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My Craigslist Pickup Ad

This post is also available in: German

It’s time to reveal the Craigslist ad I use to successfully pick up chicks online. This isn’t a template; it’s pretty much word for word what I post in the M4W section to entice women into my lair. I’m giving it away freely for you to learn from as I have moved on to more direct game.

******

Want it from behind while you play Super Mario Brothers ? – m4w


Date: 2008-07-02, 2:35PM EDT Do you love to play Super Mario Brothers on the Classic Nintendo System? Do you like to get tagged from behind while you do it? This is the post for you then.

You must know your way around the game before we meet, must be open to anal sex, also able to fake an orgasm is a plus.

I will send you the address to a hotel and a room number. When you arrive the door will be open. Please come in close and lock the door and close the shades if they are still open. I will be in the bathroom and the door will be closed. Turn on the TV and the Nintendo. Remove all of your clothing. Turn off all lights in the room and kneel down on the bed so you are directly in the light of the TV. You need to be facing the TV with your butt in the air pointed toward the pillows on the bed.

Press the start button on the controller when you are ready. I will hear the sound and turn the light off in the bathroom and come out. You will not look directly at me, only look at the TV. When the first level starts I will begin to finger you and lick you. I will be using lots of lube as well.

When you reach the end of level one, make sure to trigger the fireworks. This is vital to the entire experience. I must hear the fireworks. When level 2 begins and Mario walks into the pipe, I will penetrate you. You may say things like, “MORE”, “HARDER”, “YES”, “FUCK ME”, but nothing else. I will continue having sex until the level ends. DO NOT take the secret level skip. If you die I will pull out and spank you until the level restarts.

When you reach the flag you must again trigger the fireworks, and also orgasm. I will pull out. When the 1-3 starts I will penetrate your ass. You are allowed to say something like “OH GOD”, “YES”, OR “IT HURTS” no other conversation is allowed.

When level 1-4 starts I will alternate between holes as I see fit. You may beg me to cum inside or outside of you, depending on what you want. When boss falls and you reach the princess I will pull out and blow my load where you have convinced me I want too. You may then say something like “Thanks”, “It was great”, “I loved it”, “Don’t stop”

If I am impressed you may continue playing and I will continue to pleasure you. If I am not, I will turn the Nintendo Off and return to the bathroom. At this time you may clean your self with the towel that is beside the bed. Turn the lights on, redress yourself and leave.

I may come back out and talk to you as you dress but the conversation will most likely be short and revolve around scheduling another time to get together.

******

Note how I leave nothing to chance. Girls love men who are decisive and LEAD. They don’t want to have to ask you what they should do when they get to level 2. Here, I have demonstrated my alpha cred with step-by-step instructions she must follow, and I back it up with the threat of punishment if she deviates — for instance, if she lets her character die. Notice also how I am in complete control in the bedroom. Women happily submit to a man who choreographs the sex like a maestro.

While you may wonder if this ad is a little too forward, you’d be surprised at the success rate I’ve had with it. Cute nerd girls who play video games cannot resist a man who knows what he wants and takes it. They also love an element of mystery. What I did not mention in the ad is the Strong Bad Mexican wrestling mask I wear to accentuate the ambience.

Cost of this bang: $30 for the Motel 6 room.

[crypto-donation-box]

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