The range of answers by the commenters to yesterday’s post about how to handle an inconsiderate woman you’ve been dating for six weeks when she flies out of town on a mystery trip and leaves you in the dark were wide and varied, enough for me to choose representative samples of the worst and the best.
Almost every commenter got the first part correct. Do nothing. If a girl says she will call you over the weekend but doesn’t, you’ll only make yourself look worse by trying to establish contact with her. Either she can’t use the phone, and your repeated texts and voicemails pile up like a monument to your betatude and embarrass you, or she has decided not to call you, and any move you make to get in touch will validate her negative impression of you. When she does call back you’ll have your opportunity to recapture the upper hand. If she doesn’t call back… well, then you know she boffed the ex and you can stop fretting about her.
The second part of the test was a lot trickier.
askjoe wrote:
Put on my three-wolf moon t-shirt and wait for her to start beating down my door.
Never doubt the power of the three wolf t-shirt.
Grade: Chuck Norris
Aenigma wrote:
Getting angry and calling out her BS shows that she has direct control over your emotions- never a position you want a manipulative woman to know she has. Additionally it shows that you’re not the aloof alpha- so its a no go.
Bringing it up or asking about it will show you care directly- also a no go.
Your best bet is to pretend nothing happened. You’re the aloof Alpha remember?
The concept of alpha aloofness can be stretched to extremes, where it becomes not just counterproductive to your pussy goals, but corrodes your dignity as a man. How much are you willing to brush off? Everything, as long as you “Go out and fuck ten other women”? This principle taken to its logical end would mean that EVERY TIME a girlfriend or date did something you didn’t like you would dump her forthwith and move on to the next girl. You think you can have a normal relationship with a girl completely free of her typical female bullshit? You are living in a fantasy land if you think that’s so. Women weren’t designed by the Lord of Biomechanics to make men happy. They were designed to make themselves happy. It’s our job as men to train women to please us. We do this by satisfying her need for a strong man, just as she satisfies our need for a thin, sexual, feminine playmate.
An alpha’s default mode should be amused mastery, in control of his emotions which remain torqued for retribution only when it advantages himself. But there is room in an alpha’s universe for uncontrolled blasts of passionate anger. Sometimes a girl wants to have her man piss on his territory.
Grade: B- for avoiding the worst beta temptations
Firepower wrote:
Thus, when fretting begins, it is a clear signal to use a man’s advantage: Game.
Go out hunting with the goal of acquiring new tail.
While on the call, wait for her to divulge her reasons. Hopefully, if she cares about the sudden damage she has caused to a budding relationship, she will be nervous in explaining her reason for traveling. If she clears the air satisfactorily – ok.
Regardless, I’d lay it out clearly that relationships are based upon trust and confidence. I’d state my expectations plainly. If she cannot abide – I am finished with her and will progress to the next female.
A solid answer. Six weeks is not enough time for a man to forfeit his prerogative to chase skirt up and down the city. Fretting will certainly gain him nothing. (Think about the kinds of people who fret. Gays and women. And lesser betas.) Don’t jump down her throat when she calls. Let her explain herself. The earnestness or circumspection with which a woman divulges her me-time will tell you a lot about how much she values your trust. If her story reeks of BS, dump her or demote her to fuckbuddy (without informing her of the demotion of course). The choice to dump or demote is highly dependent on her hotness and your options. If she gives a plausible reason and offers to come over right away to administer a black hole blowjob, then strategically drop the matter and wash the smegma off your junk. Later, when she thinks everything is copacetic, you may cooly inform her of your expectations for a relationship and your displeasure with her actions. The best time to lay down the hammer of hurt is when it’s least expected.
Grade: A
It’s My First Day wrote:
Don’t answer. Write her off. Go chase some new tail. If she really digs you, she’ll keep calling and eventually she will send you an email explaining herself. IF the email offers a decent explanation as to why she went MIA for 3 days and it is full of apologies, then you may consider taking her back. Otherwise, give her the heave-ho permanently.
A lot of commenters suggested the hardcore approach, like this one. Hey, if you’ve got a steady stream of progressively hotter chicks waiting expectantly, open-mouthed, for the blessing of your jizzbombs, then go ahead and be all the hardcore you wanna be. But what if she had a legitimate reason for her actions? What if you like the girl? Letting her Monday night call go to vmail is not a bad idea, maybe even preferable to picking up right away, but not calling back for days or waiting for her to send an apologetic email is unecessary overgaming on a girl who you have yet to hear out.
Grade: C
Schumpeter wrote:
I agree, it sounds like a shit test. Maybe there was a reason to take off, but not giving that reason up front is a shit test.
