This post is also available in: German
This is the second installment of reader mailbag. If you do not want your question made public on the blog, say so specifically in your email, and I’ll keep my answer to you private.
I need some advice, care to help a gal from Canada?
I met this guy about 6 months ago. We get along great! We have so much fun together, we laugh so much when we’re together so overall it’s been really amazing (the sexual chemistry is amazing too). The problem: I want more and he won’t give me more!! He makes up random excuses whenever I tell him I want more. It’s so frustrating! I came to the point where I told him that we shouldn’t talk/hang out anymore. He agreed but then called me cuz he missed me and said, “why can’t we continue hanging out, we have so much fun together”. He also dates other women…and then tells me about it, which makes me so sad and mad at the same time. I just don’t get it…I’m such an amazing catch!! I’m super cute, independent, fun, funny, easy going (unless I want a committment-haha!), not materialistic, caring, accommodating (esp. in the bedroom, his needs are always met), and a whole bunch of other wonderful stuff! It just blows my mind that he wouldn’t want more. It’s frustrating. So, I told him I was going to date other men (he told me that was a good idea), which I am doing but I’m in love with him, it’s so frustrating because all I want to do is make him happy and take care of him the best that I know how and he’s not interested. do you think i’m crazy? I know i deserved to be with someone who appreciates me and doesn’t take me for granted and it’s not hard for me to meet other men, but the problem is…I want HIM!
He told me that he has issues with trust. But I’m like the most trustworthy person out there…do u think he’s just playing games with me?
You’ve come to the right plane of hell, my child. Let me get this out of the way, like a quick pull of the Brazilian wax strip. Whenever it’s the guy making excuses to avoid sex one of three things is going on.
- He’s impotent or has a low libido.
- He’s found someone else and his balls are too drained to give you the rogering you deserve.
- He has stopped finding you attractive and has substituted porn for your warm hole.
Judging by your writing style I’d guess you are very young, so the odds of your boyfriend having a low libido are slim. Even if he’s much older than you, your hot young bod will spring him to action in a way that an older woman could not.
It sounds more like a combination of 2 and 3. He’s already told you point blank that he dates around, and yet you act as if this is no big deal and shouldn’t affect your relationship with him or his desire to have sex with you on demand. Are you looking to be in his harem’s first or second tier? You’re blinded by your bruised ego and have stopped seeing the forest for the trees. I’ll spell it out for you:
You’re not his number one girl.
You are one of many pussies he is banging.
He no longer feels the need to do anything for you because you slop up his runny shit and beg for more.
You are his safety school. Second fiddle. Back of the line. Slow dial booty call. Fleshlight.
I say this out of love.
“He also dates other women…and then tells me about it, which makes me so sad and mad at the same time.”
…and horny. Admit it.
Note to the men reading: This is how you manage multiple long term relationships. Just tell your girl about every date you go on, then sit back and enjoy the fruits of your pimpdom.
“I just don’t get it…I’m such an amazing catch!!”
Another Stuart Smalley acolyte heard from.
“I’m super cute, independent, fun, funny, easy going (unless I want a committment-haha!), not materialistic, caring, accommodating (esp. in the bedroom, his needs are always met), and a whole bunch of other wonderful stuff!”
Why don’t you just lick the sweat off his moist hairy balls? You believe your value is lower than his and so you try to please him without asking for anything in return but more enthusiasm for fucking you. This type of dynamic makes for the strongest relationships because women want to be the ones working for approval, but there must be some balance in the dominance-submission force. The more you make yourself his lackey the less he will think you are worthy of his gratitude. Play a little hard to get if you feel you are not getting want you want from him. If that doesn’t work then you have no choice but to ovary up and end it.
“So, I told him I was going to date other men (he told me that was a good idea),”
First, your posturing was passive-aggressive. Pouting and telling him you are going to date other men is an admission of defeat. He knows you are lashing out at him in pain, and this will only strengthen his power over you, which you can see it has by his cheeky nonchalant reply. Your better move would have been to tell him you love him, but want to spend some time apart from him to think things through. Then cut off all contact. If he calls you, you’ll now be in a position to dictate better terms for yourself.
“it’s so frustrating because all I want to do is make him happy and take care of him the best that I know how and he’s not interested.”
