This post is also available in: German
In yesterday’s post, I challenged you to describe how you’d go about meeting Coffeehouse Girl. The challenge brought out the creative side in many commenters. There were a lot of suggestions to neg her for using a Mac, which runs the risk of pegging you as a PC nerd if you show any amount of hostility to her choice of computer. Plus, it’s weak sauce. Commenter “Hardcore” suggested the sketch routine, which will work especially well in a relaxed lounge environment. Another commenter would tell the girl to “watch his stuff for a second” while he flirted with the barista on the way to the bathroom. This is known as compliance, and is a common tactic of PUAs *after* they have built attraction. It would not work as an opener. Others noted that if you crashed and burned you would be stuck there sitting in a sofa across from her, creating an uncomfortable vibe. To this I say, are you a man or a David Alexander? Who cares if she’s uncomfortable? If you flame out, just go back to your couch and laptop as if nothing was wrong. Her discomfort is not your moral crisis. She might even like you more for it, and re-open you later.
I’ve picked out a sampling of answers that illustrate the main schools of thought and strategies in dealing with the scenario I laid out.
Pope Goaz D’Weezil wrote:
I put on my robe and wizard hat.
Yes, peacocking will work to grab attention and build intrigue. But where do you go from there?
Grade: Fail, with flair.
What would I do? Simply get up, put my Thinkpad down, walk straight over to her, introduce myself and invite her to join me.
I like the boldness. Direct game has its uses. But this approach relies too much on your looks and the six feet of space you have between you and her to demonstrate your alpha body language.
Grade: Gentleman’s C
With laptops at the ready, just use music sharing as a pretext. Say you are excited about this piece of music you just discovered, and since she has a laptop, too, you wanted to invite her to listen.
This is great for the rapport building stage of attraction, but useless as an opener. Why would she care about some random guy’s taste in music? She will feel like he is forcing a connection before she has had a chance to evaluate his value as a potential mate.
Grade: D, on a girl curve.
That’s the old school way of thinking: hoping to strike up a connection by blindly approaching a hot stranger that you have no other reason to talk to.
If you want to strike up a new romance, be more social and outgoing in your day to day life, or change your routine so that you are around more people.
I’ve chosen some of these comments because I want the men here to witness firsthand how utterly self-deluded women are about game, pickup, and their own sexual desire. Because outside of business settings, men DON’T have a reason to cold approach and talk to women unless it is to get in her pants, or pawn her off to get in the pants of one of her hot friends.
So giesen instead recommends retrofitting your entire life trajectory to become more “social and outgoing”. Yes, screw game. It’s better to busily scramble after a nebulous concept. I think girls spew these kinds of useless empty platitudes because deep down they understand it will keep the betas running endlessly on their hamster wheels, thus ensuring the dating pool of “genuine” alphas stays uncorrupted.
Grade: Epic fail.
For the average guy I would recommend letting 5-10 minutes pass without acknowledging her. This will keep you from being perceived as being too eager and aggressive and also allow her a moment to relax and let her guard down.
Then after the 5-10 minute cooling off period has passed, look for a natural opportunity to say something clever without being offensive. Smile and make eye contact. If she reciprocates and doesn’t get up and walk away – put your laptop aside, sit up, maintain eye contact and a smile and make conversation. If she reciprocates again – slowly and delicately introduce an appropriate level of game, but don’t completely turn into something you’re not – and don’t get so wrapped up in your own performance that you lose sight of how YOU feel about her as you get to know more about her.
The problem with waiting for her to “settle in” is that you risk get pegged as a cowardly beta ogler. Better to not wait long enough than to wait too long. The rest of what Brandy wrote is fine as far as traditional, passive game is concerned — make eye contact, wait for reciprocation, smile, wait for reciprocation, strike up a conversation, wait for reciprocation. It’s the game of second-place finishers who don’t want to stick their necks out and reach for the brass ring. I can tell you that if you play the game by these “girl rules” you’ll wind up banging the easy marks — the girls who like you, rather than the girls you like. You’ve gotta risk rejection to get what you really desire.
Grade: Passing, barely.
My favorite thing to get a girl interested after an introduction though is asking her a question – something innocuous like what she’s working on or what she’s drinking, and then generally regardless of her answer saying something like “Oh, so you’re one of THOSE people.”
Don’t ask innocuous questions as an opener. Again, this falls under forced rapport, and will aggravate her. Johnnyfive suggests in the comments that you *begin* with “OH, so you’re one of THOSE people.” I agree.
Grade: Mincing little fail.
Sebastian Flyte wrote:
Pretend you just got an email a second ago then use a conventional opener off of it. Laugh a little, as if you’re just reading it, then spontaneously look up and say ‘Hey, my friend was really drunk the other night and texted an ex saying he loved her, he just emailed/aimed (aim-ed might be more realistic) saying that he told her it was just the alcohol talking… I’m not sure though, do you think drunk I love you’s count?”
This is a good opener, but remember that she is sitting six feet from you in a large, acoustically-unfavorable room. You’ll still have to get her attention somehow and then talk loudly across the coffee table. If she leans forward to listen, you’ve gotten an indicator of interest, but what if she remains slouched in her sofa, straining to hear you?
