on me?”)

Thirty years in                   Regret and death shit tests;
                                      (“The kids are gone. I’m not in love anymore.”
                                      “Would you wipe my spotted ass when I’m an invalid?”)

If you aren’t a natural at deflecting shit tests of all varieties, then you must teach yourself. For those men not blessed with the quickness of mind and aloofness of temperament to handle shit tests like a champ, a system must be devised. I’ve found one. I call it the Agree & Amplify anti-shit test counterinsurgency.

The concept is simple. When you are hit with a shit test, agree with your girl, and then amplify your agreement. Here are some examples:

GIRL: “Why didn’t you call last night? Are you dating someone else?”

YOU: “Yep, I’ve got a harem to service. Be happy you’re in the top tier.”

***

GIRL: “Are you just going to sit around all day playing video games?”

YOU: “Damn straight. With enough hard work I should be able to push this to a full month.”

***

GIRL: “We’re going to that restaurant again?”

YOU: “Yeah, and because you’ve bitched, we’re going there for the next ten years.”

***

GIRL: “Sometimes you can be such an asshole. My ex knew how to treat a lady.”

YOU: “I bet he did. You should beg him to take you back. I could use the peace and quiet.”

***

GIRL: “Don’t you have any ambition in life?”

YOU: “Zero. Could you be a dear and hook up my feeding tube?”

***

GIRL: “I didn’t like the way you flirted with that girl at the party tonight.”

YOU: “I know, I’m an incorrigible flirt. Good thing you didn’t see the other ten girls I flirted with. Phew!”

***

GIRL: “You never get me flowers or write me poetry.”

YOU: “You’re right. Just think of my cock as a flower and our fucking as poetry in motion.”

***

GIRL: “I think we should take this slower.”

YOU: “You read my mind! Can I pencil you in next month?”

***

GIRL: [Making it obvious she’s flirting with another guy in your presence.]

YOU: “Hey, if you’re gonna try to make me jealous by flirting in front of me, at least put on a good show. I haven’t seen bad flirting like that since your Mom tried to pick me up.”

***

GIRL: “Buy me a drink.”

YOU: “Sure thing. Would you like my ATM pin number as well?”

***

GIRL: [Calls you back two days after you left her a message.]

YOU: “Only two days later? Wow, you’re slipping. A true player waits a year before calling back.”

***

GIRL: “I really feel we aren’t compatible.”

YOU: “You’re right, we’re *totally* incompatible. I like to wake up at 8:30 and you get up at 8:15. Who can live with that?!”

This last one is especially interesting, because no matter how compatible you are with a girl, she is compelled by an otherworldly force to wonder aloud how incompatible you both are. Expect to receive this shit test around month three. Women have to work through their gina demons, and the issue of “compatibility” is a biggie. For men, if our dicks fit inside her pussy, we’re compatible. For women, a whole host of arcane connections must be made before she can feel you are “the one”. The Agree & Amplify method is the only acceptable response. If you two are incompatible, arguing with her will only highlight that. If you two are compatible, pointing out all the ways you are compatible will only cause her to search more fervently for those few ways you aren’t compatible. Agreeing with her, whether or not she’s right, and making fun of her concerns, is the best way to make her forget all about the issue.

So to all the verbally hamstrung betas, when (not if) you find yourselves confronted by yet another shit test, instead of wracking your brain for the appropriate response just recall the words “Agree & Amplify”. A&A, A&A, A&A. Say it to yourself over and over, and the right answer will come to you.

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