A new study finds that husbands’ happiness depends on their wives’ happiness.
The authors did not find a significant association between spouse’s marital appraisals and own well-being. However, the association between husband’s marital quality and life satisfaction is buoyed when his wife also reports a happy marriage, yet flattened when his wife reports low marital quality.
This isn’t the first study to discover a dependency on wife happiness for husband happiness, but not the reverse (i.e., wife happiness dependent on husband happiness).
Two internally derived psychological dynamics are at play here. First, what this study and others like it are picking up is the scarcity mentality that broadly afflicts the class of married men, who in their premarital lives would be known as provider beta males. Scarcity mentality refers to the instinctive and not altogether unjustified male perception that attractive women are hard to get and if you lose a woman you already have it’s a good bet you’ll spend lonely and aggravating years trying to replace her.
Men (non-NAM men at any rate) are wired to think this way because women are, in fact, the reproductively more valuable sex and thus the choosier sex. So when a man gets married, his happiness, as a consequence of his fear of losing his hard-won sexual outlet, ebbs and flows with his wife’s happiness. If wifey is unhappy or sexually distant, hubby’s visceral fear of incel goes into overdrive. His response, usually counterproductive, is to amp up his mate guarding.
Second, a wife’s happiness doesn’t depend on her husband’s happiness because wives, particularly younger wives with more sexual market options, don’t share the same fear of years of incel. Women have their own pressures and hurdles to overcome, (such as convincing a HSMV man to commit), but total sexual abandonment by the opposite sex is not usually one of them (unless she’s fat, ugly or old).
There is also the reality that unhappy husbands can still want and enjoy sex; unhappy wives… eh, not so much. Husbands who want to keep that twat train rolling have an incentive to maintain their wives’ happiness. Wives who want marital sex don’t necessarily need to keep their husbands happy.
What I’ve described is the influence of ancient biology. Today, we can add a third dynamic, one that is externally derived: Divorce theft. An unhappy husband won’t indirectly threaten a wife’s access to her resources or her children, but an unhappy wife can portend a near future of her husband’s bank account and assets slashed in half and time with his kids reduced more than that.
A case could be made that civilization is ascendent when wives try to increase the happiness of their husbands, and civilization is in decline when husbands fret over the happiness of their wives.
[…] Husbands Are Happy When Their Wives Are Happy (But Not The Reverse) […]
GBFM MAXIM #3214: Your wife is maximally happy when da GBFM’s cockas squirts happy spllogeggeiziziz on her face lzlzlzlzomzgzzlzlozo
when all da womenz are hoes
better be da pimp
instead of da chimp
dis has been a GBFM haiku
celebrationsz of ancient japanese artfrom
dating back to da era when
hentai
was discoverezlzlzlozozooozozozo
lotsa cockas 4 d aladiez!
http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/3r066j
lzozoooz
Sounds like this one falls under the general subject of “men (not women) are the romantics.”
It would be nice if somebody collected and organized all these thoughts into a kind of catechism / introduction.
Men and not women are the romantics – of course! Women want something tangible from the pair bond: the provision of resources. Men want something intangible: fidelity.
Tangible goals = Pragmatism
Intangible goals = Romanticism
Not quite. Have you thought about where romance comes from? It is about, as one researcher put it, “raising the cost of sex”. Women instinctively want men to do things for them that show they are willing to invest time and effort. Which is an indicator that they will stick around even after the sex, to care for the children. Bring her a slain deer, string a lute below her balcony, go to the movies or take her to see his friends, same thing. Men want to quickly get down to business, as it were. Women are the ones who instinctively want romance, and men are forced to adapt to that.
There’s another school of thought which holds that [at least some] women can NEVER be happy: If you get to $100K in net worth, then she wants you to be worth $1M, and if you get to $1M, then she wants you to get to $1B, and if you get to $1B, then you discover that – surprise! – she was actually a gold-digging whore all along and she’s been fucking her tennis instructor every Tuesday afternoon for the last 15 years.
In fairness to women, it’s possible that Jehovah programmed [at least some of] them to be nasty hateful nit-picking backseat-driving old nags precisely so as to provide a biological “negative feedback loop” to their husbands, so that those husbands wouldn’t get lazy and start coasting on their laurels or start believing their own press clippings.