Maybe it was a shit test, maybe not. Given the information we have, we can’t make that determination with full confidence. If she was a one week fling, I’d say, yeah, assume the shit test and return to gaming her like the two-bit whore she is. But maybe she’s just an absent-minded numbskull? A lot of flaky, self-entitled urban girls are surprisingly obtuse in their grasp of social niceties. If she’s calling you, then that means you’re on her mind. Give her the opportunity to clear the air.
Grade: Incomplete
Days of Broken Arrows wrote:
I’m sure this is the wrong answer, but I would pick up the phone, listen, then call her on being weird: “Did someone die?” Then I would listen more. If the reasons for her departure were flaky bullshit I would do as follows:
I would put the relationship into second gear or on the back burner. When people behave like this early on, it doesn’t get better. It’s a sign of things to come.
Key word: weird. I will explain in my answer below.
Grade: A+
Paul wrote:
I am surprised how many people get so possessive and demanding so quickly in a relationship. Based on the scenario, this is just a fun relationship with a somewhat flakey girl that has zero LTR value. After dating such a girl for only six weeks you are already demanding that she account for all of her time?
This is a girl who has had your cock in every hole and your sperm sprayed all over her body. She has professed much affection for you. It is not an example of possessiveness to refuse her disrespect.
Grade: D for dodge
kam wrote:
if the grandmother died or the brother was hurt, she would have texted “grandma died” or “brother hurt”. the “i’ll call you with the explanation” means it’s not that simple, and probably emotional drama vs actual drama.
Grade: P for perceptiveness
Ari Hinkelberger wrote:
What a true Alpha would do is call her friend up… Tell her you don’t have much going on this weekend because the 6 week fling is out of town.
You then ask her friend if she wants to get a drink on Saturday night.
Her friend will want to get a drink with you if your girl is hot, because she considers you filet minon who only bangs hot chicks…
Since you are top shelf liquor who only bangs hot chicks and walks with an alpha limp, you go out with her friend on Saturday night – get her drunk – and fuck her on your couch…all the while your 6 week Wonder Women thinks she is playing you.
There is no way to nail a flaker to the wall harder then to bang her hot friend.
Then when your girl calls Monday night, you pick up the phone like an Alpha ask her how her weekend was. Tell her that you had GREAT active weekend and that you were sorry you didn’t call and check in.
Grade: A+++, just because
Lady Macbeth stayed true to form:
From a woman’s perspective I agree with Aenigma on the actual reaction. If you refuse to answer the call the first thing I’d think is: “uh oh drama queen needs to know every detail of my life or he’s gonna pout”
If your first reaction when he doesn’t answer the phone is to think he is pouting, then that means you did something cunty and you don’t like that he may be calling you out on it. If you had nothing to hide, you would just be a normal human being and assume he was busy when you rang.
So answer, act extremely cool and casual like you didn’t even realize there is something you SHOULD be angry about because the anger also proves to a woman that you care. (in my opinion).
Translation: Be a doormat. Let your woman disrespect you without fear of reprisal, because to refuse her this god-given right just shows you have not placed her on a high enough princess pedestal. See: Italian eunuch who cooks Cuntrag’s dinners and picks up her kid’s toys.
Sort of like “hey is everything okay with you?” and if she gives you a simple “yes” let it go and talk about something else. I disagree that women who don’t want to talk about “details” of an emergency are hiding something. When something happens in my immediate family I don’t share more than sketchy details even with long term friends.
The woman in my story didn’t even have the sense to share sketchy details. Any woman who explains away a mystery four day disappearance with a simple and incomplete “Yes” is presumed guilty of a Class A whore infraction. If a man takes your advice he will be a second class citizen in any relationship, which, I suppose, is just how you like it, because you’re a bitch control freak.
The part I disagree with about Aenigma is the “go out with other women” (or pretend to be too busy with other chicks). If a guy trys to make me jealous I always know and it’s satisfying for a woman because again….she knows you care enough to get upset and look for other chicks. An Alpha man doesn’t NEED an immediate replacement because he always has options. What’s the hurry?
In Cuntrag’s rapidly imploding universe, the man can’t win. If he’s a pouting beta, he loses. If he’s a player alpha, he loses. But if he does all her housework for no sex in return and pretends to enjoy her inane ramblings about the BMX biker doing a 180 handle spin into her anus, he’s the perfect man.
Here’s a clue, LR: An alpha man is not going to wait until you have thoroughly abused his trust before he exercises his options. The world does not revolve around you.
Not to mention that if she thinks you’ll run for another woman the moment she’s not available it will be easier for her to come to the conclusion that you’re not worth HER time (because you cannot be trusted).
When a woman skips town on her lover without even a cursory explanation, she has provided evidence that she is not worth HIS time. Whether she thinks he is worth her time is irrelevant.
Grade: C for… ah, I’ll let you finish the rest.
