This post is also available in: English
It’s not often Le Chateau gets emails like this one about gaming your mom. For those denialists of the human condition who completely misunderstand and fervently believe that game only works on bar sluts, behold its power to improve relationships with overbearing mothers.
This is a long reader-submitted story, but it’s worth your time.
I have been reading your website for a year and a half now, got a girlfriend for almost a year now, many thanks for the advice.
The purpose of this letter is to share with you how I overcame beta-ness and improved relationship with my mom.
I was a beta before your site. While I realized that my behaviour was not right (ie doesn’t attract girls), I did not know how to correct it. I am 20, live with parents, and go to university. After reading your site extensively I started putting conscious efforts in changing my mindset, adopting the alpha mentality and DHV, being more open to people, talking to girls in class and so on. I am not the kind of guy who goes to bars and clubs so a fair portion of your advice remained in “theory” stage for me…
So, looking for ways to apply your advice I started using it on my mom. Before being judgmental, hear me out. My mother is a strong-willed, opinionated, demanding woman. My father is an alpha. Even after many years of marriage, every time my mom talks to my dad, her eyes glitter and her voice softens and even becomes slightly nervous. However, every time she spoke to me, her tone switched to loud, demanding as if I was some asian kid who got a B on a math test instead of an A+. She would not appreciate anything I do, order and command me around the house, blame everything on me, sometimes even her own wrongdoings, and if I argued back she would become argumentative and shut me up (!!!) My dad didn’t care enough to play the judge, though if he heard blatant abuse, he would shamelessly put my mom in her place.
It took about 4-6 months to COMPLETELY change my mom’s attitude toward me.
-I started by ignoring her demands. (Your advice on Beta’s are reactive) So if she was relaxing in the basement and would command me to make her “a hot chocolate with marshmallows” while I was busy upstairs, I would just pretend that I didn’t hear it, turn the volume up etc.; If she persisted/confronted I would say “I’m busy” or “Get it yourself”. Similarly, I stopped responding immediately when called and would wait until she would call me about 2-4 times before showing any signs of life.
-I stopped being argumentative and confrontational. If any argument arose, I would loudly and clearly state my point of view ONCE, explain why she is wrong, and fully disengage from the situation. If she continued arguing, scolding, yelling and screaming at me I would ignore it and focus on something else like TV, txting, or just walking out. Now, she would always have the last word in every argument and with my disinterest to continue, the arguments eventually grew into ways of qualifying to me, as I would dismiss them.
-I stopped answering the house phone. (Your advice on subtle dominance plays) There was panic in the household for about a week as all calls went to the answering machine lol. However, naturally, after I stepped down from the role of the secretary my mom assumed the duty and BROUGHT the phone to ME, if somebody called.
-I learned to cook and started critiquing her cooking. (Your advice on having a checklist and knowing what you want) Every once in a while I started making really delicious meals for the family. Since she cooks most of the time if she burned food, made it bland, too dry, too salty you name it I would call her out on it and refuse to eat it. To the obvious comeback of: “well why don’t you cook then” naturally my reply was “I do, and its ALWAYS just right…”
-Finally, I started playfully negging, teasing and not taking her seriously. Don’t get the wrong idea here lol. [Ed: I hope not!] Anything she would say I would turn and twist around in a funny way, at times even in a dirty and sexual way. If she would stop and say “that’s inappropriate”, I would reply “We are all adults here, and can appreciate it for what it is” (DHV) After a couple of times she would just go with it.
The intricacy of this situation is that changing a relationship with your mother is much more complex than changing it with a girl you just met. You HAVE to remain polite and diplomatic at all times (or else you’ll get kicked out of the house and make everything worse) Looking back I realize why my mom treated me the way she did, and I don’t blame her. Now my mom treats me with respect, just as good as she treats my dad. No more batshit insane demands. Helping out around the house is now APPRECIATED. Now that is not to say that she agrees with everything I do and say; arguments arise MUCH more rarely than they used to and we are able to come to a peaceful resolution without screaming, and laugh it off in a couple of minutes.
You have full permission to use any part of this letter in your blog, though I ask you to not disclose my personal information.
Negging your mom is a great way to defuse her incipient female antagonism to a power vacuum.
I used to corner anti-game denialists on their “bar sluts” trope by asking the more honest of them to draw a comparison with “girl game”, aka youthnbeauty. Think of game as the male equivalent of female beauty: Does T&A work solely on “bar douchebags”, or does it work on all men?
The question is, of course, rhetorical. The allure of an unyielding rack, firm ass, slim waist and pretty face excites the libidos of low class and high class, young and old, douchy and awesome men alike. Equivalently, game, when executed with unforced grace and contextual refinement, arouses all kinds of women, from lawyers to nurses to teachers to SAHMs to foreigners to SWPLs to skanks to HR drones.
As this reader’s story demonstrates, not only is game effective on all types of women beyond the mythological bar slut, game is effective on family members! If you include sales and management (business or social circle) as a form of game, then you could argue that game is effective on men as well.
The only way game works is if it takes a realistic appraisal of human nature. Once game abandons the age-old truths that underlie all human behavior, it ceases to work. The fundamentals of game are as crucial to its success as the fundamentals of gravity and aerodynamics are to flight.