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If you run solid attraction game but your rapport is weak (usually due to time constraints or a loud environment not conducive to sitting down and getting more conversational with a girl), there is a higher chance she will flake not because she’s uninterested, but because she suspects you may be a player who will love her and leave her. The positive but superficial emotions that an exciting player instills in her quickly dissolve once she’s back home and decompressing. Emotions generated from rapport are longer lasting if for no other reason than that they are unique to her — most men will not have the skill or knowledge to successfully engage a girl in deep conversation on the first meet. This is why nearly all masters of seduction stress that the comfort stage (or “day 2 stage”) is 90% of getting a woman into bed.
One thing you’ll notice if you occasionally date women in their late 20s is an uptick in flaking brought on by a volatile psychodramatic mixture of getting burned in the past by badboys and their biological clocks pushing them to find stable, paternally inclined men. None of these things are conscious decisions; her actions are the manifestation of subconscious forces.
Beta provider has a bad connotation, but in fact women, especially those past a certain age and feeling the forlorn pangs of their empty wombs, have a part of them that is attracted to such men. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to identify which of the women you date are genuinely interested in signs from you that you would make a good husband and father, and to feign the signals that would peg you as a beta provider. This means attenuating your cad game and emphasizing your dad game.
I had a day 2 with a sexy late 20s woman I approached in a bar. We had kissed within 20 minutes. She wanted me to call her and demonstrated this when she held up her hand to her ear in the shape of a phone as I was walking out of the bar. I called two days later and got her voicemail. She never replied. Flake. A week later, I was able to reverse her flake with a virtually foolproof text I discovered in the course of my social experimentation. More on that another time. We met a few days afterward. The first words out of her mouth as we were sitting across each other on our first “formal” date were “I don’t usually make out with guys in bars. I had too many free drinks that night.”
Nevermind the veracity of her statement. It’s irrelevant. Her words carried more weight than she could have imagined. She flaked because she felt slutty for kissing me in a bar. Later in the date, she mentioned that she had a history of choosing the “wrong guys”. Coupled with her body language, fashion sense (conservative) and her documented anti-slut flake, this was all the information I needed to adjust my game for maximum id penetration. I quickly assessed her psychological dimensions:
- likely pump and dump victim
- likely dumped by a long term BF she thought was “the one”
- is running from her slutty past
- has attracted players in the past and now fears getting attached to them
- is keenly aware of any signs that a man may be a player
- distrusts her own sexual impetus
- will test me for provider attributes
What I did:
- talked about my nieces and nephews and how much they loved it when I visited
- pared back my cocky funny game
- skipped the negs
- wore a business suit (minus tie)
- discussed future oriented subjects like “goals in life” and “where do you see yourself in five years?”
- remembered a few critical details about her from our first meeting in the bar which I sprinkled into our conversation
- told her I’m “happy with my career“
- slowed down my kino progression
- made sure our seats were in a corner of the bar where people wouldn’t see us kissing
Naturally, for most guys, acting like a beta provider isn’t much of a stretch. But if you’re good at attracting random girls you’ll find that in time you lose touch with the “softer” side of yourself. Newly graduated players often nurse an incoherent fear of seeming too beta, so they compensate too far in the other direction. This is why when men fail to get a woman into bed the cause is more often the result of a bad day 2, and not the initial meet.
One more thing. The snare of beta provider game only works after your alpha cred has been firmly cemented in her mind. So don’t go thinking you can put on the halo before the horns have lured her in.