Given the epidemic of American women disfiguring their bodies with vats of blotchy ink, a man should have at his disposal some tasty tattoo negs to stir hamsters from their slumbers.
A reader offers,
“Cool tattoo. *squeeze your eyes to see better* What’s that supposed to be?”
Nice. Subtle and classy. Another theme on this is to mistake her tattoo for something else, preferably something unflattering. For instance, if she has a tiger tat:
“Cool tattoo. I’ve always liked mongooses.”
For a really suggestive dig on chicks with superslut tats, like stars around their crotches or tramp stamps:
“Cool tattoo. Very brave.”
If on the off chance you get a “What’s that supposed to mean?” instead of a confused “Thanks?”, take care to avoid being put in the defensive crouch. “You’ll still be rocking that tattoo when you’re 80. Props.”
[…] Tattoo Negs […]
I once went to a big party where there were swingers and the wives would lez off with each other, and one of these bi wives showed me her tramp stamp on her backside [just above her crack], written in “gothic” font, and I couldn’t make heads or tails of what it was supposed to say. She was a preacher’s daughter, BTW. God have mercy on our souls.
I know a girl who has forgotten which of the Chinese characters in her neck means what. She couldn’t draw them if her life depended on it. But the point in getting them wasn’t to communicate a message, of course, but to show group loyalty. Loyalty to the exotic, i.e. non-Western, natch.
“I know a girl who has forgotten which of the Chinese characters in her neck means what.”
of course this doesn’t bother her at all. probably thinks it’s cute. they really are dumb as sheep.
the end is nigh.
Had a student return from Spring Break with a new Chinese tat on her ankle. She was showing it off and one of my Chinese professors just couldn’t stop laughing. He said the translation was (more or less) “Gullible White Girl.”
Tramp Stamp = no need to warn them before anal.
They probably wouldn’t need warning (or lube…)
Why would you want to sleep with a woman with a tattoo?
1. It conveys sluttiness
2. She has a higher risk of having HIV or hepatitis.
#1 is definitely true (studies and real life demonstrate it), #2 is probably true. But your premise is misleading. Most men would think, “Why *wouldn’t* I want to sleep with a slut? She’ll put out quicker.” They aren’t thinking, “I would really love to wife up this slut.”
Me, two years ago to a girl musing out loud about maybe getting a tat: “nothing says ‘marriage material’ like a tattoo.”
@PA the crazy ex gf who I’ve written so much about had a tattoo of another guy’s name on her ass. It was a flower with the dude’s name in the middle. I asked her once why she didn’t get it removed: “I will when I get married…”
RIght….
i have more than one out there with my initials tatted up in their bikini line…. 😉
Hah, good ideas, CH. I will have to try the first one.
Women are herd animals, and when the media – MTV etc – started pushing tattoos they saw it as a way to show they are part of the herd, without making an effort.
Women have always survived through the group, which is a key to many of their traits. For example, women using a larger vocabulary on average is because they needed to get along with their mother-in-law who ran the household, and get along with the other women in the tribe, who helped each other take care of the children. Women have a stronger desire to live in cities than men do, and less desire to live in the country. Etcetera.
We can also note some observations for which there are no statistics that I know of:
–While men go to the gym to improve themselves in quiet contemplation, women can’t wait to join the latest fashionable group workout. What works best (weightlifting, for both sexes) is irrelevant.
–It is always the woman who complains that the couple doesn’t go out enough. She gets a kick out of showing off her pairing-up in public, for much the same reason a man would like people to know about his promotion. And of course, going to the restaurant satisfies the herd instinct, even when she doesn’t know anyone else at the restaurant. Eating – gotta do it with other people.
–Women on vacation want to go where there are other people. Take pictures of places other people back home know of. Show they go with the herd. Going hiking or camping is something they (generally) hate as it is lonely, just the woman and her man. What’s the point with that?
–Has to be the latest songs.
–Screaming and fainting at the sight of boy bands. It didn’t end with the Beatles. Can you imagine men acting the same way in a concert?