Final Zombie Pearl of Wisdom 4 da Boyz: If you want a young woman to be happy, then give her lots and lots of children, and if you want an old woman to be happy, then teach your sons [cough GAME cough] how to give her lots and lots of grandchildren.
In fairness to women, it’s possible that Jehovah programmed [at least some of] them to be nasty hateful nit-picking backseat-driving old nags precisely so as to provide a biological “negative feedback loop” to their husbands, so that those husbands wouldn’t get lazy and start coasting on their laurels or start believing their own press clippings.
This explains a great deal about your arch nemesis who, out of kindness to the readers, shall remain unnamed.
> “your arch nemesis”
I didn’t know that jewesses were allowed to masturbate in synagogues. Huh. Learn something new every day.
Not quite. The reasons are different, as CH explains. Don’t just read the headline before you hurry to be the first to post. I’m not saying that in a snarky way, by the way. I know a lot of people find an allure in being the first poster and see their post at the top, and I understand, okay, so be it. But resist.
That was in reply to Shortest Straw, by the way.
The “romancing” that women demand (e.g. flowers, chocolate) is different from the romantic thinking that each gender engages in.
Men idealize women more than women idealize men. Women are pragmatic about what they want, while men dream of purity.
By the way, I don’t have to agree with CH’s hypotheses about the primary causes. I’m thinking about it from a different, simpler angle.
Ultimately it all has to fit together. There are not single explanations for just about anything to do with human genders, but all the different causes ultimately have to fit.
‘The “romancing” that women demand… I’m thinking about it from a different, simpler angle…’
Lately I have found that it helps enormously to adopt the classical point of view which was held by the Greeks and Romans: That fertility is fundamentally a MALE attribute [and responsibility] which is foisted by the male upon the woman. In particular, ponder the ancient Greek creation story, which posits an initial feminine state of Chaos [female insanity] which had to be tamed by Eros [male purposefulness] so as to give birth to the Greek race.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eros
Another ancient tenant which seems diametrically opposed to the modern point of view is that the Harvest is male in nature [the God Saturn or Cronus] whereas the Hunt is female in nature [the Goddess Diana or Artemis].
Maybe part and parcel of the idea that Chaos [the feminine] demanded she be hunted down and that Eros [the masculine] was responsible for plowing, seeding, and harvesting the fruit of her womb?
Or, as Rush Limbaugh is fond of saying, the boy chases the girl until she catches him?
tenant = tenet
@ Zombie:
Speaking of hunting, that point is illuminated in the book “anatomy of female power”. The female is preying for males by luring them in with sex and other nice things and when the male is hooked (drunk in love) she demands commitment and starts to extract as many resources as possible.
Right. And it helps so much to adopt the Greco-Roman point of view in all of this: The woman is by her very nature INSANE [Chaos], and after he has accepted the challenge of the hunt [Diana], it is the man’s role to capture her, corral her, tame her, plow & seed her [Eros], and harvest her [Saturn] nine months later.
And from the Greco-Roman point of view, inviting a woman into your home is like capturing a wolf and training it to become a domesticated chihuahua: By its very nature, the wolf-bitch will be overwhelmed by the desire to heed The Call of the Wild, but the wolf-bitch’s human master must make it abundantly clear to her that the she will NEVER AGAIN be allowed to run with the pack.
Of course. It was men who invented romantic love during Middle Ages in Provence & parts of Germany (troubadours, Minne). Men wrote the best lyric love poetry from Petrarch to Rilke. Women are,…eh..a “pragmatic sex”.
Romantic love is an invention from the tribes of the Arabian Desert, possibly a worse gift to humanity than Islam.
Will husbands be happy with the next generation of wives?:
http://fullcomment.nationalpost.com/2014/10/24/barbara-kay-feminist-video-turns-to-child-abuse-to-send-distorted-message/
The FI strikes back at themselves, unbelievable! But it’s what has been on my mind for a long time. One day women will get fed up with pc, feminism, mass immigration and such and just shut it down or we’ll be going down.
Feminism was installed for the sole purpose of “divide and conquer”. It is supposed to drive white men and women apart and destroy the family, which is the most important pillar of our society. Additionally it’s ment to keep people occupied to not notice other more important changes that have been going on.
