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YaReally (yes, really!) writes about an effective strategy for neutralizing competitor alpha males.
Also on a psychological side note, as a guy who’s been shot down in front of his buddies much worse a ton and watched the alphas REPEATEDLY telling the stories to anyone who will listen because they know certain stories legitimately embarrassed me and that it would get to me and throw me off and ruin my night (what assholes, right? Keep reading lol…):
The reason you took it personally is that your Ego (the Freudian one, tho I’m shitting all over his actual definitions just to make the point faster lol) took itself too seriously. It built up an Identity of “I’m a gentleman who respects women and would never be one of those creepy horny bar guys who wants to get in a girls pants!” and she and he both dug the needle right into that nerve on you, so you reacted terrified, embarrassed, angry, frustrated, humiliated, etc and instinctively your Ego tried to defend itself and keep that Identity together.
Every time your friend repeated tha story, it was like another little “see this guy’s Identity he’s so proud of and has tried to project to you all? It’s a LIE, he’s a horny little creeper!!!” and brings those feelings back.
The same thing was happening to me when I was a few years into pickup and fancied myself an expert with women. My Ego built up the Identity of “I’m someone who’s good with women” so every time they told the stories, especially to other alpha males and women I was attracted to, it was like another needle jabbing that “he’s not REALLY good with girls lol” nerve that only existed because I was a prisoner of my own Ego.
Consider it a lesson in humility they’re sub-consciously trying to teach you about not taking either yourself and/or picking up girls so seriously, and being able to laugh at yourself.
Your friend wasn’t necessarily a dick…you were just trapped in an Identity that you took too seriously. In the end its worked out for you at least, so in a way it’s good that I happened, but I know you felt like shit at the time…in my AFC days I actually did the accidental/misunderstanding creepy-follow once too, to a social circle girl during the daytime no less lol.
Now when my friends bring up the stories that used to frustrate and embarrass me and ruin my night, I just laugh them off and go “ya it was brutal. I suck with girls, no wonder I’m still a virgin. ” and it doesn’t phase me at all because I’m no longer trapped by that Identity.
Just wanted to explain this dynamic because of all the “your friend is a douchebag who doesn’t respect bros before hos” responses…technically, your friendship ended because at that point in your life you hadn’t grown an internal frame strong enough to not put your worth into the Identity your Ego created.
Also this concept is part of how I hold my own in the high-end clubs with jacked ripped 6-pack tall rich expensive suit wearing AMOGs. I know they’ve spent and spend so much of their life constructing their outward Identity/appearance of being a rich successful guy who’s good with women etc, and are trapped by their Ego into taking that Identity too seriously, so all I have to do to shake their frame/confidence is poke them with one little niggling doubt about themselves, like not being impressed about the thing they’re trying to impress myself and/or the girls with, or downplaying what they’re proud of to the girls so the girls stop valuing it as well.
ie – something like “wow man you’re ripped that awesome. You must spend all day in the gym hey, you must be going for a 2am workout after the bar tonight to stay that jacked lol I wish I had that kind of dedication but I’m a lazy fuck (pat my belly and make the girls rub it). I love good food too much, I have to get a steak when I’m at a restaraunt, I’d be embarrassed to order a salad lol you got way more balls than me man”. So in that bit, I’ve made him look like a salad ordering gym nut, and self-depreciated to contrast how I don’t take myself seriously (aka I’m more confident), AND I did it in a way where I’m actually complimenting him so he can’t even get mad at me…he’s stuck in Check wondering why the girls are patting my belly going “noooo I like your belly its cute!!” when I technically just told them how much better than me he is so logically they should want him more lol.
So there I’ve removed the value from one of the pillars he’s built his Identity around, in both my eyes and the girls’ eyes, and his Ego reacts butthurt (even if he doesn’t lash out at me, which he can’t because I complimented him, his state drops) and he loses the girls to me.
Sometimes if he’s frustrated enough he’ll try to tool me on my looks or money etc, something he puts value on so he thinks I’ll put value on, but 1) he’s just reacting to me at that point so he sabotages himself further in the girls’ eyes because the higher value person is the one who reacts less to the other person, and 2) I don’t build my self-worth around those external things so I’m not phased by it and will join in making fun of myself and be self-depreciating because I know my worth internally and know it has nothing to do with whatever he’s making fun of…the end result is if he does this, he takes himself from Check with the girls and puts himself in Check-mate and it’s over.
(if he’s a nice dude, I’ll back off and build his value up again for him and try to take the girls together and make a new buddy, but if he’s a dick I’ll just walk the girls away from him…they’ll follow me because I have all the high-value at that point)
This is the subtle art of the AMOG.
The kind of male buddies who turn AMOG on you are usually the friends who have insecurities about their own pick-up prowess.
Runner-up winner Dirkjohanson writes,
To be fair, sometimes women flake because of things like gas, vaginosis, and diarrhea.
Yes, but does a girl with vaginosis flake on her corporate HR drone job? No, for that she shows up right on time, because the job pushing paper is more interesting than the beta pushing for a date.