“Don’t you find it difficult?”, “Uh, find what difficult?”, “Getting anything done in this place. I saw you poring over your laptop trying sooo hard to shut it all out. *impersonates via exaggerated brow furrowing* Like that girl in 8th grade who’s trying to take notes on the goofy cartoon movie dubbed in French, but can’t because Donald Duck sounds even more psychotic in Francais.” Smirk.
The problem with the clever opener is the risk of being perceived as trying too hard. This is particularly the case if your clever line requires a teleprompter and ten minutes to spit out. Sure, she’ll admire your impressive intellect, but that doesn’t always translate into wet pussy. Stick to cocky, short and sweet.
An improvement on this opener:
“Don’t you find it difficult?”
“Uh, find what difficult?”
“Writing the next great American novel while trying to catch guys flirting with you.”
Grade: C for the exaggerated cleverness.
Grade: A for the smirk.
I’d walk over and say “Yo, gimme your email so I can walk back to my seat and spam the SHIT outta you.” with a dead serious expression.
T for the win.
Jesus Lizard wrote:
I would very surreptitiously take a peek up her skirt and get a panties shot – this is very important. (C’mon, this is a hypothetical and in my world its a girl in a very short skirt and her Macbook is providing me excellent shield). If I like what I see, then I take it to step two of my two step process, which is, look over at her, get her attention, maintain eye-contact for 1, maybe 10 seconds longer than that which is comfortable for her (again, in my hypo I can mesmerize women), then ever so slowly raise my right hand in the formation of a faux-claw pointed in her direction, and in precise unison, do a cat-like swipe, purr-hiss combination right at her. Let me just say this.. it works.
You should always screen a girl by peeking up her skirt.
Grade: F, but I laughed.
Leer, then query “Am I the only one with a itchy poop-chute in this joint ?” in a knowing fashion, while attempting a wink that winds up looking like an uncontrollable facial tic.
The spastic wink where both eyes close is especially effective.
Grade: A, if she’s an anal-obsessed freak. Otherwise, F-.
Racer X wrote:
The best game is this: ignore and conquer. Being the one guy in the room who shows no interest in her will make her think about you all the more.
Feigning indifference won’t work on indifferent girls.
Grade: A, if this was meant to be sarcastic. Otherwise, D- for relying on your looks.
Kick a Bitch wrote:
I’d shit my pants and throw feces at her.
If you play the Law of Large Numbers game, then there’s gotta be a 1 in a billion girl who would fall for this.
Grade: E for effort.
Anonymous threatened female posing as a guy wrote:
Personally I see you “alpha/game males” as huge fucking losers. Especially the ones “learning the game” and spouting off your little quotes and theory. You always seem to be adopting different personalities. I’ve always believed if you have to change who you are to get the attention of a woman, you lose. Plain and simple.
One thing I’ve noticed from reading this webpage (and the comments especially) is it seems to me that many “students of the game” are hyper-overanalyzers (yes, that is redudant, but you guys overanalyze SO much) and seem to think/feel/need extraordinary structure in terms of “what to do” in order to be able to function.
What if who you are is the cause of your celibacy? Then change is warranted, no? Should Charles Manson have stayed “who he was” because by doing so he would have adhered to your righteously moralistic worldview? Or should he have tried to be a better, non-murderous person? It’s easy to preach from the dichotomous pulpit you’re glued to — you’re either a natural comfortable in his own skin, or a loser learning game and being someone he’s not. But that is a false premise. Learning game is like learning a foreign language. You don’t become a different person just because you taught yourself German. Dummkopf!
This pseudo-argument you’re presenting has been knocking around in the heads of the sneering disbelievers for a long time, so I don’t expect you to see the light. But I do want to make an example of you so betas who might fall for your inane bromides aren’t sucked into believing their fates are hopeless.
Let’s be clear. The only difference between a natural alpha and a “student of the game” is level of self-awareness. Some guys do allow their systematizing nerdiness to carry them off into overanalyzing creepland, but that is not evidence that game doesn’t work. There is a learning curve, and after enough practice the skills become so second-nature that you wouldn’t be able to tell the difference between a natural and a guy who made a conscious, deliberate effort to learn how to pick up women.
and he also showed me this cube game about 2 years ago, and it was ridiculously stupid.
That “ridiculously stupid” cube game is chick crack. But you’d know this if you weren’t an ugly girl posing as a guy who felt threatened by guys learning game and exercising the choice of ignoring you in favor of higher quality girls.
What I did:
Me: [Getting up and walking over to her side of the coffee table] I noticed you’ve been hoarding the sugar packs over here. [Grabbing one] If you wanted an excuse to talk to me, you could have just said Hi.
Her: [smiling] I’m pretty sure those were here when I got here.
Me: Likely story. I’m gonna go sit back down and answer some important emails from people seeking dating advice. I may ask for your opinion later. Sometimes a girl’s perspective helps. [Walk back]
Her: [10 minutes later] You still gonna ask me about your emails?
Me: Hmm? Oh, yeah… you won’t believe this one. Come here, check this out.
You’ll have to amuse yourselves with what happened next.