^Exactly!
It is supposed to drive white men and women apart and destroy the family, which is the most important pillar of our society.
—————————————————————————————-
No its not. Its just a giant shit test, like racism is for blacks.
Get over yourselves; you’re not that important.
Don’t be stupid thwack, I’m not being rayciss here. look at your brothers, it also happened to you just a couple of years ago. See the chaos that was purposefully created. The same is about to happen with us.
LTR was unhappy last night. I was stumbling as I misread the situation; I thought back to CH and realized I was pushing when I needed to be pulling. So I changed it up, softened, drew her in, and when the time was right, reversed it with something like “you’re right, I could go out there and have sex with any other woman, but I enjoy your company” or something like that. She replied, “I don’t think you could have sex with ANY other woman. I mean, there’s got to be some women out there who will turn you down.”
Bingo. From that point forward she was happy again, and we were fine.
I like seeing her happy. But I’ve learned (finally) that what makes a man happy is entirely different from what makes a woman happy.
Talking about having options is nowhere near as effective as demonstrating it. In fact, talking about it usually suggests you don’t have ‘em.
That’s true. I haven’t found it necessary to display anything like that yet. I’ve found relationship-game to be much more difficult that quick-sex-game, and I’ve found the difference to be thus: I need to “pull” more while maintaining the “push”. No “push” equals beta-schmo. No “pull” and her feels get hurt.
@Heywood Yes. I have a story connected to this. I asked my crazy ex gf “Should I be fucking other girls?” When she wouldn’t put out. Big mistake. It only communicated that I cared enough to voice this concern. A better would have been to say “ok” and roll over and go to sleep so some such.
A girl I banged last week today said “next time” when after drinks I invited her over. “There may not be a next time….” was a far more appropriate response. She laughed….I shrugged and turned away.
This study shows that without options a man becomes “co-dependent” on a woman’s behavior for his own state of mind. I’ve lived a lot of my life like this and it is horrible. You always fear being judged by someone…even if it’s someone you don’t respect.
@greginaurora: “…and her feels get hurt”
So.
Eh. I like seeing my wife happy but have gotten to a point where I’m not unhappy if she’s bitching and moaning about something. Push-Pull. The more unhaaaapy she acts, the more I show I don’t give a shit, usually with laughter or just walking off or ignoring her. Sometimes it’s a little frosty but she generally behaves herself.
Happy Wife, Happy Life is bullshit.
No wife : Incredible life.
“No wife : Incredible life.”
+1000
Happy man, happy land.
Here’s an explanation. All very hypothetical, of course, and the real situation is much more complex. But the question is why the interest in spouse happiness is asymmetrical. The root cause is what each gender wants most out of the pair bond.
The woman wants security out of the pair bond. She wants food, shelter, protection. Her concern about this extends to the future. The best indicator of whether he will provide those things tomorrow is whether he provided them today. His happiness is not a strong indicator of his future willingness to do so. The pair bond simply isn’t all that important to him. Because it is relatively less important, his satisfaction with it is read more easily through direct indicators, like provision of resources, than emotional state.
The man wants fidelity out of the pair bond. There are many indicators of infidelity, but happiness is a strong one. If she is unhappy it is an indication that she may be inclined to infidelity – she is signaling that the pair bond is not that important to her, so she is more likely to risk it through temporary infidelity. The pair bond is very important to her, so if it is unsatisfactory, she will manifest it through emotions. After all, she doesn’t have the provision of resources as a signal of her satisfaction.
My wife was happy banging another man. I was not happy. This theory is fucking b.s
It’s not a theory, it is an observation of MANY people, not just one couple. It can be different in one case, such as in your case. But one case does not reality make. People are too solipsistic, bringing up anecdotal evidence – “But I know someone who….” – and using that as the basis for their view of a topic. Ignoring thousands of other examples. That’s what stops people from learning, and so we have constant political disagreements because a lot of people just stick to the view they got from the first cases they saw. What’s within their narrow view is their universe. Lift your eyes.
Quit whining and pull your pants up.
I smell a troll.
I think it could be said she was not happy with you and you were clearly not happy as a result.
Husbands are happy when …
That poor bastard.