Expressions of belonging to the group are found among men too of course, but differently. Consider a military parade, a time-honored manly invention. Each man doing his part, turning the parade into proof that the men can act together to carry out a task. This is the archetypal masculine group display in public. Compare that with the archetypal feminine group display in public: screaming and shouting in awe, losing control of yourself so that you prove without doubt that the group has taken you over. They are not ashamed – they talk about it afterward, they are proud of it.
weight lifting is not for girls sparky. you can have those chicks lol
based on your observations, a possible checklist for ltr:
she:
has no tattoos
lifts weights solo, or with you
likes to stay home
likes to cook for two
likes to hike/camp, enjoys periods of silence/contemplation
doesn’t take a lot of pictures, doesn’t live for social media
has good taste in music, which is to say your taste
she:
is either a unicorn or a troll.
happy hunting guys.
I like “You realize those don’t come off?”
Borderline neg-insult = best used once some rapport has been built. I would not open with it like I might with the ones in the article.
If I was a dictator – and, Lucifer willing, some day I will be – one of the lesser laws I would institute would be a ban on tattoos, piercings, hair dye (except for those whose hair is turning grey), colored contact lenses, earlobe stretching and other disfigurements. The law would also ban what I would call freak hairstyles and freak clothing.
OT but in relation to that alpha game plan post CH tweeted: I’ve noticed a lot of guys making the mistake of verbalizing the Game to their significant others. Even using Alpha and Beta terminology in their relationship talks and whatnot. This is a really bad move. Not only does it show all your cards but it removes all the mystery from the male/female sex dynamic (from her perspective).
Never verbalize the Game.
Good advice man – Rollo wrote an article (http://therationalmale.com/2012/08/22/just-get-it/) on how women want guys to “just get it” without being told or having a discussion on being alpha/dominant/etc.
Out of curiosity, how are you catching news of guys verbalizing game to their significant others? Are the guys telling you or are the girls?
Yeah, I have some friends that tend to reveal their tactics to the very girls they are gaming! That’s like telling the terrorists you know where their camps are before calling an air strike.
Check out Alpha Game Plan’s latest post.
I know a cute girl who got a very small tattoo on her lower left front hip bone, above five inches from her vag. I fucked her before, but hadn’t seen her for two months. With an eager smile she pulled down the front waist of her pants and thong to show me. I examined it with a slight squint for about three seconds. “It’s kinda slutty” I told her. I thought nothing of the line as I was only teasing her. This unintentional neg got my dick soaked in saliva and vag juice for several hours that night, and continues months after to this day. She still randomly brings up that neg, feigning indignation as her hoo–ha moistens.
Lesson: don’t be afraid to tease girls when they show you something they’re proud of
Good one.
But that reminds me of the only tattoo on a woman that I have been okay with. There was this girl who only had a small symbol on the outside of her leg, just above the foot. It was the symbol for her family’s homestead for generations. There are not many women who would want people to know they are loyal to the age-old line of their family.
Way to prove you wrong.
Whorefinder wanted to tattoo “rape” on his dick but there wasn’t enough room.
(uh oh – INCOMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
this reminds me of an old dick joke. a dude on vacation is standing next to a jamaican guy at the urinals. he looks over and notices the jamaican has “wendy” tattoed on his dick.
“Do you have a girlfriend named wendy?”
“No. It says ‘Welcome to Jamaica mon, have a nice day.’”
I’ve heard that one, I think it’s something like, he sees “We–” on one side and “–y” on the other.
Ah yes, Jamaica. They should be grateful to Whitey for sending them to a decent island. It’s like that Black soldier in the U.S. Army whose platoon was sent on a trip to Africa. He took one look around and said, “I’m sure glad my ancestors got on that boat.”
I heard Jamaica was a popular destination for married white women to travel and get dat BBC
I heard Jamaica was a popular destination for married white women to travel and get dat BBC
It’s where fat white women go cause black guys will fuck anything
Tattoos on men, however, like all of the male-female dynamics, have a different effect on women. Tattoos = bad boy.
My half sleeve has drawn many looks and opened many conversations with women. You can play some games with it – “Show me yours, I’ll show you mine.” “What tattoo? Oh shit. My roommate must’ve drawn on me when I passed out last night.” “What does it say? (What is it?) Come over here and check it out (leads to touching).” “I lost a bet.”
It helps if you have muscles.
Tattoos without muscles are like growing a big beard without muscles. “Hmm, if I get the accoutrements of a tough guy maybe people will think I am one. It sure beats lifting.”
