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Sex Makes Me Sick

This post is also available in: German

Or, at least, I suspect it compromises my immune system and makes me more vulnerable to germs than I normally would be. The problem is that it’s hard to tease out the primary causes — it could be the drinking, which often goes hand in hand with the sex, especially if you’re getting action on the prowl. Relationship sex is mostly sober unless your relationship is dysfunctional. It could be the mingling of fluids and exhaled breath. Or maybe it’s a general weakening that happens when precious sperm leaves its home.

I know someone who fucks for hours at a time but refrains from ejaculating, pausing when the moment of imminence arrives, and starting up again when it’s passed. (I can do this. The trick is to squeeze hard at the base of the shaft when you’re about to cum. It shuts the hydraulics off. Timing is everything.) He does this for one or two week cycles, at the end of each cycle I assume he unloads with a blast that could drill a hole in drywall. He swears this gives him more energy and a feeling of invincibility from all the testosterone that builds up, and is supposed to slow the aging process.

Vitamins and anti-oxidants like grape seed extract have been ineffectual.

My choice:

Swear off sex for six months to recalibrate my immune system and return to the field desperate and horny, but healthy.


Continue fucking as my lifeforce drains out of me and I die prematurely from the common cold.

PSA: Viagra is weak. I recommend ordering yohimbe from India where they manufacture a more potent form of this natural “male enhancer”. It will make your shaft feel like adamantine and the tip extra-sensitive.


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