Some of these posts make a part of my brain shout “Eureka!” While sitting in a bath. I shit you not.
Pish posh on This study. Reality is you can never seek to make your wife happy by meeting some need she expresses or you think she does. Women are like clouds always changing with hormones and emotion. Untroubled by logic or consistency of thought and action.
What women want is to be led by dynamic passionate authentic men…. Men with options.
Why is a wife will slave till past midnight on her bosses b.s. report but be too tired for sex with her supplicant husband on any given night at pm?
Because women need to be led. To submit. To qualify. To feel the thrum of dread always in the background. This is what makes them truly happy. But this will never come out of any of these kinds of studies. Happy wife happy life is bullshit if you are asking her what she wants to be happy.
Be a dynamic, passionate and authentic man and lead the relationship and her happiness will take care of itself.
And have her make you a sandwich. Her happiness depends on it!
all good advice– but they’re not so much clouds. (most) women are more like black holes. and once you allow yourself to try to be the guy to fill it, your universe will implode. you gotta keep enough distance to not get sucked in, or she’ll swallow you whole, galactus style, and be hungry for more.
Maybe Bob Dylan had the answer: “I wanna be your lover, I don’t wanna be your boss. Don’t say I never warned you when train train gets lost.
Comparing a woman’s boss to her husband is nonsensical unless she has the option of quitting her job because she is “unhappy” with it; finding another job relatively easily with no need of a resume of her prior experience/skills and references, while still being able to draw a part salary or big payout from the first bosses company regardless of her reasons for quitting.
I’m rather skeptical re this study. Perhaps there is some truth in it, but we all know that wives are frequently unhappy if their husbands are. It’s a matter of common sense and life experiences, as well as numerous socio-psychological studies.
That dynamic is not mentioned in that study. On the other hand the “she isnt happy when he is” is.
The odd dynamic in all of this is that the way to keep your wife happy is to fancy her, while simultaneously conveying you don’t particularly need her. Which in large part means focusing on what makes you happy, while occasionally and unpredictably making some gesture that demonstrates she is important.
yeah they really are like some cats that way. no interest in coming at them directly, but as soon as you’ve got some work going they’re walking on your keyboard.
i don’t personally think we were ever meant to live in such close quarters. i don’t think evolutionarily it probably happened much that you spent hours indoors together, you worked to survive and if you had food and energy you put one in her at night. that’s about the extent of what i can handle.
“i don’t personally think we were ever meant to live in such close quarters”
Not only that, but imagine if you will, back in the caveman days one of your concubines is giving you shit and your Bro’s concubines is giving him shit.
Do you:
A) Mope around the cave cleaning the bones off the floor trying to please the PMSing bitch, or
B) Say “Fuck that, Ugtangia,” walk out of the cave with your Bro and go hunt wildebeast for a few hours.
I think a lot of modern malaise is caused by men being taught to please their wives when they’re bitchy instead of just walking the fuck out of the house with no explanation and doing your own stuff for a few hours.
A caveat you touched on but didn’t actually mention: when a woman perceives her husband as being a difficult man to lock down and one of far higher value than any previous partner or other men she encounters day-to-day, she will start finding her happiness dependent on his. That is the very premise dread game relies on. In other words, when a man is actually very high quality or when he uses dread game, his wife is more likely to become anxious or sad when he appears unhappy and to be content when he appears at ease, even if she isn’t consciously aware of his emotional state or her own response to it. Of course, apart from in a few select men this wouldn’t reverse the dynamics: he would still be made happy when she is and unhappy whenever she’s unhappy. But making happiness feedbacks reciprocal is a lot better than fretting over whether your partner is about to get angry/walk out/kill you.
But making happiness feedbacks reciprocal is a lot better than fretting over whether your partner is about to get angry/walk out/kill you.
Most American women don’t get this. They don’t teach it on television. Most Slavonic women do, in fact they seem to grasp it instinctively. Gib Acht Arbiter; es wurde dir Gut tun diese herrvoragende (trotz Untermenschlichkeit) Frauen nicht zu uebersehen.
Good point! This illustrates the asymmetry further, though. In this case the wife is alerted by his communicating inclination to abandon her. So she doesn’t seek his happiness but rather his lack of unhappiness: contentment.