Unless you can pull off the heroin-skinny rocker look.
This.
tattoos do not = bad boy, nowadays.
do you know how many swpl hoodrat pencil-neck squirrels rock them these days? its a fucking prerequisite.
as such, maybe 15 years ago – hence why i dont have any, yet.
if i do get fucked by ink, it’ll be in league of mel gibson’s lethal weapon tat – subtle, but something that means you are dangerous.
swastikas
Tattoos without muscles are like growing a big beard without muscles.
The only people I see with tats that don’t look like fags are the big biker dudes and guys who fight (boxing mma etc)
I knew a girl whose sister had about a hundred dick tattoos covering her body up to her jawline. Cocks and balls everywhere. I could never figure out who that would appeal to.
One for each she had been intimate with? Kind of like taking pictures on vacation.
90% of the girls on The Chive
Especially tats with close taint proximity
this is one where i’m not fully ‘amused mastery’ at.
however, my grrrl has a solid black handgun slapped near the end of her ribcage. it’s discreet – though not enough to whore it on instagram last year. slut’s gonnnn sloot!
anyhow, first i asked her why she got an L inked on. does L mean love? you love me? i already knew that, silly! also, its sideways! is that so you can see it?
days later, i realized when she gets knocked up, and she’s breatfeeding the child, the gun will be pointing at the child’s head. always.
blame gansta rap errrybady~!
Tattoos are like Lay’s potato chips, you can’t have just one. Once a girl gets one she’s already mentally planning out where the next one is going. skank bitches.
I knew a girl who liked the fifties. So she got tattoos on her arms with various fifties themes. She was doing it wrong.
That girl liked to be treated like a slut in bed, let me tell you. It wasn’t hard to figure out, so I got her in bed on the first date. She later told me that she had a guy friend who she had known for two years, who liked to buy her gifts even though she didn’t ask for them. Like a coffee maker. She had never slept with him, they were “just friends” and she truly believed that. Then I sweep in and get where he wanted to be within six hours.
I also used to know another girl who also liked the fifties, so she dressed that way and kept her hair and makeup that way, with the skirts and blouses showing off her curves perfectly yet tastefully. Kind of like Joan in Mad Men but ten years younger. She was lovely to behold.
Many of the “girls” in England now refuse to talk to you whatsoever if you don’t have a piercing or tattoo.
I know things are bad – like everywhere in the West – but are they really that bad? Are we talking some specific region? If you say London, that’s not representative for Britain no more.
On another note, I demand that the West be renamed the South-West-East-Middle to celebrate diversity. But not North, that’s racist.
“Your tattoo makes you uglier, and you’re not unique.”
Too subtle.
I wonder how many dicks on average girls take before they decide it’s a good idea to get a tramp stamp.
“Is that temporary?”
“Is it scratch-and-sniff?”, then scratch and sniff it.
That’s probably “Tattoo Game,” not a tattoo neg.
@yareally, immoral …
Field Report – Tinder insta-lay
I won’t go into too much detail trying to break it down since Yareally can do it much better (if you feel like it). This required my best text game especially because logistics were so terrible, she lives more than an hour away from me.
I matched with a girl on tinder around 10pm who had no pictures and no profile whatsoever, which I thought was pretty funny. She opened me.
HB: Hey.
Me: Lol
HB: Yeah right?
HB: -guitar emoji-
Me: Sup sexy
HB: Not much boo how are you?
Me: Can’t stop thinking about your sexy body
Me: But I swiped right for your personality
HB: What a cutie
HB: I really hope we’re on the same page
HB: I swiped right for your sexy guitar
Me: Yes, I also love my sexy guitar
HB: Love is in the air
Me: Is this the part where we trade dick pics
HB: Probably, i’m not sure
HB: Half naked selfies first
(I recognized this as an opening to stop messing around and actually do something)
Me: Sounds good -phone number-
HB: Now it’s serious. You first : -phone number-
Now over text:
Me: Hey HB. -tasteful, artsy shirtless pic, I’m a fit hipster type-
HB: You did it
HB: Hi kant, lovely. Ill send you mine tomorrow Im falling asleep
To not appear needy I just answered:
Me: 😉
Next day at 2:30pm
HB: -half naked selfie- Hey there
Me: Very nice are you a dancer
HB: Yes I am
I could tell she was horny since she initiated and sent me a pic so I just went with
Me: We should meet up for some fun. I’d do very bad things to you
HB: That sounds scary. But yeah we should
HB: Bad boys are my fav
Now I knew I knew attraction game was over, its all a shitload of comfort from here
Me: Not scary at all. What time are you free tonight?
