This post is also available in: German
Over at Sebastian Flyte’s crisply written blog Elysium Revisited, I was tooling around and read a pretty good post about bringing a girl into deep rapport through the use of emotionally charged questions. An experiment was set up to discover how long it would take to build a romantic connection with someone. One group asked their partners a bunch of intimacy-building questions, while the control group asked their partners typically lame questions of the sort the average man without game might ask, such as “Where are you from?”.
Here are a few examples of the intimacy-building questions the first group asked:
Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are living now? Why?
What roles do love and affection play in your life?
What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
The questions were designed to be asked in a certain order, such that the tamer questions were asked first and the more intense questions asked later, the idea being that your partner would feel more comfortable answering the later serious questions if you loosened her up first with relatively benign questions. This “graduated verbal compliance” is similar to how kino progresses — from light, almost imperceptible touches on the forearm, to a hand on her thigh, and then to cheek to cheek contact when you whisper something in her ear.
The results of the experiment were unsurprising to anyone who has accepted the Good Word of Game into his life — the group asking the emotionally supercharged questions did not want to part company while the control group using Conor Friedersdorf-style respectful beta questions failed to ignite a romantic spark.
One of the laments I hear a lot from guys is “I can’t think of anything to say with a girl!”. It’s true; sometimes your brain will lock up and you’ll sit there blankly, desperately clawing your mind for any nuggets of insight to jumpstart the conversation with the girl. Unfortunately, once you’re aware of your struggle to say something fresh, your ability to move the conversation along plummets. It’s like the baseball player who suddenly thinks too hard about the mechanics of his throw and winds up getting the yips, throwing the ball into the dirt or way off-target. This is why I have a problem with PUAs who stress “natural game” at the expense of memorizing routines or one-liners. The truth is that having a few openers, negs, qualifiers, and deep rapport questions committed to memory will help any man hone his seduction skills. In fact, I used a few of the rapport questions from Sebastian’s post some months ago with a couple girls I dated, and they worked exactly as predicted.
If you’re really daring, you can try “serial killer game” deep rapport questions on your target, which amounts to hinting that you have a shady, violent past. And as we all know, quality (read: hot) chicks dig shady, violence-prone men.
YOU: Would you stay with a man you deeply loved if he confessed that he once did something very bad to another man who deserved it?
HER: It would depend on what he did.
YOU: Would you still love him if he asked you to help him dispose of the body?
YOU: With a chainsaw?
HER: Kiss me!