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How Zeets the Throwback Barbarian was able to hold the camera steady when encountering this mysterious and frightening creature deep in the woods is a testament to his nipples of drop-forged steel. You never saw that much hard nipple on a man.

I went on a hike trying to escape civilization and its discontents for a few hours. It’s important for a man to get away from women before he imbibes too much estrogen and loses touch with his inner ballsack. You want to retreat to places most women dare not tread.

running won't reverse a barren womb

Unfortunately, the woods of Rock Creek Park isn’t deep enough. Yes, this jogging woman is blabbing into her cell phone, probably scolding her beta boyfriend to remember to pick up cat litter. This is her on the return trip of her run. She had jogged by us going the opposite direction a half hour earlier with the cell phone glued to her ear, ruining the sounds of nature with her obnoxious voice. I’ll leave it as an exercise for the reader to determine what it says about a person who can’t put down the fucking cell for one minute while surrounded by natural beauty.

I say we reintroduce wolves to the Northeast wilds. That’ll keep the yuppie broads out.

getting close to nature

Another nature girl with a cell in the woods. Remember this when a chick waits a day to return your call. They bring their cell phones on nature hikes because they can’t bear to miss a call; they got your message.

This woman was cool though. She had a thoroughbred horse with her that ran for three years at the Belmont racetrack. What a magnificent stallion.

try your hand in the Wood Beast

Tree vagina. What I do to women after they have experienced my oak-like girth.

had enough

A tree suicide pact.

My soul is nourished. Back to Tryst to peer over laptops at cute girls.

[crypto-donation-box]

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