The_Judge wrote:
This is pretty simple, really. If you have been dating, vigorously I assume, for a month a half, then you should NOT tolerate a prolonged absence without an explanation. It doesn’t matter if her entire immediate family was killed in a freak RV trailer explosion; she should have let you know why she is leaving in the first place. Or if she left in utmost hurry, updated you the first chance she got with a very clear and concise explanation.
Anything short of the above is a clear and present sign of flakiness, which needs to be punished immediately. You don’t have to dump her right away, but a stunt like that requires complete detachment of empathy. If she starts talking some made up sob story (or even a true one, makes no difference at this point), you need to cut her down to size make it clear that you have priorities in life:
1. Me
2. A woman who cares for me and loves me unconditionally
3. My business
4. My affairs
A little bit of overkill, but basically this man grasps the deeper implications of the woman’s actions.
Grade: B+
Roosh wrote:
The answer depends on what you want from the girl. If only sex then who cares who else she fucks. She’ll return for the dick eventually and you’d probably have something else on the side anyway. But if you want something serious, then some type of dramatic call-out after a cooling off period will be required. If she doesn’t then verbalize how much she cares/likes you and wants to see you again then it’s done.
Context is king.
Grade: A+
anony (a chick) wrote:
@Aengima,
You are wrong and LR is correct.
Confident women NEVER knowingly compete, because 1) it’s unnatural; men compete, not women
The existence of the beautification industry refutes you.
Grade: Goose Egg (one left)
******
ANSWER
First, I will reveal what happened to the friend in my story. Then I will offer what I believe is the best response to any similar situation to the one experienced by my friend.
He picked up the phone Monday night and she explained that a girl friend had an emergency and she had to fly out of state to be with her. She didn’t tell my friend the reason for her hasty exit because her girl friend had requested that her problem be kept secret. Having sworn to uphold her friend’s privacy, she probably thought that telling my friend she was visiting a girl friend with a personal problem would mean she would have to explain the details of that problem. She said she did not answer texts or voicemails because her phone had no reception where her girl friend lived (a small, lightly populated state). My friend accepted this plausible excuse because she has a history of sexually pleasing him and giving him lots of affection, and furthermore she sounded genuinely happy to speak with him again. There was no dumping or demoting based on this incident.
Later, I informed my friend that he should keep a wary eye on his woman because her behavior, despite the solid rationale given by her, was not the ideal behavior of a woman who respects and cherishes her man more than the whims of her own self-indulgent egotism. If I’m right in my assessment of this woman’s character, then their relationship will not last much longer.
What I Would Have Done
I would have let the Monday night call go to vmail, then called her a couple hours later. As Roosh explained in his answer, if I liked the girl enough to consider her LTR material then it would have been acceptable, even required by the Code of Alphadom, to call her out on her disrespectful flakiness. It doesn’t matter if she was pulling a shit test or was simply absent-minded, her behavior sets a bad precedent for any potential relationship with her. Her excuse, while plausible, still leaves a bad taste in the mouth. She could have easily texted my friend that she was flying out to see a girl friend about a personal problem that she was not at liberty to discuss. Any man who wasn’t a beta paranoiac would accept that reasoning without argument, and with the patience to withhold judgement until she returned to fully explain herself and prove her continuing passion for him.
The method by which I would call out the woman in this story is one I have found works exceptionally well. I would first tell her I’m glad everything’s OK with her, then I would call her weird, or even creepy, for sending such a vague text in the middle of the night when it would have been no trouble for her to give a simple heads up why she was leaving. Girls use words like “weird”, “creepy”, and “loser” to describe men who repulse them, so by co-opting their own words of disgust to use against them you will strike deeper into the heart of their warped female souls. Girls understand the power of these words, so they will work to win your favor back if you tar them with the same brush they tar the betas of the world.
Then I would keep her at arm’s length for a month, hitting on other women and fucking her with a healthy dose of detachment, until she had earned the full measure of my trust again.
For those insisting that the woman in the story owes my friend nothing, your loose ethical standards are not helping her cause. The length of time of the relationship matters less than the vigor with which the passionate lust and loving affection has been exchanged. Any woman who has received your unprotected cock into her vagina on multiple occasions and taken loads of your hot seed to every square inch of her body has relinquished the freedom to behave selfishly and cavalierly without suffering a degradation of her worth as a girlfriend. By her cagey actions, she has announced that she is a rank slut. Her hole is open for business, no strings attached.
An important feeling every man wants in a relationship is the feeling of OWNING, in some part, his woman. This is a natural expression of the masculine essence, and is as undeniable, unassailable, and unalterable as is the feminine essence of wanting to love and be loved by a dominant man. The woman in my story has declared by her disrespect for my friend, whether intended or not, that she will not be owned. Stay away from women who think this way. They are at war with their feminine souls.
[crypto-donation-box]