True. The only way a woman with no internal incentive can work towards her man’s happiness is likely for him to fake a dichotomy: “Either I’m over the moon with you, or you’re gone.” But then, if she wasn’t inclined to please him anyway, this could lead to stress and resentment as she works overtime to make him stick around. Maybe until eventually she doesn’t feel he’s worth it any more. Some couples just aren’t meant to be.
I haz deja vu!
Very interesting.
http://www.fredoneverything.net/BlackPower.shtml
“There is the DC Bob. In the bars and restaurants of Washington, a man weary of an incompetent affirmative-action hire in his office will, before commenting to a friend, lean forward, lower his voice, and look furtively over both shoulders to see whether anyone might overhear: The DC Bob. People don’t even know that they are doing this.
Defensive behavior by whites has become nearly universal. A sort of Masonic recognition-ritual occurs among white people recently introduced in social gatherings. Is the other person, for want of better terms, a liberal or a realist? Dare one speak? One of them will say something mildly skeptical about, say, Jesse Jackson. The other rolls his eyes in shared disgust. The secret handshake.”
The people who won the Cold War now live like East Germans.
Black people do it too, biiiiiiiiiiiitch.
It’s reached the point where, in the right public setting, I loudly, provocatively make politically incorrect remarks. It embarrasses my gf, but I love a challenge, and a confrontation.
It’s reached the point where, in the right public setting, I loudly, provocatively make politically incorrect remarks.
Does anyone ever actually challenge you? I have yet to get an ‘Excuse me!’ for any politically incorrect thing said in public. It’s somewhat sad.
This is great! Yea, have any confrontations developed and how did you handle them?
The people who won the Cold War now live like East Germans.
The same crowd is/was in charge in both places.
It’s not called divorce theft, it’s called divorce rape. Use the correct word for the situation.
“Women are grass, born to be stepped on.”
Chinese are the true romantics.
“Women are grass, born to be stepped on.”
awesome.
i like to hit her for no reason and now i’ll add knocking her down and stepping on her to the list.
just thought of the mud wrestling scene in stripes. francis yells “beat the shit out of her, ox”. he’s not joking.
domestic violence is an underrated and underused tool.
No More it was an accident
No More it was just one time
No More she was hysterical…haha
HAHA…we gotta come up with one where all of us are
No More will I wait for her to get a career
No More will I take the beta role
No More will I deal with feminist bullshit!
No More!
(And though this was on the last thread, talk about hitting a wall, that damn Mariska Hargitay hit like five walls as of lately. Her and Debra Messing…although Messing looks like she’s been hitting the sauce awfully hard!) No more of their wall-ridden mugs!
It’s what you reward. Bitch all you like darlin.’ You’re the ones making the rules. where just learning to play by them.
Where = we’re
As Scottie Simppen (memba him?) would say:
“Basic Math: Happy Wife = Happy Life.”
And betas all over leaked tears of joy.
But we call it bull.
I think you’ve left out an important aspect: An unhappy wife feels far more justified in inflicting emotional pain on a husband to get what she wants (particularly in the West)
“If mama ain’t happy ain’t nobody happy”
Why does a woman close her eyes during sex?
Because she can’t stand to see her husband having fun.
“when the king is happy, the kingdom is happy” — Patrice Oneal
Nobody has mentioned that an unhappy woman is much more likely than a man is to bitch, act sullen or in some way make damn sure that everyone knows she’s unhappy and in the process bring everyone else down. It’s like they take the saying misery loves company as a directive rather than an observation.
If she’s unhappy, why not give her that Big D?
Problem solved.
Alpha Scumbag of the Month:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/10/17/jeremie-calo-tiffani-lynn-barganier-restaurant-table-sex_n_1974199.html
I got a particular kick out of the last paragraph: “Calo is facing charges for fighting with the manager and refusing to pay his tab, WKMG-TV reports. However, he will not be facing sex-related charges because no one who claims to have seen the act would write statements for the police.”
scumbag?
hate the game, not the player
If a cat is unhappy, your tries of changing that only adds to it.
The way to the pussy is paved with constant spectacles of your illusionary independence.
Females should not be males’ mission in life. They are but passengers.
