Feed on

95% of the time when a girl spurns your advances she will do it in the mildest possible way, to spare feelings and to avoid angering a potentially unstable man (hopefully you, tiger!). But once in a while a really nasty bitch will let slip the shroud of politeness, revealing the scalding acid of true cuntiness underneath, and shoot you down harshly. When this happens, it is important to have a canned retort ready to fire back, or to rely on your innate wits if you have them, and completely shatter her expectation of your reaction.

Doing so affords you the opportunity to walk away with your dignity intact while getting in a dig at her expense and making her look the fool, or even better to reverse her shitty attitude 180 degrees into attraction for you.

Here are some excellent retorts you can toss out in response to commonly used bitchy rejections. Note: These are actual approach rejections that I have either experienced myself over the years or overheard being used on my wingmen.

  • “Ugh, Im not interested.”

“So you’re not going to buy me a drink?”

“So you’re not going to move out of the way so I can talk to that girl over there/get a drink/say hi to your friend?”

“So you don’t want to be on Girls Gone Wild?”

  • “Really, that’s the best you can do?”

“For now.”

“For you, nothing but my second best.”

  • “Go away.”

“Actually, I came over here to tell you that guy over there [point to ugliest/fattest guy in the room] thinks you’re cute.”

“Whoa, I was gonna see if you were interested in my lesbian friend.” [This works surprisingly well because she’ll wonder why you thought she was gay.]

“Does this mean the wedding’s off? That’s too bad. I’ve been dreaming about my wedding day since I was two.”

  • “That’s the worst pickup line I’ve ever heard.”

“And like a bad but catchy tune, you’ll remember it for days and hate yourself for it.”

“Oh believe me, there’s a lot worse where that came from. Consider yourself lucky.”

  • “Take a picture, it’ll last longer.”

“I would but you broke the lens.” [Be careful with this one. Best to deliver it way over the top like a teasing child.]

  • “Whatever you’re going to say, it won’t work.”

“So there’s no chance you’ll do my laundry?”

“Actually, it already has.” [Walk away.]

“Who brought their little sister to the bar?”

  • “I don’t want to be bothered.”

“The library’s down the street.”

  • “I’m out of your league.”

“Not with those shoes you’re not.”

“The league of brattiness? Yes.”

  • “I’m busy with my friends.”

“Plotting to get into my pants? I just look easy.”


Like a good boy scout, always be prepared.


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