Feed on

Dirty Photo Album

If I could give just one piece of advice to my hypothetical son, it would be this:

Never take women seriously.

If I could give him a second piece of advice, it would be this:

Make an indecent photo album of every girl you’ve ever banged.

“Trust me, son,” I will say, “when you’re in your dotage, and all you’ve got is your loving but completely asexual old wife, and the young women walking down the street have stopped returning your flirtations, you’ll thank me when you crack open your dusty dirty digital pics and videos to marvel at… and masturbate to… the fine ass you once tapped.”

“But dad,” he’ll argue, “I want to cherish their memories, not splooge on them. Anyhow, I can always turn to internet porn if I want to get off. In 50 years, it’ll probably be holographic.”

That’s when I’ll explain to him that the best way to cherish past loves is to keep their memories alive and fully expressed through the indomitable tumescence of his stiff cock. What an honor to bestow on a woman! Of all the women in the world… of all the readily available porn… it’s *your* naked pic from 30 years ago, dear love, I choose to stroke off to. And then I’ll remind him how much more satisfying porn is when the featured stars are you and one of your exes in the bloom of youth. Nothing brings back the flood of happy memories like a photo of an ex spread-eagled on the bed, her youthful meatflaps illuminated by the nightvision on your camera.

Given that everyone’s sexual future, once over a certain age, likely will be worse than their past, a dirty photo album of conquests from better days will help ease the pain of encroaching obsolescence. It will remind one of the prowess one once possessed, boosting the ego as well as stirring the loins. In my coffin, I would want my dirty photo album placed tenderly upon my chest, to accompany me to hell.

The dirty photo album also serves a purpose in the present. When you are in a rut, and your game has gone soft, a quick glance at the hotties you scored over the years will fortify your resolve, and invigorate you with the renewed confidence that what you once bedded, you could bed again.


Comments are closed.