Here are my opinions of the sexual and relationship compatibilities of girls with the following jobs:
ADDENDUM:
Some of the commenters mentioned I left interns and staffers off the list. I count these girls as part of the hr/marketing/pr brigade except they are burdened with much bigger egos, self-righteousness, and workaholic issues. They all secretly want to hook up with an older powerful man. They disdain artist types.
SSR: full erection (come on, they’re all under 23. rigidity guaranteed)
LTPR: varies (are you a congressman? lock her in. if not, use her and lose her)
It was an oversight by me to leave off saleswomen. See: Lawyer and HR/Marketing/PR. Much depends on how well she does in sales. Because sales is so inegalitarian in how the field dispenses its rewards, you have to make a distinction between weekend warriors and the true success stories. Is she a dilettante real estate agent? She’ll be grounded and feminine. Consider a long term investment in her. Did she turn $250K in commissions as a pharm sales rep? She’s just as alpha and ballcutting masculine as the BIGLAW lawyer. Just remember, if she can compete with the most aggressive MEN and still come out on top, her vagina is coated with radioactive juices.
Note on lawyers: Just because she may work for a non-profit doesn’t make her a kinder, gentler woman. In fact, some of the most cutthroat lawyers work at non-profits since those positions are in demand and in short supply. Moralism and megalomania is never a good combination.
Lawyer
Amoral alpha males with vaginas. Their yin is so deeply buried they spend all their free time (2 hours per week) fantasizing about a powerful dominant man releasing their inner woman. This is your cue to ratchet up the assholery. Outside of i-bankers and fashionistas, you will not meet a more materialistic or status-conscious chick than a lawyer. When she inevitably starts talking about what law school she attended and politicos she knows, put your finger up to her mouth and say “shhh… stop. from now on we will talk about happy things. tell me only the good things that come to mind about your childhood.” Most lawyer chicks have large clits which they use to pin you down on the bed. Making love to a lawyer means facefucking her till she pukes a little. The gods of karmic retribution will be pleased with this. Lawyers are always fucking over everyone else so this is your chance to return the favor. Proceed with great relish.
Sexual Satisfaction Rating: 4/5th erection
Long Term Potential Rating: don’t be a masochist
Human Resources/Marketing/Public Relations (99% of all women)
Since so many women work in these preposterous fields, it is hard to say anything definitive about them as romantic partners. The only conclusions we can draw are that these women are people-persons (shocker!) and have ADD. They could not sit still for a minute and reduce a fraction if their lives depended on it. They are intuitive and fiercely catty, but also practical. In fact, conventional wisdom to the contrary notwithstanding, women are more practical than men. Let her believe you think her job is important and she will spread her legs for you unbidden.
Sexual Satisfaction Rating: 2/3rd erection
Long Term Potential Rating: 3/4 carat
Engineer (0.00001% of all women)
If there was ever an occupation created solely for the benefit of a man’s intellectual strengths, engineering is it. So right off the bat you know that any female engineer will be weird. Not necessarily assertively masculine like the female lawyer, but not typically feminine either. Female engineers are the Holy Grail of male nerddom. Every nerdo anime fanboy with Dungeon Master on his resume dreams of meeting and falling in love with a cute nerdgirl WHO IS EXACTLY LIKE HIM so that his autistic social retardation doesn’t get pushed to the breaking point like it would with a normal girl.
Minus: fornication mysteriously happens in between lengthy dissertations on string theory.
Plus: she can assume sex positions within a millimeter of spec.
Sexual Satisfaction Rating: 1/4th erection
Long Term Potential Rating: 5 carats
Elementary School Teacher
Pure gold. Put this girl on your short list for long term commitment. What’s not to love about the elementary school teacher? Cute, thin (it’s a workout chasing kids all day), ultra feminine, nurturing, selfless, caring, and most importantly blessedly low maintenance due to the nature of her workplace environment sequestering her from the attentions of men. The best ones teach 1st through 5th grades. Women who supervise daycare are too toddler-focused and will love the kids more than you. You will soon tire of her coo-ing at every baby you both pass by. High school teachers are too stressed out from their job to properly service your manly needs at home. Don’t bother with college professors unless you think foreplay is listening to an earful of pomo feminist shrillness.
