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In my final installment I will discuss methods for dealing with Clio’s last, and scariest, femme fatale.

The Amazonian Alpha (AKA Lawyer Chick)

This woman, along with the Eternal Ingenue, is the most likely of all femme fatale types to be perceived as an Iconic Woman. But whereas the Eternal Ingenue inspires dreams of perpetual love and happiness, the Amazonian Alpha inspires, in those who fall in love with her, dreams of glory, of being raised above all the ordinary people who mill around on the face of the earth. She is the Maverick Alpha’s natural mate [Editor’s note: think John and Cindy McCain], although she may choose a more ordinary Classic Alpha. Often she is unable to find a man she considers worthy of her, and may remain single.

Yes, Amazonian Alphas who don’t get married before it’s too late are the most likely to wind up frightening middle-aged women alone in mansions on hilltops with their pet german shepherds and classical music. The less prideful ones will become cougars — very VERY aggressive cougars who will stroke your chest on the slimmest pretense.

The Amazonian Alpha is usually very intelligent and generally beautiful or at least physically impressive, being statuesque of build, like Maud Gonne, the Irish nationalist who made Yeats miserable, and often athletic as well. […]

My experience with Amazonian Alphas I have dated is that many of them have striking facial bone structure and an often exotic beauty. They are never “cute” or pretty in the dull, washed-out, southern sorority sister way. They have the kind of angular looks and prominent features that a sizeable minority of men will not find attractive. They are usually taller than average and wear heels everywhere and know how to walk in them. You will never see an Amazonian wear flip-flops. She’d sooner submit to a beta male like yourself.

In social life, she can be often recognised as the lone woman talking with a large group of men, men who laugh at her jokes and who may anxiously ask her opinion about public affairs and actually listen to what she says about them. Random men sledom try to ogle or touch her, because however beautiful she may be she has a steely eye or haughty deportment that does not bode well for men who behave disrespectfully to her. Her great virtue is strength of character: she will not readily back down and is usually possessed of physical and moral courage. Her great weakness is pride, which may lead her to serious errors in judgment.

Because Amazonians are the product of the union of a successful alpha male and his beautiful wife, they often inherit their fathers’ blazing intelligence, cocksure attitude, and ambition. If they are lucky, they will inherit their mothers’ beauty, but this doesn’t always happen. More than a few alpha females look like drag queens in pantsuits.

Men are scared to tangle with the Amazonian because it feels like locking horns with a gung-ho man. They may be nice to look at, but their afeminine ballbusting personalities can be a total turn-off. Stubborn as mules, bloated egos that need constant stroking, and a keen sixth sense for smoking out suitors of bad character, the Amazonian inspires men to treat her like another man as often as a woman to be seduced. If she’s smart, she learns to temper her masculine essence to entrap men of high quality, because studies are showing that very masculine men with high testosterone are more attracted to very feminine women.

The Alpha Amazon will almost certainly be a Daddy’s Girl, but unlike the Neurotic Heartbreaker, her relationship with her father will not have been interrupted by early death or marital breakdown. Unlike the Eternal Ingenue, her father is probably also a very successful man, a dominant Alpha male who was either born to money and power or who acquired it through his own drive or gifts.

Spot on. I remember this one cunt lawyer chick I dated who rhapsodized about her father on our first date:

“He’s a professor at the University of Chicago, and he’s a classical pianist. He’s played in symphonies. He’s got patents on some of his inventions.”

I believe she used the word “redoubtable” in her high praise of him. My penis tucked itself in my ass crack.

Which reminds me… I haven’t torn a new one in lawyer chicks in a while. Where’s my thesaurus?

The Amazonian Alpha, although she may break many hearts, is perhaps alone among all the Heartbreaker types catalogued here in that she very rarely does so deliberately, nor out of subconscious neurotic compulsion. Her great problem, and the reason she finds herself breaking hearts, is the one summarized in Sheryl Crow’s lament, “Are you strong enough to be my man?”

You will endure the WORST shit tests from the Amazonian Alpha. Lesser men will retreat into belligerence or submissive shoe-gazing. Budding alphas just starting out in the game will overcompensate and allow the brinksmanship to carry on too long, thinking that sparring with her is the best way to get her in bed. David Alexander will get turned on and swap railfanning stories with her.

