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It is late in the night and two grown men are driving home from the clubs. Navigating cop cars and pedestrians on Columbia Road, we notice a couple of bicyclists on our right. Nearing the first bicyclist we can’t help but trumpet a horny ode to her luscious figure 8 derriere as she pedals hard in the chill air.
“Hey man, over there. What an ass on her! The cheeks just hug the shit out of that bike seat. Look at the way the ass globes move up and down in perfect harmony.”
“Love that ponytail. It says all the right things — grab the reins while you pound me.”
We drive past her.
“Dude, she’s hot! Face to match the ass. So many cute DC bike babes.”
We approach the second biker from behind.
“Whoa, another one. Check out this chick. Beautiful blonde hair. I love long blonde hair. Look at those jeans pulled down low.”
“Niiice, I see some white panties poking out! Is that plumber’s crack? Sweeeeeeet.”
We drive slowly by the second biker.
“AUUUGHHH!!! It’s a dude! Oh man, fuck! AUUUUGGGHHHH! What the fuck!? What dude wears his hair like that??”
“FUCK! SHIT! UGH! I’m hitting the lesbian porn as soon as I get home. Pull your pants up you hipster slob! Night ruined!”