And that is why you want to service him like a cheap Belarusian whore. Your female reptilian hindbrain is tricking you. You don’t want to make him happy, you want to make yourself happy through him. But relying on others for your happiness is a surefire way to remain unhappy. Newsflash: He will never be interested.
“He told me that he has issues with trust.”
Of course he does. Because he knows what it’s like to break it. The world is our mirror.
“do u think he’s just playing games with me?”
It’s worse than that. This relationship was dead the second he gave you carte blanche to date other men. You are officially his downtime sperm receptacle. Time to hit the field. Go Flirt With Ten Other Guys (GFWTOG). Wear something sexy and head to the nearest bus depot immediately.
Hey, got a little situation and wanted to solicit your insight once more (yup, you’ve gone from blogger to counselor). To keep it short, I’m in grad school with this girl that I used to think was a complete bitch. She seemed a little too opinionated, took herself too seriously, etc. Somehow, though, we’ve recently become kind of cool and I’m kinda diggin her. She’s about a year older than I but acts a little older. Anyway, we’re kind of at that crucial tipping point where things could go either way and I wanted your thoughts on how best to avoid getting trapped in the friendship box. Whatever you’ve got to offer would be most appreciated.
Grad school girls are almost uberbitches to a woman. Think about what kind of girl decides to pursue postgraduate education. Hint: It’s not the most feminine type. So if you’re going to move on this girl, you’ll need to attack her with very strong masculine energy. “We’ve recently become kind of cool” is not gonna cut it, romcom therapyboy. Farting around like a junior high A/V club nerdling waiting for that perfect moment when the planets align and the moon reflects off her eyes like a big pizza pie to bust a move is asking for failure. Young MC wept.
Also, don’t lie to yourself. You didn’t kinda start “diggin her” after you got to know her. You were diggin her the moment you laid eyes on her cute face, tight rump, and pert tits. Your initial assessment of her as a “complete bitch” is a common defensive maneuver among the invertebratia to shield the ego from outright rejection. Every hot girl is a complete bitch to every guy she meets unless she likes him. It’s how they keep the hordes of betas at bay. You want super duper friendly? Hang out with fat chicks.
“Anyway, we’re kind of at that crucial tipping point where things could go either way and I wanted your thoughts on how best to avoid getting trapped in the friendship box.”
Tipping point? Did you pull out a protractor and measure the angle of her emotions? Come on, man, rule #1: Chicks know within MINUTES of meeting you whether you are mating material. From that point it’s your job to not fuck it up.
I’ve got good news and bad news.
Bad news: You’ve already been LJBF’ed.
Good news: Now you know.
The only way to reverse an LJBF (and it’s not easy) is complete removal of yourself from her life for a few weeks, followed by a major pickup offensive… guns blazing, tanks rolling, hands groping, game spitting. You’ve gotta make yourself less available, make her miss you. Then, when your disappearing act has rewired her brain just enough to flip the switch in a new direction, you have her meet you at your favorite bar while you’re flirting with another girl. It’s important that she sees you enjoying the company of other women.
Then, game her like you just approached her. Trust me, she’ll be pissed and confused when the new, ballsy you pulls the friendship rug out from under her. You’ve got no choice if you want to succeed in changing her opinion of you from friend to potential lover. Callous disregard for her expectations is essential. There’s a good chance you’ll lose her entirely, but that shouldn’t matter to you. It’s really win-win. Either you bed her, or you salvage your dignity.
And for fuck’s sake, don’t talk about grad school. That’ll just remind her of the old neutered you. If she brings it up, tell her you’re not interested and you’re here to have fun.
You have a very interesting and entertaining blog, which I just recently discovered.
Question: I am sure you have mentioned this before, but wouldn’t people who read your blog with any degree of regularity be considered “betas”? People who take vicarious pleasure in the exploits of an alpha male sexual predator, hero, whatever? Why would an alpha bother to read your blog?
Are people who read stock tip blogs poor? Some are, some aren’t. Everyone wants an edge, so some are betas looking for their first love, some are alphas looking to run the table. If I had to put percentages on my readership, I’d guess 60% were classic beta males, 20% alpha males, 15% chicks who dig me for my devilish charm, and 5% dizzy clones. Oh, and Tyler Cowen reads regularly (Hi Mrs. Cowen!).
PS: Vicarious pleasure-taking is weak sauce. Any girls who want to take pleasure in my exploits directly can reach me at:
666 Dante Blvd.