She will not respect a man who is not strong enough for her, and will spend at least part of her life surrounded by male admirers who are not quite equal to her in ability or dominance, who fight a bit desperately for her notice. Diana Mitford had this problem: she married a sweet-natured, rather passive man, mainly to escape from her parents’ control, and soon after humiliated him by choosing the Maverick Alpha male Oswald Mosley as a lover and publicly flaunting their relationship. Once she married Mosley, she accepted his dominance and his infidelities.

This is the interesting thing about women (yes, all women). If her man is strong enough and gets her thoroughly wet, she’ll forgive his sins despite her moral posturing. But woe be the beta who can’t get her wet; even his minor sins will forever be wielded like a cudgel, beating him mercilessly into submission, extracting the last ounce of tribute from his shattered psyche, and used as flimsy pretext to commit ten times worse sins against him. Which brings us to…

Maxim #10: It’s pussy wetness uber alles.

A woman’s shifting, squirrelly morality and conditional umbrage is also proof of another fact of evolutionary psychology — men’s infidelity is not nearly as harmful or unacceptable as women’s infidelity. I’ll leave it as an exercise for the reader to figure out why this is so.

Alpha Amazons tend to have more male than female friends, and to be more at ease in the company of men, partly because unlike so many women they don’t mind arguing or fighting for their point of view, behaviour that makes many women uneasy.

If an Amazonian Alpha has female friends, she will be THE MOST CHALLENGING cockblock you will ever have the displeasure to encounter. I hope you sacked up before opening her group.

If you find yourself competing with a woman’s father; if you find that you are always wondering if you are good enough for her, then it is possible that you have found an Alpha Amazon.


Maxim #45: Daddy’s girls are status whores. You will never measure up to her father. Don’t even try.

Corollary: Not trying will turn her on. Be indifferent to her father’s accomplishments.

I told the lawyer chick from the above conversation that her father’s life sounded “full”, and then I quickly changed the subject. I banged her that evening.

If you are a masochist who likes women with vestigial penises, then by all means knock yourself out with the Amazonian Alpha. This is what you need to keep in mind to seduce her:

  • DON’T accept her challenges. Parry and dance blithely around her provocations. Thwart her programming. The frame of mind you want to adopt: She is inferior to you. No bitch gets uppity with you.
  • DON’T answer shit test with shit test ad infinitum. She can do that all night, and you can’t. Pass the first few shit tests she throws out (and Amazonians front load their shit tests, unlike Ingenues and Neurotics who shit test forever and ever) and then tell her “Look, you don’t have to be this way. Ssshhh. It’s time for us to talk like human beings now.” The goal is to arouse her pussy, not her pride, and not her intellect.
  • DON’T brag about your achievements, especially in response to her own gleefully recounted resume. She will see any bragging as compensation. It’s actually better for you to make light of your station in life. “Yeah, I just bought a new scooter. You’ll be the belle of the ball showing up riding in the flower basket I put over the handlebars!”.
  • DON’T be ordinary. You can coast with drinks at a trendy lounge with an artsy chick, but you’ll want to step it up for an Amazonian. Take her on an adventure. Samba dancing at midnight, bingo at a gay club, berry picking in the countryside… you get the idea.
  • DON’T be beta. This is true for any woman, but never moreso than with the Alpha chick. You’ve gotta show real dominance, and that means never asking questions, being decisive, leading her on the dance floor, and choosing her drinks for her. She will try to push you around, probing for weak spots in your underbelly, and you have to stay solid, armored, like a concrete bunker.
  • DON’T talk about her father.
  • DO stroke her ego. This is really the only type of girl you can genuinely compliment on the first date without seeming beta. Keep your compliments focused on her smarts and her life-affirming gusto. She’ll eat it up.
  • DO qualify her hard. You won’t run the risk of overqualifying yourself with this girl like you would with the other types of femmes fatales. Remember, she already thinks she is above you, so constantly screening her for compatibility will only push her closer to your level, never below it. Example: “So you can cook, but you don’t know how to cook Thai-Mongolian fusion? I would’ve thought of all the girls I’ve met you would be the one who could.”
  • DO fuck her like a silverback gorilla. Hair pulling is just the start. Practice your wind-up; you’re going to be smacking her ass so hard your dick will feel the sting in her pussy.
  • DO dump her after getting your rocks off. Why would you want to spend your life with a nutcrushing battleaxe like this?

Dating ballbusters has really hardened me. I’m a better man for it.


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