Me: Let’s both pinky swear we aren’t crazies
Hb: I’m a nice girl, I swear
Hb: Where do you live?
Me: I hope not too nice.. -cross streets- , or I can come to you, your choice
HB: Are you going to -my college-?
HB: So far. But I can come. Let’s see, I’ll text you later
Me: I did, graduated
Now it’s 8:15pm the same day, and she hasn’t texted me. I knew I had to regame this or it wasn’t going to happen.
Me: Still plan on swinging by?
HB: Im thinking about it
Hb: !
Hb: Are you staying home tonight?
Me: Good 🙂 I am, head over
A couple of minutes pass and I feel like I need to give her a good reason to do it
Me: Is love to eat you out for as long as you’d like
HB: Ok, if we have to play this stupid game and considering it’ll take me more than an hour to come meet you, you have to send me another selfie
Me: That’s fair, what would you like
Hb: Your face
Hb: 🙂
Me: -face selfie-
Hb: Ok you’re cute.
Hb: Also you know that if I come to you Ill have yo stay over since I have class at 8:30 tomorrow and it’ll take me more than hour to come meet you
Back to the needing comfort stage, I know I’m basically in but the logistics are awful
Me: That’s perfectly fine. I have clean sheets and AC
HB: Is 11pm too late? I have rehearsal at til 9:30
Me: That’s perfect babe
Hb: K, send me your exact adress
Me: -address-
Me: Ring up -apt number-. Text me when youre on your way
Hb: Ok 🙂
Me: 🙂 (at 9:45)
Around 10:15
Hb: On my way
Hb: Ill be there in an hour or more
Me: See you in a bit
She arrived around 11:15, took her in my room, made small talk for about 2 minutes then banged her. Probably about 5 minutes from meeting her in person until I was inside her.
She had a small freakout during sex because I didn’t build enough comfort. I stopped but didn’t come out of her, told her we’d get a cocktail after this asked her if she likes whiskey or vodka, and slowly worked her up again. She responded well to that and we finished having sex.
Afterward we just chatted on my bed and I could see her becoming more attracted as we talked — it’s really funny, but she didn’t become attracted to me until AFTER we had sex. Crazy huh? She apologized for freaking out, I said don’t be sorry, she said this is an unusual situation and I agreed.
She was a 24yo French professional dancer, really sexy body and good personality. said she had gotten tinder three days ago. When I asked her why she didn’t have any pictures on there she said “I didn’t feel comfortable doing that” lol.
Then we went to bed, I started falling asleep but she got on top of me and initiated sex again — it was better the second time.
I sent her a comfort text in the morning and she responded well. Hopefully will be seeing her regularly.
“Barney: Let’s ride!
James: Fo’sho.
(James approaches girl)
James: (To girl) Damn baby, nice tramp stamp!
Barney: Hey hey! Her body art is not an invitation to grope her. It’s an expression of her inner-self. In many ways I’m sure she IS a dolphin encircled by flowers.
James: What?
Barney: What! (James leaves)
Barney: (To girl) Let me know if he bothers you again.
Girl: Thanks, you should stay close just in case.”
I like chicks with or without tatts it’s all good, the rocker look is sexy. But badly drawn tatts are always funny to me and I lol in my head.
No tattoos or piercings myself. Doesn’t really matter…all that it really affects is that I get a bit more hostility/bitch-shield at the start when I’m in that kind of venue/scene because they assume I must not be “one of them” the same way an asian guy in a country bar or a white dude in a hip hop bar would get extra static, but I just plow through with my vibe no fucks given and then suddenly not having tattoos is “cool” to them lol
But they only care because I don’t care. Other guys who are self-conscious about not “fitting in” will get hated on and deterred. They feel what you feel. The guys who say stuff like “these girls won’t even talk to you unless you have tattoos and piercings” are just lame guys who have a lame vibe…hell, the bitter crybaby butthurt even comes through in their text complaining about it lol