Bonus: teachers don’t make much money so your financial status will always be higher, guaranteeing a long and healthy relationship.
Sexual Satisfaction Rating: 3/4th erection
Long Term Potential Rating: hope diamond (she’s not gonna have much opportunity to cheat at work)
Nurse
See: elementary school teacher. One caveat — the nurse is secretly a status whore. Patients lean on her all day for comfort and assistance so when she gets home she wants nothing more for herself than a high status alpha male to lean on. That is why you will often see nurses pairing up with military officers, stockbrokers, and executives. The superfeminine gravitates to the supermasculine. Surprisingly, nurses and doctors rarely date — perhaps they look for a partner in whom they can escape the human suffering they deal with on the clock, and not be reminded of it at home.
Sexual Satisfaction Rating: 1/3rd erection (full erection if she wears the nurse outfit)
Long Term Potential Rating: cubic zirconia (it’s fun to fool status whores)
Scientist
Hidden gem. The female scientist is reserved, taciturn, introspective, shy, and when they put some effort into how they look, cute — all wonderful traits for a woman to possess. They ambitiously pursue abstract ideas, not material goals or oneupsmanship, so status competition with them will be minimal. They are smart in the way people like their smarties — inwardly directed as opposed to outwardly manipulative. This is a result of their smarts being spread out over both brain hemispheres rather than concentrated in just the right like most women. The scientist’s natural creativity and systematizing impulse will express itself with magnificent attention to detail in the bedroom. You will never get a better… or more meticulous… blowjob.
Minus: she is ultimately rational and will give you exactly six months to propose. No stringing along this chick.
Sexual Satisfaction Rating: serviceable chubby
Long Term Potential Rating: 3 carats (frumpy clothes and dorky competition encourage fidelity)
Stripper
Have you ever seen an unhappy man dating a stripper? The novelty, bragging rights, and earthshattering sex are worth the drama.
Sexual Satisfaction Rating: titanium rod
Long Term Potential Rating: hide your valuables
Journalist
Don’t ask me why but for some reason these girls have absolutely no personal ethical code whatsoever. Which may be why the journalism profession is in such disarray today and trusted by no one. The she-journo will fuck around remorselessly with a dashing embed while her fiancee waits loyally at home for her return.
Sexual Satisfaction Rating: 3/4th erection
Long Term Potential Rating: 1/24 carat
Artist
Every man should experience at least once in his life the joy of dating an artist chick. Painters, photographers, singers, freelance fiction writers, actresses… their exuberant lovemaking will spoil you for all other women. Their beautiful romantic gestures will capture your heart. Their craving for intimacy and their wellspring of empathy will draw you in. And then right at the moment you fall deepest for her you will catch her one night frenching a half-shaven DJ at a seedy club.
Sexual Satisfaction Rating: titanium rod minus refractory period
Long Term Potential Rating: cracker jack box ring
CEO
Are you fucking kidding me?
Sexual Satisfaction Rating: flaccid
Long Term Potential Rating: why bother?
Waitress
That’s more like it.
Sexual Satisfaction Rating: 7/8th erection
Long Term Potential Rating: 1/2 carat
Blogger
If she writes a confessional online diary, expect her to be passive-aggressive, petty, moody, cruel, untrustworthy, vengeful, and highly libidinous. Make a sex tape as soon as it is feasible so you can use it as blackmail in the event of post-breakup threats to out your dirty laundry on her blog.
Sexual Satisfaction Rating: N/A
Long Term Potential Rating: N/A
I hope it hasn’t escaped anyone’s notice that sexual satisfaction and long term potential are inversely related.
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