A woman appearing in a “war on women (TM)” ad is the same woman who kicked her then-husband’s ass last year:
http://www.greenbaypressgazette.com/story/news/politics/elections/2014/10/13/woman-charged-with-domestic-abuse-in-burke-ad/17186377/
“According to the complaint, Forrest punched him in the eye and groin, ripped an earring out of his ear and bit him several times. He filed for divorce four days after the fight.”
http://funsterz.com/2014/10/31/90s-top-models-then-and-now-12-photos/
Cat calling (for men) will soon be illegal. Your overlords are going to try to pass more laws which will make hitting on girls in public illegal. Welcome to the Brave New World:
http://www.nytimes.com/roomfordebate/2014/10/31/do-we-need-a-law-against-catcalling/street-harassment-law-would-restrict-intimidating-behavior
“All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.”
that is the opening of Anna Karenina
Anna Karenina, Madame Bovary and Effi Briest are all 19st novels about adulterates,all written by man, all somewhat visionary in what the future was going to bring
If Tolstoy was to re-write the novel today the opening might have been
All miserable men are alike, all happy men are happy in its own way
All happy women are alike, each miserable women is miserable after its own fashion
Women are often reflective of the man they are with. While you being happy doesn’t mean she will be…often your mood can influence hers.
If men are the rocks…that means they are the emotional rocks too. Don’t let her emotions bring you down.
women ARE the men they are with, empty vessels.
what you see is your reflection…key point here.
@HABD
Quick update – this changing my frame with my wife business goes really deep into all aspects of day to day behaviour. Even the smallest things.
Like today there was some discussion over text about whether I was going to come meet friends of hers after work or if I had to work late. I instinctively said something like “I need to work but if you want me to come I will and do my work later” (I didn’t mind going to meet them – just a question of whether I would have time to finish some work).
And then I realised I shouldn’t have left the decision to her – either I should have said I’ll come, or said no. Then she replied with something non-committal and I sent a clear response saying “Yes, I will come”.
And even that is a step forward. Lots of small steps like this.
I like my wife’s friends well enough, but the ones I spend time with are only the ones hot enough to semi-game into a threesome.
There are a few days here and there where I would prefer hearing their inane but pleasant enough social conversations to staring at my laptop, fixing their inexplicably goofed-up spreadsheets.
Oddly, the only women I’ve met who have any degree of competence in either software or finance/accounting were born overseas.
They’re roughly as good as their male J-1 visa counter parts.
I would say I’ve met a grand total of one female, American born actuary who could find her own ass in the dark with two hands.
One reassuring thing about working with foreigners or immigrants in general is the observation that American-educated workers are, apples to apples, far and away more skilled than the dippy automatons Chindia produces.
They can sort of code, and sort of figure out financial statements, but they are nowhere near where we are, unless they immigrated here as very small children.
hum…sound like using science to prove one own view on a subject while distorting the discordant studies. Makes me doubt where lies the truth and if are everyone(men and women) distinct on theirs wantings and needings.
All they really have to do is
1)not pig out on carbs and exercise
2)put out 2-3 times a week
3)not be insufferably crazy
The rest we don’t really give a shit about. Good paying jobs tend to suck up their time (better spent in the gym or doing housework, which for some women is a foreign concept, but a hot horny woman with a messy house is more than tolerable).
General question: One of the girls I’m seeing has told me she is seeing a shrink. She said her parents made her see one. She’s mentioned suicide in passing and being “emotional”. I don’t go into detail just “oh, I see, that’s interesting…” then change the subject to something fun. When we’re together we have a great time.
But I have not seen any of this in our time together. We only go out once a week or so…sometimes longer than that. She’s not a “texter” so I usually do the initiating…then that’s it, we meet up. In fact, with the 2 other girls in my rotation it’s like this: a few texts, confirm…meet up.
Our relationship is banging and hanging out and having fun. Should I be at all worried by this revelation? I ask this because my crazy ex gf was NOT seeing any therapist and was seriously bonkers and quite dangerous to me.
This one doesn’t seem that way at all in fact seems quite cool to be with overall. I don’t want to start poking around in this area asking “Are you nuts are you nuts?” If someone’s getting help for whatever issues they have is this a good thing or a problem?